Broken and Untamed
by Kiwi.sparkle
Summary: Bella has a bad reputation. Arriving in Forks she tries to start anew but her past caused scars. To learn to love she needs to find herself. Music is the air she breathes and grounds her as she heals. Warning: contains coarse language
1. Prologue

**Broken and Untamed**

**Prologue**

"**I Was Broken" written by Marcus Foster **

_I was tied, but now unbound__  
__My head is off the ground__  
__For a long time I was so weary __  
__Tired of the sound, I've heard before,__  
__The gnawing of the night time at the door,__  
__Haunted by the things I've seen__  
__Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade._

_I said now I used to think the past was dead and gone,__  
__But I was wrong, so wrong,  
Whatever makes you blind__  
__Must make you strong, make you strong,__  
__In my time I've melted into many forms__  
__From the day that I was born,  
I know that there's no place to hide__  
__Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light._

_I was broken,  
For a long time,  
But It's over now._

_Yes and you, and you, __  
__Well you walk these lonely streets that people send, people send.__  
__There are some wounds that just can't mend.  
I do pretend, pretend,__  
__I am free from all the things that take my friends__  
__But I will stand here till the end,  
I know that I can take the moon,__  
__In between the burning shade and the fading light_

_I was broken,  
For a long time,  
But It's over now__  
__I was broken,  
For a long time,  
But It's over now. _

* * *

Mesmerising... was that even enough to explain how I felt towards what I had seen, what I had heard? His voice had been so gentle when he had spoken, he seemed so calm, so easy-going, nonchalant... even-keeled? God, I was running out of words and it was all because of him. I had spent a lot of time with him over the last few months, we had become more than friends and he was finally letting me into his world. He never worried about inviting people to his gigs yet he had verbally extended that invitation to me and I was so glad that I finally accepted that invitation.

His voice would haunt me forever. Not haunt, hound. No, not hound... ugh... okay... he left an imprint on my soul. That's it. And the soul... my God, the soul. I don't think I had ever heard someone sing and sound so raw and emotional. OK, I admit, I had felt that way when I first heard Evanescence and I love both the albums I have but there was something different about listening to Edward sing. It was like he was singing from himself, to himself but so that you could hear how he was feeling. Oh yeah, I was definitely in it deep now. Maybe it was just because it was a deep, soulful guy's voice singing as opposed to a female like Amy Lee...

And then I realised I had been staring way too long. Suddenly his green eyes boring deep into mine snapped me out of my thought and back into reality. How long had I been staring? Had he been playing in the background of my thoughts? Had there been house music going? Dammit! Before I could compose myself I could feel the red hot flush creeping across my cheeks and my eyes darting down as if to show off my eyelashes like a naive little six year old girl playing cute to get her way to the candy jar... I was screwed and definitely in it up to my neck, Edward had definitely made an impact on me and I was no longer a lone wolf with a free spirit doing what I wanted and when I wanted. I was hooked.


	2. Chapter 1

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 1**

Yeah… Forks. I don't know why I've ended up here. I barely remember my father but here I am sitting next to him in the car and not just any car, his fucking squad car! Paint my naked body bright pink and watch me run up the street! Just as noticeable… ugh! I was little the last time I saw him. He looks just the same as I remember so it wasn't so difficult to look for him at the airport.

I've been sent to live with him since things haven't been working out since my mother remarried in Phoenix. It was always just me and my mum until Phil. Phil… what's there to say about Phil other than what an ass! So tied up with his fucking baseball. Mum found it fantastic to be with a "real man" after some of the losers she dated but no one could be more of a wanker than Phil. Between baseball and slobbering over my mother, he was so in love with his baseball bat that he was absolutely livid the day my chin bone put a dent in it when he tried "whacking me out of the field". Yeah… it was my fault.

So thank God I was being "banished" for causing trouble. But Forks? So small, less people but according to Phil, less people meant less trouble for me to get into. I mean hey, it wasn't my fault his precious signed baseball collection ended up out of their glass cases and thrown at his shiny new jeep he bought with my college fund.

Now I was to finish my high school education in Forks with my Dad. This was going to be interesting.

"I would have done it too…" Charlie spoke up catching me unaware. Pretty much the whole drive had been uncomfortable silence. I just looked at him confused at what he may have been told. He glanced over while we waited for the traffic lights to change.

"Look… I know your mother can be… um… absent-minded shall we say… but to have no clue as to what that brute was doing to you, that's wrong. I'm glad you had the balls to do what you did and I just want to reassure you that I'd never hurt you like that. I've missed you like hell Bells, it's been too long."

The light changed and we were off again. "So… this is Forks." Charlie stated. Like, no duh, I had been here before and nothing had really changed in the thirteen or so years I hadn't been. A nice little town, not what I'm used to and certainly no where near as easy to get into trouble and not get found out especially when your Dad is the chief of police here… ugh… I shook my head lightly and then a giggle escaped.

"What?" Charlie looked a little lost.

"Balls… I had the balls to do it…" I burst into laughter and Charlie must've clicked to what I had just said and registered it to what he had said. We both roared with laughter. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Already somewhat calmer and more comfortable, it was nice to arrive at Charlie's and see he still lived in the same house I started my life in. Even though I felt somewhat estranged and my memories were scattered of the odd few times I had been here, I still had a sense of coming home.

"Here we are. This is home. Well, for me but I hope you come to feel at home here too." Yeah, I hope so too even it is until I turn 18 and can take off. Maybe things will change, I doubt it, but a new home, a new school and even though he was my first Dad, I guess it was kind of like getting a new Dad too.

Today was Sunday so I didn't have any settling time before starting school. The semester had already started so I was off to Forks High the next day. Charlie had got me some books and found what I needed for my classes so that was pretty cool. It was probably the most someone had thought about what I needed for a long time even though it was no major deal. My room still looked the same as when I was a kid other than Charlie had upgraded my furniture from a single bed to a queen size, a duvet without pink flowers and fairies, a desk and a computer. I never realised that the room would fit this much furniture, a bigger bed even.

I just got settled in and glanced at the clock… 5pm. I wondered if Charlie had dinner planned or if I'd have to cook like I did at home then I heard a couple of cars pull up. Well, not cars. I looked out my bedroom window to see a jeep followed by an old ute. I recognised the ute straight away. It was Billy's. I hadn't seen him in years and was surprised the old thing still went, the ute, not Billy. I saw through the windscreen of his jeep that he still looked the same, not really aged much at all. I ventured downstairs thinking I should be good and start my new life here polite. They probably heard enough through the grapevine as it was with Charlie and how he knew pretty much everyone in town.

"Ah… Bella! Long time no see!" Yeah, Billy hadn't changed much at all. "You remember Jacob?" Jacob had followed in the ute.

"Um… I guess. He's changed a fair bit."

"Yeah, growing up tends to do that to you." Jacob grinned.

"Growing up as in age or maturity?" I smirked.

"Oh, this is going to be good." Billy was now grinning too.

"Don't you start, I can keep an eye on Bella but can you keep tabs on your own boy?" Charlie seemed to be taking a dig at something.

"Hey, I'm no trouble. I've been raised as well as a dodgy old man can handle." Jacob obviously had no worries about adding his opinions around the dads. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad to live around.

"Dodgy old man? Hey, this dodgy old man still has tricks up his sleeve." Billy winked looking at me.

"Well, let's get this dodgy old man inside and see if we can rustle up a dinner of sorts." Charlie still kept things orderly, even when he wasn't working. His house however looked a bit like a bachelor pad but I guess that was to be expected.

"I brought the fish, what are you contributing?" Billy grinned. The guys must've been fishing earlier.

"I guess there's some fries or something in the freezer. Jake, you contributing?"

"Hey, I thought I had done my part." Jake nodded toward the ute and smiled at me.

"Oh yeah, hey Bells, I know you probably don't want your old man driving you to school in the squad car. How do you feel about driving this?" Charlie gestured with his thumb pointing over his shoulder.

"Ah… okay. I guess…" I wondered what the conditions were to me borrowing someone else's car. Would I have to cart them or what they wanted around, run errands for them or something?

"Don't get too excited, I just bought it off Billy. Thought it would do the job for you and it's kind of a late birthday present since your mum wouldn't let me send anything for the last few."

"Seriously? You bought me a car?"

"I wouldn't quite call it a car but it'll get you from A to B." Jacob giggled. "I rebuilt the engine myself and serviced it and all. It might not look like much but it works."

"Hey, don't diss the ute Jake. That things been great." Billy hassled.

"Yeah yeah Dad. So is it cool?"

"Cool? It's great! Beats walking!" I was stunned that my dad had bought me a vehicle no matter what condition. "Thanks heaps!"

"No worries Bells." Charlie was obviously quite pleased with himself.

"Wanna check it out?" Jacob was grinning away, I guess a bit of pride that guys generally get when they rebuild a car and it manages to run.

"Oh yeah! Is that cool Charlie?"

"Yeah, don't be long, say fifteen minutes. Jake can show you where the school is."

"As if that's hard to find." Jacob giggled.

"I'm guessing it's still in the same place as it's always been?"

"Hey, you never know, someone might've changed a mailbox and it'll throw your direction all out of whack."

"Thanks. Are you saying my navigation skills are no good?"

"Just don't be long and don't get up to any mischief." Charlie shook his head and helped wheel Billy in his wheelchair up the path towards the house.

"She calls you Charlie? Gotta sort that out man, there's some respect to be had." Billy said it quietly to dad with a bit of cheek.

Yeah, I guess he'd been called Charlie for too long as Phil demanded I call him dad and not Charlie even though in my head Phil was "Phil" and Charlie was sometimes referred to as "Dad". I hoped that would change especially since Charlie was already treating me like a daughter, I don't know how long it had been since I felt like that.

"So, where shall we go?" Jake headed over to the passenger side. We climbed in the ute, I turned the key and it roared to life.

"Cool…"

Jake grinned at my response.

"Um, I guess we'll be good and check out the school and then see where we go from there."

"Sweet."

"How long does it take to get to your place again?"

"Why? You planning on gunning it there and back in fifteen minutes? I don't think your dad would be too stoked on hearing you got your first ticket in Forks on your first day!" Laughed Jacob.

"Oh no! I thought you'd need a lift to school…"

"Nah, I go to school down on the reservation. But if you ever want to head out there, it's not far. Well, maybe a bit longer in this than any other car but…"

"Hey, don't diss the ute man!"

We both laughed.

"So, how are you gonna get around? Do you have a car yard at home to select from?"

Jake laughed and shook his head. "I've got my bike. Dad hates it but as long as I keep up with my chores he's ok with me riding it."

"I take it you're not talking about a bicycle?" I grinned at Jacob.

"Hell no! This is a real machine. Could you imagine this on a piddly bicycle?" Jacob gestured at his body.

I laughed and we headed off. Pity we weren't going to school together. Jacob and I got on really well and in the short time to the school, up the main street and around a few back streets, we had laughed and shared what we could remember of each other as kids. It sounded like he was as much of a rebel as me, if not more. I agreed that even though we wouldn't see each other at school, we'd see each other when our dads caught up or spend some time down at the beach. Jacob also offered to keep the ute in check but was a little hesitant when I asked if we could go for a ride on his bike some time. I guess it was because of Charlie being my dad, a family friend and a cop but I knew there was some fun to be had. Jacob may have been almost a year younger but there was definitely some flirting going on. That and he wasn't too bad to look at.

He'd grown into a nicely built guy from the slightly chubby, active kid I remembered. I was already thinking about what sort of a body he had under that shirt considering he had some biceps he should be proud of for his age. But that was wrong, he was only sixteen. Ugh… and I'm supposed to be starting new. I'm going to be good, I swear, I'm going to be good. But still, there's nothing wrong with eye candy.


	3. Chapter 2

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 2**

I woke up to the loud sound of music, but it was nothing I recognised straight away. I always fell asleep with my mp3 player on. I loved music and since Phil hated music, unless it was some fucking horrible death metal crap, I was never allowed to listen to my stereo.

The one time he came home early, and I never heard him, he came in my room and smashed my stereo with one thump of his fist. Yeah… big man. My mother knew I needed music while I studied so she bought me a 4GB Sony Walkman. She justified it to Phil by saying that there were newer, more expensive 8GB ones on the shelf, so it wasn't like she had bought the best. When that didn't seem to be a good enough reason for Phil, she followed it up by saying that's how I had always studied and she didn't want my grades to slip. I had always been good at keeping them up even though I was a lot of trouble outside of school. Phil accepted her reasons but warned me that any slip ups in my grades meant he would stomp on it in a heartbeat so it never left my side.

Charlie must've used the alarm clock radio or assumed that because of my love of music that I'd like the station. That or the dusty old thing hadn't been used since I was there last. Charlie and Renee had always played classical music to me when I went off to sleep. I recognised the melody finally – Debussy's Clair de Lune. I'd have to remember to change the station unless I was to be lulled back to sleep dreaming I was a prima ballerina, like I did when I was little.

I slapped around my bedside table until I managed to turn off the alarm clock and groaned. I stared at the ceiling dreading my first day at a new school, knowing I'd be scrutinised by all the popular kids, the stoners, the geeks… ugh. I rubbed my face and got up to have a shower. I wasn't used to it being so cold so I threw on some jeans, my black lace up suede boots with the fake buckle on the side and threw on a couple of layers before grabbing my leather jacket. I piled my books in my bag, grabbed my mp3 and headed down the stairs.

Charlie must have already gone but he had been back at some point. There was a loaf of bread, a jar of jam and some pop tarts on the bench next to a note.

"_Have a great day at school Bells. I'll see  
__you after work at about 6pm. I'll get pizza  
for dinner so don't worry about cooking.  
Promise I'll do some grocery shopping  
before the week is out._

_xx Dad"_

Huh… he said more in a note than he did verbally. I looked at the note again… _"xx Dad"_ and felt a knot in my stomach. Ugh… my nerves were already shot. I popped a couple of pop tarts in the toaster and boiled the jug for a coffee. I opened the few cupboards in the small kitchen and found a travel mug… score!

I also found a few liquor bottles. There was a small selection. Most of the bottles had a layer of dust on them. I bit my bottom lip and wondered if Charlie would notice, or maybe he had that shit measured. The vodka had been opened but only a dash had gone if any. I took a small swig and felt the burn warm me up straight away. I hadn't had a drink for a few days – was I going soft already? I always had a couple of bottles stashed away in my bedroom back in Phoenix. If all went well here I guess I wouldn't have the need but I made a mental note to check out the town for a small liquor store that would serve a minor. If I had to I would drive to fucking Seattle.

I grabbed my pop tarts from the toaster, slung my bag over my shoulder, scooped up my coffee and took a sip. Mmmmmmm… coffee. At least Charlie had Moccona and not some cheap brand.

I headed out the door and grinned at my ute. A coat of paint, some phat rims and she'd be mint. It was a bonus that the heater worked and that the radio still managed to spit out some music even if it wasn't clear and bassy. I suppose I'd have to start looking for a job so I could buy a decent stereo. I looked around and didn't see anyone so I fumbled in my bag, found my smokes and lit up. I needed it so bad and didn't know if Charlie knew I smoked. Renee did but I always had to hide it from Phil.

I pulled up to the school and even though I'd left it a bit later to avoid being the newbie in the parking lot, I quickly realised that it must be the place to hang before class. Crap. I sprayed some deodorant and popped some gum in my mouth then I hopped out and saw a sign that read "Office" so with all eyes staring and a few mouths gaping open, I headed that way. I almost made it there before I was suddenly approached by some guy.

"Hey. You must be Isabella."

"Uh… Bella, yeah."

"Hi. I'm Eric. Welcome to Forks High. You're from Phoenix right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Chillax. I'm no stalker. Word gets round Forks pretty quickly even though I do know all the goss. I'm on the school paper. I'm guessing you need to head to the office before class?"

I nodded.

"I'm heading over that way to drop something in to the journalist office. I'll head over with you so you don't get lost and then I'll help you find your first class."

Right… like I'd get lost at Forks High. It was smaller than Forks but this guy was being really kind so I agreed. I signed in and got my schedule when Eric came back in. He glanced over my shoulder and startled me. He didn't notice or if he did, he didn't show it.

"English with Mr Berty. Cool. That's my class too so I can show you the way."

Well, even though I was the new girl, at least I wouldn't look like a lost lamb or loner straight away so I was pleased and gave Eric a small appreciative smile. Oops! He gave a cheesy grin straight away… I hoped he didn't think he was in with me already. Just what I needed – a geek hooked on me.

We got to English and Eric introduced me to Mr Berty as the bell rang. Students started filing in and taking their seats at the double tables. I hadn't even thought of who I'd get stuck sitting next to, I'd only thought of lunch and all other social interactions outside of class. Mr Berty handed me a book on Romeo and Juliet and said it'd be an easy first class for me as they were watching the rest of the movie today. He gestured towards the only empty chair at the back of the room next to a guy who was scribbling in a book. Oh, not another geek. Was he already taking notes? I sat down and he eyed me sideways giving me a small nod in recognition. I half-smiled back with an eyebrow raised. For a possible geek, he wasn't bad to look at. He had bronze to chocolate coloured hair, a bit messy but thick, gentle looking green eyes that were piercing in colour, a sharp jaw line and lips that I was already finding myself drawn to. I glanced away hoping he hadn't noticed me checking out his features.

As Mr Berty wheeled in the TV and set it up, I glanced over to see that the guy was drawing a guitar with what looked like a woman in a seductive pose around the bridge on the body of the guitar. His fingers were long and graceful looking so I immediately assumed he played. I looked down at my fingers, callused, nails bitten down and painted black. I almost grimaced at the thought of all the chores and stress that had taken its toll on the poor digits. I wondered if I'd have to do the same sort of yard and house work for Charlie.

We watched the version with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. I loved this one because of the whole party drug thing, the music and the church scene at the end. At least we weren't watching the old versions. The light flicked on and the monitor off. I don't know when I had rested my head on my hands on the table but it was like being woken up.

"Right, one by one, I want you to summarise Romeo and Juliet in one sentence. Starting with you Mr Newton."

"Well, I'm not sure of the whole storyline Mr Berty."

Mr Berty folded his arms and sat on the corner of his desk.

"Proceed Mr Newton, what don't you understand?"

"Well, was it love or lust cause seriously, a guy like that wouldn't be with a chick like that unless it was love."

A girl sitting next to the guy slapped him on the arm while the class giggled.

"What? It's not that she's not pretty but Claire Danes is no Megan Fox."

All the guys cheered and there was more giggling.

"Right, settle down. Seriously… next…Angela."

Mr Berty shook his head in disapproval at the guy. Angela was the one who had slapped him, I was trying to make notes in my head of the names.

"I always find it romantic. They clearly loved each other enough to die together." Angela glared at the guy next to her.

The class went round taking turns and I couldn't think of what to say, the guys were generally making smart ass comments while the girls made romantic references. I must've rolled my eyes five or more times already. Debates were going on about lust and love. One guy said "It's like watching Titanic, no matter what you say or do, you know the boat sinks so you know they're screwed from the start." The guy next to me had been silent but chuckled shaking his head and still sketching.

"Mr Cullen. Your turn." The guy next to me looked up.

"I tend to agree, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

The class laughed again.

"Any other opinion you'd like to add? A different view perhaps?" Mr Berty raised an eyebrow and the class went quiet. I sensed there was a bit of tension between these two.

"Well, I guess… love sucks and then you die."

The class burst into laughter yet again and Mr Berty was not impressed. He cleared his throat to settle the class.

"And Miss Swan, maybe you could interest us with a more decent perspective than what Mr Cullen has just offered us."

The class all turned to face me. Ugh… the new chick… why me?

I cleared my throat.

"I guess I'd just like to elaborate on my classmate's perspective."

"And what would that be Miss Swan?" Mr Berty sat forward a little intrigued to my approach.

"I don't think it came down to just that love sucks, I believe Romeo and Juliet went through more than that."

And what do you believe then?" Mr Berty inquired a little too eagerly for what I was about to say.

"Well, in a more precise summary, I'd go with life's a bitch and then you die."

The class roared with laughter and the guy next to me applauded. Mr Berty sat back and puckered up his lips unimpressed and probably overdue for a heart attack or something along those lines.

"Okay class, your assignment has been set. Let me remind you this is half your terms grading so make it count." Yeah, like inflicting that would assert dominance over the class but the class groaned nonetheless.

"And since we have even numbers in our class now, Miss Swan and Mr Cullen can pair up since you share the same views." The bell rang and everyone started packing up and heading out.

"Isabella and Edward, a moment please."

The guy next to me rolled his eyes and sighed. I assumed he was Edward. I'm not sure why Mr Berty used the whole last name thing, in Phoenix I was used to being on a first name basis with the teachers except for the odd old fuddy-duddies. Maybe he was an English teacher pretending to be an English gentleman? We approached Mr Berty at the front of the classroom.

"Mr Cullen, you can get Miss Swan up to speed with the assignment. I'm sure between the two of you there can be a higher standard of language than what you share with your classmates."

"I've already started my assignment, sir." Edward said. "Don't you think it's unfair for me to have to drag someone else in, get them up to speed and then hope they do their share?"

I was pretty pissed that this guy who didn't know me at all had already started passing judgement that I couldn't keep up. I felt my right hand automatically ball into a fist.

"On the contrary, I am sure you'll have no problems getting Miss Swan up to date and sharing equal expectations I have of you. I looked at her past grades before she was integrated in our class and she's pretty much level with you Edward, maybe even ahead in some areas."

Wow. A teacher already speaking highly of me even if it was only about my grades, I was uncomfortable how I was being spoken about whilst I was party to the conversation. Edward raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged nonchalantly.

"And Miss Swan, I am aware of your… uh… previous extra-curricular activities. I'd think it only fair that you be respectful of Edward's good grades not to lead him astray."

I groaned and nodded. "Yes sir." Great. Rumours already.

"Now, off to your next class."

We walked out into the corridor which was already empty except for the odd student lingering and then heading into a class room. I pulled out my slip of paper and looked at the schedule with attached map.

"What class?"

I hadn't realised Edward was still next to me.

"Um… Bio with Mr… um… Molina?"

"Oh, I'm in that class. It's this way."

"Ok, cool."

We headed off without saying anything. I hate uncomfortable silences, despite being used to them with Phil, but I also hate meaningless small talk. Edward pushed the door open and held it open for me before following me in. "Um, thanks."

"You're welcome."

I paused and he led me to the teacher.

"Mr Molina, this is Isabella Swan."

"Bella." I smiled at Edward politely as he headed to his seat.

"Thank you Edward." Mr Molina acknowledged Edward.

"Isabella," Mr Molina started.

"It's Bella, just Bella." I smiled respectfully to ease the bitchiness of my voice. Only Phil called me Isabella.

"Sorry, Bella. Here are you books and there's one seat left. Welcome to my biology class."

I turned and the seat was in the middle of the class next to Edward. What was this? Some kind of pair up with the guy with the good grades to keep me on the straight and narrow? Did no one like to sit with Edward for some reason or was it some twisted fate? I slid into the seat next to Edward and smiled an almost apologetic smile.

"Alas, we meet again."

Ugh… geek.

"Ah… yeah. I guess we do." I looked to the front of the class. Great. How was this day going to get better?

"Right class. Dissecting toads. Come and get your trays, instructions and check sheets and let's keep this as low-key and less gruesome as possible."

The guys all pretty much leapt to the front of the class while most of the girls squirmed and made "ick" and "ew" comments. I rolled my eyes and went to shift out of my seat to get our gear and victim. Edward put his hand on my arm stopping me from getting up.

"Allow me."

Was he always a gentleman or was he a geek? I was a little confused at how to read this guy and normally I was a good judge of character. I normally wasn't spoken to politely and if anything, avoided because of my reputation.

Edward returned and laid everything on the bench then handed me a pair of gloves. I had done this a few times and had my gloves on, picked up the scalpel and made the first incision.

"Well, that was precise. Are you planning on becoming a surgeon?"

I looked up at Edward who had this breathtaking sideways smile going on and I blushed. I looked down at my hands stunned as I had been on auto-pilot and just made the cut. I noticed other classmates looking, some grinning (mainly guys) and some classmates looking a little freaked like I had just murdered a living creature. The toad was already dead for fuck sake.

"I guess I've just done this a few times before… in class… I'm no mass murderer or anything… ugh!" The class giggled and went about what they were doing a little more enthusiastically since someone had made the first cut.

I put the scalpel down annoyed at how my first day was going. I was showing my old "just get it over with" side and was worried at how I was being perceived already.

"So… are you a bit of a geek in rebel's clothing or are you actually intelligent behind the dark appearance?"

I looked at my gloves and saw the black nail polish showing through and down at myself. I had put my jacket on during the walk from the office to English so I probably already looked hardcore before my comment in English. I looked around and saw a lot of the faces in Bio were the same as my previous class, oh yeah, a small school…

"I don't mean to be rude. I'm sorry. It's just I'm usually very good at reading people but I'm having a little difficulty deciphering you. Like the comment Mr Berty made about extra-curricular activities and not leading me astray?"

"Oh… um…" I was kind of shocked he was thinking on the same wavelengths I was about him and that he brought up what I was trying to shun with my reputation. At least he was more polite than I could have approached the subject.

"I guess a mix. I'm good with my grades but not to the point of being a geek and that other stuff is just rumours…" I came across defensive automatically "Oh! I'm sorry! I don't mean to sound rude. I just… um… ugh!"

"For an intelligent person, you say "um" and "ugh" a lot." Edward giggled and I felt the warmth heading to my cheeks again.

"I guess it's allowable on your first day. I'm up there with my grades too without sounding too pretentious but you won't see me stuck in a library at lunch time. Don't worry about rumours. I'm not one to judge a person until I get to know them myself."

Edward made a couple of incisions without looking up.

"So… what do you do when you're not being a brainiac?" I smiled lightly.

"Um… I guess just what other guys get up to?"

"That would be an "um" for the non-geek then?"

Edward shook his head as we both lightly giggled and worked on the toad.

"That would be the heart." Edward pointed out.

"What? Oh… um… yeah." I marked our sheet.

"That would be an "um" for the other non-geek." I looked up and saw Edward's crisp green eyes glistening at me with his half grin.

"Oh… I guess it would be." And there it was again. That blush. And cue the clumsy idiot…

"Ow! Fuck!" I just about stuck my finger in my mouth on instinct when Edward grabbed my hand stopping me.

"I don't think you'd want to do that."

I looked at my hand and down at the toad.

"Urgh… I guess not."

I laughed and Edward laughed with me shaking his head. He quickly but gently pulled off my glove and pressed a paper towel to where I had nicked myself with the scalpel as Mr Molina headed over.

"Everything ok?" He asked.

"Bella's just cut her finger."

"Edward, could you please take her to the nurse?"

"Yes sir."

"Don't worry about your things if you're not back, I'll have them by my desk."

"Thank you Mr Molina."

Edward lead me out the door with his arm around me and his other arm crossing in front of his body holding the paper towel on my finger.

"You're not going to faint or anything are you?"

"No, I'm good."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I've had worse." I cringed right after I said it. Why was this guy so easy to talk to?

"Well, that's no good. We'll have to keep you away from medical school if that's the case." I looked at him and he was looking at me with that half smile again. Dammit! Distracted, I lost my footing and stumbled. Edward was still holding my hand so I didn't completely fall over.

"Here, how about I carry you. I don't want you fainting and then I'll have to explain some head injury or something."

Before I could protest, Edward had scooped me up with the arm that was around my body and was still holding my wounded finger gently with his hand. I automatically reached my other arm over and held onto his shoulder and found myself with my head up by his neck. Oh God he smelled great! The scent of his cologne over powering my senses as I breathed in and I felt a warm tingle travel down my body, the hilarious comments about "lust not love" from English flooded into my head. I wanted to fight the lust stirring inside of me, I was supposed to be turning over a new leaf and not planning to jump the first guy I came across, actually, the second if I included Jacob in the equation.

In no time at all, I was suddenly being laid down on the gurney in the nurse's station.

"She's been pretty quiet much the whole way. She hasn't lost her colour but she looked a bit dazed."

Really? He had been watching me? How embarrassing!

"Um… I'm ok. It's just my finger." Blushing again.

"That would be another "um". Yeah… and another half smile. Could I blush any more?

"Yes, well her colour does seem to be fine." The nurse said. She took my blood pressure then put on gloves while Edward sat next to me still holding my finger.

"Right, let's have a look." Edward stayed close. I could feel his eyes still on me but I was determined not to look at him for fear of permanently reddened cheeks. Hopefully the awful lighting in the room would hide it a bit.

"Hmm… I think we're in for a few stitches dear. Edward, are you able to take her to the clinic? I can ring ahead."

"Yes Nurse Peyton."

"Thank you. You're a dear. I'll ring ahead and write a note for you both so you're excused for the rest of the day."

I nodded. My finger didn't hurt but I was glad for this mad school day being over early. Edward went to lift me up.

"I'm ok, I can walk."

Edward looked at me sideways.

"No really. I'm fine."

We headed out of the nurse's station and up the corridor to the front of the school; Edward automatically wrapped his arm around me again. Edward stopped by the biology class, gave Mr Molina our notes and picked up our bags. Mr Molina glanced out the doorway, nodded and smiled a gentle smile. Edward slung his satchel over his shoulder, carried my bag and put his arm around me again. It felt nice. I had never had a guy treat me so gentlemanly. Most of the times I had been with guys was just to get laid and there had been no tender moments unless that was their form of foreplay. Edward only removed his arm to push open the doors and then to unlock his car door and help me in. I wasn't really that hurt but I felt like a fragile doll. Normally that would have pissed me off but I was enjoying the sincere concern.

I glanced at the interior of the car while Edward walked around and got into the drivers side. I hadn't noticed the exterior due to the distractions but only knew the vehicle was big. Was I in a hummer?

"This is cool."

"Huh?"

"Your car… well, jeep… monster. It rocks! And I think a "huh" is under the same category as an "um". I smiled at him.

"Oh…" Edward laughed.

"Ah, yeah. It was a birthday present from my mum and dad."

"Wow! Wanna swap parents?"

"Well, I'd have to meet yours before I made that decision but I'm guessing by the connotations I wouldn't want to swap?" Edward giggled.

"Ah… yeah. I guess not." I hadn't thought too far ahead on that one. I was normally more onto it with my conversation techniques and steering it well to where I wanted the conversation to go.

"I take it you're not too happy with your situation?"

"I guess that depends on which situation. Where I was to where I am now." I gazed out my side window as Edward roared the hummer into life, backed up and then drove out of the car park heading towards the clinic.

"So… which situation is the better one then? I mean, are you happy where you are now?"

I thought for a bit not really satisfied about the conversation anymore.

"I haven't figured that out yet, it's still early days. So… the English assignment," I looked at Edward with a determined mindset to change the topic "What does it involve?"

Edward looked a little put off by my change in demeanour.

"You get a free pass from school before lunch and you want to talk homework?" Edward grinned and shook his head to himself. "Geek…"

I gaped at him. "Hey! I'm grateful for your help and all but if you're going to get nasty I'll walk from here." I kept my voice serious even though I was trying to fight a chuckle from escaping.

Edward looked between me, his steering wheel and the road a couple of times. "What? I was only kidding!"

I shook my head and smiled with his concern.

"I know… I… ugh! This day just bites! I imagined all different scenarios for my first day at school, first impressions and all that but this is no where near how I imagined things would go."

"I guess not. Well, you have made an impression but I don't think there's anything that will be held against you." Half grin again but this time it didn't affect me.

"Yeah, well, they better not."

"It's okay. Just relax nothing major. I'm sure everything will be fine." Edward looked almost imploringly at me.

I looked at him knowing I probably looked pretty pissed off when I realised my eyes had glassed up and one stray tear crept its way down my check. I quickly wiped it away ashamed. I had already let my guard down enough today and now shown my vulnerability. This never happened to me and although it was not his fault, I was a little angry towards Edward for it. We drove the rest of the way in silence and Edward ushered me into the clinic.

"Edward! Nice to see you. How are you?" The receptionist behind the desk was obviously quite happy to see him.

"I'm just great Tanya, thanks. However, Bella here is a little worse for wear. Fight with a scalpel and a toad."

The receptionist giggled. "Biology I take it? We got the call from your school nurse. Your Dad is already set up waiting out the back. Go right in."

Dad?

We walked past the clinical rooms and down to the small emergency room.

"Ah… Edward. And Isabella I assume?"

"Yes." I was a little taken back but my brain was still functioning.

This must be Edward's Dad, Dr Cullen, that I had heard Charlie mention the odd time we had we had spoken over the years. Charlie spoke highly of him but he looked a lot younger than I imagined and I could see no resemblance of Edward to his father. Edward had dark hair and stunning green eyes, Dr Cullen was very blond and had blue eyes, the only resemblance being the piercingly crystal-sharp colour and the mannerisms, both moved in almost a suave, gentlemanly manner, like something out of a Jane Austen movie, like Englishmen and both reserved and polite and their fashion sense. Obviously the pay was good, they were dressed like male models out of an Armani fashion shoot or something. I never really paid attention to guy's clothes before but they both looked like you just wanted to have a really expensive dinner out, play the whole "upper-class" thing, be a socialite and just like the eye candy, I was unwrapping both of them in my mind like the candy that they were. Maybe I just needed a good chocolate fix, a tub of sickly chocolate ice cream, or probably better, a really cold shower!

"This way my dear, take a seat and we'll get you patched up."

Edward happily told his Dad about the whole misadventure including my "near fainting" whilst Dr Cullen cleaned my finger, stitched it and dressed it. Charlie walked in as Dr Cullen was writing a prescription for antibiotics in case I got something from the scalpel or the toad. Edward came up with a list of toad diseases to try and distract me or make me giggle but I was a little peeved to manage more than a mere smile or the odd "ha ha" in a sarcastic tone. Charlie and Dr Cullen discussed my injury which sounded more detailed than just a wee slice and Charlie thanked Edward for being such a gentleman.

"Would you like me to arrange to pick up Bella's car and drop it to you Chief Swan?"

I was about to protest when Charlie replied.

"If it's not too much trouble that would be very helpful, thank you very much. Carlisle, you certainly have a good one here." Cheesy Charlie smile followed by Edward smiling obligingly.

Ugh. Thankfully he didn't grin like most guys would if they scored Brownie Points with some chick's Dad. I probably would have leapt off the gurney and slogged him in the guts if he had. I kept my cool as much as possible even though I was sure by now I was being a prize bitch. Hopefully they just thought I was some fragile little girl with a big boo-boo. What next? A lollipop?

"Well Bells, let's get you home so you can relax for the rest of the day. I'm covered so we can hang together."

Hang? Did Charlie say hang as if we were mates?

"Sure. Oh and thanks." I said as politely as I could manage towards Edward.

"Thank you Dr Cullen."

"No problem Bella. You take care now and I'll see you in ten days to remove the stitches."

"Yes Dr Cullen, I'll see you then."

"I'll catch you later when I drop off your car." Oh yeah, Edward…

"Oh um…"

"That would be another "um"." I grinned a little. Ugh! What was with this guy? I seriously wasn't happy about the whole letting the guard down and reverting to my twisted over-hormonal brain. I handed him my keys and left with Charlie.

Great first day. I was in a foul mood and thankfully Charlie didn't say anything.

* * *

_Can you guess where Nurse Peyton's name was chosen from? :)_

_**Big thanks to Nicnixs who made this chapter worth reading! xxx**_

_Yeah, Bella's mood is all over the place, will make sense soon!_


	4. Chapter 3

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 3**

We got home and I headed straight up the stairs.

"You alright, Bells?"

"Oh…" I stopped and turned on the step. "Yeah, just a nutty first day. I'm alright. I'll just go chill in my room for a bit and read. There's some sort of English assignment so I'll go read and listen to my walkman if that's… um… is that ok?"

"Yeah, sure. No worries. You just take it easy. I'm sure I'll find something on TV. I'll be in the lounge if you need me."

"Ok… cool." I headed up the stairs feeling a little guilty that Charlie was extending some fatherly care but I was shunning it. I just wanted some time to wallow in the foul mood I was in. How could I let someone in my head so easily? I was annoyed and frustrated at myself. It was nothing major but I still felt like crap.

I tossed my bag on the floor by my bed and pulled out the Romeo and Juliet book and my walkman. I scanned my walkman for something that suited my mood… chilled, mellow, rock… a mix? Hrm… I settled on listening to Kings of Leon's "Because of the Times" album. I sprawled across my bed on my stomach and opened my book. I only just started reading when my finger started throbbing. It hadn't hurt at all the whole time I was with Edward. Ugh! Now I was thinking of him again, his eyes, his hair, his lips, his gentle touch, his cologne… FUCK! Yeah, I was pretty pissed at myself. If only I had some vodka somewhere, a joint, a cigarette, anything. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

I went into the bathroom and found a couple of pain killers and went back to my room. I lay down again after grabbing my book off my bedside table that I use to write in. I knew I'd get no where until I hashed out some poetry or some shit along those lines. I never knew what to class my writing as but it was always a good outlet.

"_It's dark out, its cold  
__The air is heavy  
__I wander the streets  
__I come to a fountain  
__I am alone but not alone  
__I stare into the blue  
__And while time was passing  
__I didn't see but I look up  
__And I see you_

_You've wandered the darkness  
__To come to the fountain  
__To stare in the blue  
__You see I see you  
__Your eyelids are heavy  
__Your soul feels torn  
__Your senses are heightened  
__A feeling is born_

_Two souls apart  
__That walked to the fountain  
__Feeling alone  
__But no longer alone"_

I read over what I had written. Yep, that eased it off. Feeling better, I re-opened Romeo and Juliet. I read the first couple of Acts and then decided I should venture downstairs. Three o'clock. I wondered what Charlie was doing and if I'd be interrupting. I was hungry as I hadn't eaten since breakfast so I pushed past my assessing the "what-ifs" and went downstairs.

Charlie had gotten changed out of his uniform and into jeans and a plaid shirt. He was lying on his back taking the length of the couch with his feet up on one end. His toes were poking out of his socks. He was channel surfing and hadn't noticed me come in.

"Time for you to buy new socks?"

"Oh!" He jumped. "Uh… yeah, I guess. How are you feeling?"

"Uh, not bad. My finger's throbbing a bit but I had a couple of pain killers. Do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Oh… I'm ok, but you help yourself. I need to go to the supermarket. There's bread and a few things in the fridge. I can make something for you if you'd like?"

Charlie started getting up off the couch but I gestured for him to stay.

"No, no. It's cool. I'll fix something up."

I headed to the kitchen to make a coffee and a couple of jam sandwiches.

"Anything good on TV?" I called out from the kitchen. There was something about Charlie and his house that had me more relaxed than I would have been back in Phoenix. If I had done that to Phil, he would have told me off for yelling and not coming into the room to talk to him like a civil person… more like a slave in my opinion.

"Ah, no… not really. I was just thinking of putting on a DVD. Maybe you should pick, there's not much to choose from and I'm not sure what you'd like."

"Ok, cool. I'll have a look."

I came into the lounge and set my food and coffee on the table by the armchair before heading to the shelf by the TV.

"You drink coffee?" Charlie look stunned.

"Oh… um, yeah. Is that ok?"

"Ah… yeah. I just had no idea. I guess I still see you as my little, little girl, not my teenage little girl."

"Oh" I giggled. "Yeah, I guess I have changed a bit." I thought I might leave out "I smoke too" until later.

"Yeah. Oh Bells. I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you. If I'd have known…" Charlie shook his head looking down at the floor.

"Hey Dad, its ok. No one knew what Phil was like. No one really still does."

"Dad…"

"Um… yeah." I didn't realise I had just called him that instead of by his name.

"I haven't heard that in a long time. It's um… it's nice."

"Ah, yeah. I guess its nice being able to call you Dad considering that's who you are." I smiled a sheepish smile and Charlie was beaming.

"Ok… let's see what you've got." I turned to the DVD collection, if that's what you could call it.

"I haven't really watched many of them. They're pretty much all gifts."

All? I wouldn't have used "all" to say how minimal the selection was.

"Well, a couple of months and you'll have more to pick from. Well, once I get a job I guess. Um… how about this? This is good." I held up The Long Kiss Goodnight thinking it was action and a bit of comic relief between Geena Davis and Samuel L Jackson.

"A job?" Charlie looked puzzled.

"Uh, yeah. I guess I'll have to do something to pay for gas and share my expenses."

"Oh Bells. Don't worry about that. I've wanted to help for years but was never allowed. You need money, you ask. I can give you twenty dollars or so a week but if you want to go to the movies, buy clothes, books, whatever, you just ask."

"Oh… um… you sure?"

"Yeah. You just concentrate on your school work and staying out of trouble and I'm happy with that. You're my little girl… well, teenage little girl." Charlie smiled lovingly.

"I can do chores and stuff. I used to do the entire yard and house work, cook dinner and grocery shop in Phoenix."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't have had to do all that. I still can't believe they made you do all that, work part time and still keep up your grades. You must've been exhausted!"

"Yeah, well, I was but work wasn't hard. Stacking shelves while listening to my music wasn't like mowing the lawns and scrubbing the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush twice a week."

"And I don't expect you to do that here. I may not be the cleanest or tidiest but no expectations, ok? Yeah, it'd be ok if you whipped through with the vacuum cleaner or did the dishes every now and then but it's no biggy. I've been doing it myself for years and I don't expect you to have to come in and do it all."

"Um… thanks Dad." I felt a few tears stream down my cheeks.

"Come here." Charlie got up from the couch and gave me a hug. He chuckled… "Dad…"

I giggled. "Yeah…"

He squeezed me tightly before returning to the couch.

"Right, so what's this movie?" Charlie cleared his throat and sniffed trying to sound très masculine.

I loaded the DVD while Charlie sat back down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. I made a mental note that even though the relaxed feeling in Charlie's home felt a little liberating I needed to keep up my guard.

"It's pretty much a classic. A school teacher who doesn't know she's a spy because of amnesia who kicks ass with a cool PI whose clothes are really outdated."

"So… not a chick flick?"

"Uh, no." I giggled. "Well, not unless you dream of being a top assassin and blowing up shit… ugh, I mean… stuff."

Charlie laughed and I hit the play button then sat down on the recliner chair. I snuggled under a blanket and ate my food.

The movie seemed to pass quickly and Charlie enjoyed every bit of it. I had glanced over at him a few times and he was totally engrossed in the movie, his eyes almost glistening with excitement. I wondered if Charlie would change his approach within the force, not likely but it'd be hilarious to watch. I felt at home, comfortable and feeling like a family. It had been a long time since I felt that sense of security and ease.

The credits hadn't been rolling long when there was a knock on the door which made me jump. I started to get up out of the recliner when Charlie jumped up and motioned for me to stay sitting.

"Oh… hey! Come on in!"

Oh great. I had been expecting to see him earlier; it was Edward dropping off my ute.

"Thank you Chief Swan." I rolled my eyes at hearing the formalities.

"Charlie's fine. And how are you Alice?" Charlie's voice perked up.

"Very well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Good, no complaints." I could hear the smile in Charlie's tone.

The girl's voice was surprisingly bubbly and bright. I looked towards the door as Edward walked in smiling.

"So, how's the patient?" Edward winked.

"All good, not a worry in the world." Ok, I might have sounded a bit blunt but it had taken the afternoon to push Edward out of my mind and now here he was in front of me. Ugh.

"This is my sister, Alice." Edward gestured toward the petite frame beside him. She was quite pretty, short, dark hair and bright eyes like a child who had woken up on Christmas morning. She too didn't look a thing like Edward, or Dr Cullen for that matter.

"Nice to meet you, Bella isn't it?"

"Ah, yes." Whatever she was on, I wanted a piece of it to wake me up in the mornings.

"We're getting pizza for dinner if you'd like to join us?"

No Charlie, why?

"Thank you for the offer but Carlisle and Esme already have dinner organised." If that was their mum and dad, I was glad I wasn't the only one struggling with terms of endearment.

"Maybe another time then." Charlie… really? I fought to keep a disgusted look from appearing on my face.

"That would be lovely!" Alice chirped in.

"It'd be nice for Bells to know some kids out of school." What? Planning friendships for me?

"Oh! We could have so much fun! I could show Bella all the nice shops and cafes, all the things to do around town." Alice was definitely on something, she was almost bouncing around in excitement.

They all looked at me and I realised I must have looked stunned and my mouth was gaping open.

"That sounds… um… cool." Yeah, smooth Bella. I was trying to be as polite as I could manage.

"Oh, here's your keys Bella. I'm not sure but it sounded like your ute had a bit of a miss to it. My brother is good with engines if you'd like him to take a look."

"Oh, um… thanks for the offer but my friend who rebuilt it has offered to take care of anything it needs. It's kind of his baby."

"That's good. Well, take care and see you at school. Have a good evening Bella… Mr Swan."

"Thanks Edward." Charlie shook his hand whilst I rolled my eyes.

Edward turned back before heading out the door.

"That would be another "um" he winked and I rolled my eyes again shaking my head with a small smile. I need to drop the "ums" or I'd sound like a total idiot with a count of at least a hundred of them by the week was out.

I got up quickly and went out to Edward's hummer. Alice was already in it and Edward was just about to get in.

"Hey, Edward…" Edward held onto his door and turned looking like a model as the wind blew through his hair and sending a chill rippling through me. "I just want to apologise for my mood. I know I must sound like a nutter, all over the place."

"Don't worry about it. First day in a new school, new town and all that. It's bound to mess around in your head." He smiled that gorgeous sideways smile. Snap out of it Bella!

I was glad he was so understanding. I really didn't want to start out as a bitch at a new school especially with trying to change my behaviour.

"Cool, so we're cool then?"

"Yeah, I didn't know we weren't." Edward smiled again and winked. More flutters in my stomach. Great.

"So, see you tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow."

Edward got in his car and waved in a typical guy's one move flick of the hand and I jerked my head up in acknowledgement. I felt like a prize dork… yeah, this day sucked.

Charlie ordered pizza and we watched the news then some game on TV. I really wasn't paying attention as I was still going over the last couple of days in my head. I already had a mental debate going on… nice guy vs. Bella's usual screw vs. starting fresh. I really didn't like my chances. Edward seemed to cause me to drop my usual barriers so easily and Jacob flared up my past "he's cute, screw the guy" persona. I made a mental note. I needed to be more guarded and mindful of my actions but be careful not to come across like the total bitch I had been back in Phoenix. Phoenix…

"Hey, Dad. Has Renee called at all?"

"Ah… sorry kiddo. Not that I know of."

Not that I had expected her to. Phil had made comments about a second honeymoon once I was out of the picture.

"I think I'll head up to bed, I'm pretty knackered."

"Oh, ok Bells. I'll be home late tomorrow. I'll get some groceries. I think there's a microwave dinner if you get hungry before I get home."

"Cool. Oh… Dad…" Yeah, working the charm… "Is it okay if I go down to Jacob's tomorrow after school and get him to look at the ute before I do any damage?"

A dash of responsibility from a teenager ought to do it.

"Actually, that's a good idea. I'm sure Jacob would love to catch up. Just no mischief, okay? He has a tendency to push the boundaries."

"Sure Dad. No problem. 'Night."

"Goodnight Bells."

I smiled and headed up to bed.

It took me a while to settle with my mind flickering from Edward to Jacob. My first full day in Forks and I already had two guys stuck in my head. So much for the fresh start. Could I not go without a fuck for a few days or a week? Shit! I was as bad as a horny teenage guy. I heard Charlie go to bed and waited a bit before sneaking downstairs and out the back for a smoke. The air was crisp and cleared my head. I looked up at the house to make sure I wasn't standing underneath an open window and lit up taking in the scenery and the stars. A cloudless night in Forks… a sign of change? Doubt it but hey… worth the thought.

Feeling more relaxed I quietly when back up to my room falling asleep quickly to Bruce Springsteen's "I'm On Fire".

I got to school the next morning and the first couple of classes flew by. I had slept in as I had forgotten to change the alarm clock. Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Shepherd Boys" was playing so instead of waking properly, I was dreaming of fairies dancing. Argh! I was going soft already! I did manage a chuckle because of my thoughts from last night and the title of the music. By the time I woke and did a clumsy mad rush to get out of the door I was in a shit mood. To top that off, we were playing baseball in Gym of all fucking things. As a kid I loved baseball but because of Phil the game just pissed me off.

I tried hanging at the back of the class and got into some small talk with Angela. She was really nice and it eased the tension a bit. Turns out she has a thing for Eric so I offered to help her out as I had enough experience in that area so I might as well get someone laid if I wasn't getting any. That and it would be a bonus if I could ensure that there'd be no geek after a piece of my ass.

The gym teacher then called me up, our group was batting. Fuck this shit. The teacher tried giving me pointers and techniques before I reached the plate, I glared at her.

"I know how this fucking game goes."

She was not impressed but I really couldn't give two shits. Jessica was pitching or, to be more precise, being a ditsy air-head with no capability of handling a baseball. After her second pathetic attempt I swore at her.

"Just throw the fucking thing!" I got a warning for detention from the gym teacher.

Finally, she threw the ball, not pitched but a sorry-assed underarm lob but at least I could give it a swing. I smacked it straight out of the field and into some guys playing football at the other end of the grounds. Everyone just looked at me as I dropped the bat and sat back next to Angela instead of doing the whole "home run" lap. The gym teacher was about to say something when I stopped her with another glare.

"I know how to play." The following glare was a "don't waste my fucking time" stare.

After gym, the teacher asked if I would play for the school team. Apparently they needed someone like me despite my foul language but I stopped her short with some sort of a "Hell no, not ever" remark and stormed off to my next class.

Lunch was okay. I sat with Angela enjoying her company. She never said anything that wasted breath unlike Jessica who blabbed so much that she confirmed for me she was indeed an air-head. The guys seemed to like her though but that was predictable because of her huge rack. Angela and I had rolled our eyes so many times when Jessica talked that we started to giggle. The bell rang and snapped me back to reality. I had maths next, I hated maths. And then I had English last so I concentrated my thoughts on heading out to La Push after school.

Great. Mr Berty had set the class some time to work on our assignments. I really wasn't in the mood to interact with Edward or anyone for that matter. Edward explained the assignment to me. We had to read the book, compare that with the way the version we had watched in class had been told as well as one of the older movies which we had to watch outside of class. We were given a list of scenes to pay particular attention to also. I understood Edward's point of view when we were first paired up. I would have been pissed too if I was partnered with a dumb-ass as it meant more than just a couple of hours of study time outside of school together. We only had a portion of our class time allocated to our assignment during the term so as shitty as I was I tried to be amenable to making study plans.

I figured I'd have to run the plans past Charlie as back in Phoenix there was a "no boys in the house" policy. I was sure Charlie would be okay considering it was for school work. Edward had a few afternoons that he couldn't reschedule so we mainly settled on Tuesdays and Thursdays to start with.

"So that was a pretty good hit today." Edward broke the tedious planning of our assignment and study sessions.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. That." I was not thrilled about the topic choice.

"You should have seen the guys, they loved it. You just missed the back of Newton's head." Edward chuckled.

"Pity, he seems like a bit of an ass and could do with some sense knocked into him."

"Ouch! That's harsh! Is something wrong?"

"No. I just don't like baseball."

"For someone who doesn't like it, you've got a pretty good swing."

"Yeah, the teacher thought so too and asked me to join the team."

"Wow! Are you going to?"

"Ah… no." I scoffed.

"Why not?"

"I don't do sports."

"But if you're good at it, don't you think you should give it a go? It might be fun."

"Like I said, I don't like baseball and I don't do sports." Edward looked at me empathetically.

Thank God the bell rang. I pulled my walkman out and put it on the desk, rummaged for my smokes and lighter shoving them in my pocket then stuffed my books in my bag and got straight out of the classroom.

"Bella, wait." I turned around and almost bumped straight into Edward.

"Shit! What?" I snapped.

"Uh… you forgot this." Edward handed me my walkman. "Are you okay?"

"Oh! I didn't know I left it. Thank you! Yeah, I'm just preoccupied."

"Did you want to start the assignment or just chill and talk or something?"

"Oh, I can't. I have to be somewhere and I also need to run the whole homework thing past Charlie first to see what his rules are." Before Edward could say anymore I added "And thanks for this," holding up my walkman, "it's my life."

I got out to the car park so quickly that there was hardly anyone there yet so I lit up a smoke not caring who saw, got in the ute and gunned it out of the car park. I wound down the window and felt free for the first time in a while. I thought about calling into Jake's and hoped I could leave him with the ute while I headed down to the beach.

The drive to La Push was great. I felt my shit day easing away the closer I got. La Push was like Forks, it hadn't changed much. I followed Charlie's scribbled directions and as soon as I saw the house I recognised it from some of my old photos of Charlie and me. Some of the trees were bigger and there was now a shed nearby the house. Not long after I cut the engine, Jacob was already opening the door for me.

"Fuck! Jake! Give me a heart attack! I didn't even see you coming!"

"Oh… sorry!" Jake laughed at my reaction. "I heard you from a mile away. This baby has its own distinct purr."

"Yeah, it does." I giggled.

"Anyways, how could you not see this coming?"

Jacob gestured at his body like he was "all that". He knew he looked good and he had the ego to go with it. That sort of confidence would be bad for me I knew it, especially as I knew that's how I often got guys in the sack.

"Yeah Jake… you're all that…" I laughed at Jake's pout that followed my sarcasm.

"So what brings you down here other than to gape at this fine form?" He grinned and I shook my head smiling. Bloody hell! He was going to be the death of my personality overhaul!

"Well… sounds like there's something with the engine. Maybe the timings out?"

"She speaks motor… me likey." Jake exposed a cheesy grin with flirting eyes. "I was going to call you about that. I didn't get much of a chance to run the motor in before dropping it to your Dad. I'll have a look."

"Are you sure that's ok? You don't have to do it right now."

"Nah, it's cool, unless there was something else you wanted me for?" I rolled my eyes. Okay, I was definitely a female and not as bad as a hormonal teenage guy.

"I was just thinking of heading down to the beach for a bit."

"Well… this won't take long. I'll just have a quick look and then we could take the ute for a run then to the beach. Is that cool?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Great." Jake sat in behind the steering wheel and I scooted myself across the bench seat to the other side of the ute. Jake looked at me and noticed my finger.

"What'd you do?"

"Oh, accident in biology. I had a fight with a dead toad."

Jake giggled. "I hope you got him back."

"Ah, yeah. He croaked it."

Jacob burst into laughter. I enjoyed his high spirits.

"Want me to kiss it better?" The cheesy undertone in his voice was matched by the equally cheesy expression and then we were both in fits of laughter.

We pulled up in front of the shed and Jake popped the hood. I hopped out and casually followed him over to his workbench. It was a typical guys dream. Car parts, wiring, tools… and then I saw what I guessed was Jake's bike. Jake grabbed some tools and headed over to the ute, I wandered over to the bike.

I walked around it admiring how much time he had spent on it. It was big, black and shiny. The only dirt was on the tyres and the whole engine looked like it had been chromed.

"So, this yours I take it?" I said as I mounted the bike. I didn't know anything about bikes but had always wanted to ride one instead of riding pillion.

"Yeah, that's my baby." Jake was grinning at his prized possession with adoration.

"You must have spent some time on her with a polishing cloth."

"Of course! Gotta keep her looking sexy! Anyway, why is it a 'her'? Anyone would think you've got a thing for chicks looking like that on… her."

"What? Oh… ick Jake!" We both laughed.

"So, no interest for the same team then? I take it you're just into guys?" Jake smirked.

"Uh… duh?!?" I shook my head thinking about my past in Phoenix.

"So… have you been with many guys then?"

"Me? Oh…" I didn't really want to think about it. I had never kept count and the fact of the matter was I was scared to even try working it out. "Just a few."

"That's rather vague? What? Not into sharing stories?" Jake flirted.

"I'm not really one to kiss and tell Jake." Yeah, like that would put a teenage guy off the subject.

"So, does that mean if I were to kiss you…" Jake put down the tools he was holding and slowly approached me "you wouldn't tell then?"

"And what makes you think I would let you kiss me Jake?" Dammit! My voice wasn't hard enough.

"And what makes you think you wouldn't let me?" Jake leaned in and I pressed my hand on his chest to push him away but before I could he had already closed the gap and had his lips on mine.

Jake's kiss was gentle to start with and as much as I didn't want this in my mind, my body betrayed me. The feelings seeping through my body were already messing with whatever control I had left in my brain.

Jake parted my lips with his tongue and groaned. I couldn't help but hum and act in response. My arms went up around his neck and I was pushing into his mouth more. Jake put his hands on my hips and lifted me off the bike then ran his hands down my buttocks, squeezed gently then followed down under my thighs hooking my legs around his waist. He was certainly no amateur. He walked us over to the wall behind me and pushed my back against it thrusting his pelvis against mine. I groaned instinctively. Bad move. Jacob grinded his pelvis against mine and I could tell the lust was becoming more primal.

"Jake…" I whispered in his ear breaking the kiss.

He hummed in response moving his lips across my jaw line and down my neck.

"I can't. I need to stop." The words came out but my actions were betraying me as my fingers still ran through his hair.

Jake just hummed in acknowledgement but didn't stop. I bucked and he lifted his eyes to look into mine. His eyes, a warm chocolate brown, were hooded with desire. He leaned in to kiss me again and I put my hands on either side of his face and forcefully planted my feet on the floor pushing Jake back a little. His hands were braced on the wall either side of my head.

"I can't… I really… can't…" I pushed Jake's hands aside and pushed past him pausing to bite on my thumbnail while I thought.

"Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"

I turned and looked at Jake, he looked so innocent and hurt but I needed to do this for me.

"No Jake, it's not you."

"Isn't it too early for that speech Bella?"

"Huh?"

"You know, 'it's not you, it's me' and all that crap." Jake grinned slightly.

He came up to me and brushed a lock of hair from across my face an tucked it behind my ear then lifted my head up with his fingers caressing my jaw. He grinned again and leaned in. I turned my head so he couldn't kiss me.

"Now that's a bit cold."

A stray tear ran down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away.

"What's wrong Bella?"

I shook my head.

"Really, it's not you. I like you, you're… ugh… Jake… I need… I'm going for a walk down to the beach."

I turned and started walking out of the shed.

"You… uh… want me to come?"

"No Jake. I just need some space. Sorry but… just give me some time."

I walked out of the shed and was startled by a loud bang and Jake swearing. I assumed Jake threw a tool or something across the shed. I buried my hands in my jeans after pulling my hood over my head. I kicked a few stones along the way trying to figure out how I was feeling.

I felt anger and betrayal, I couldn't understand it. Those were feelings Jake would probably be feeling. Jake… oh, Jake… I hoped I hadn't hurt him. God! I'm such a prize bitch but I had to do it. Fuck this! I wouldn't be jumping into a guy's arms or bed if Renee hadn't betrayed me for Phil. Phil… great big fucking wanker Phil. And there it was - an epiphany, the root of my anger, the person who betrayed me. As soon as I made the connection I felt hurt. No, not hurt, it wasn't just emotional hurt but physical pain rose up from the pit of my stomach and anchored itself in the centre of my chest. It was heavy and it was painful, a sob escaped me and I immediately covered my mouth looking around and hoping that no one saw or heard me.

I had arrived at the beach and not a soul was in sight, thank God. I headed down the beach kicking pebbles and holding my chest with one arm while my other arm was wrapped around my stomach. I felt like I was falling apart mentally and physically.

A large washed up log had nestled itself permanently next to some boulders so I sat down and looked out to sea watching the waves come rolling in. How could such a beautiful scene make me feel so sad? The waves crashed onto some boulders causing some sea spray to hit my face. It was then that I really cried. At first the tears streamed down my face and then the whimpers escaped from my body. It frightened me when another sob burst out. It was horrible. It was the sort of cry you made when someone died and you realised at the funeral how final things were when their body was interned in the ground. Grief?

Grief… what the fuck was I grieving for? What had I lost? I lost my mother to that fucking prick. I lost my virginity to some college ass at a drunken party and never even knew who he was. I lost me. Who the fuck was I? How was I going to change a person who I didn't even know? I hid for so long wallowing in my music and having nothing else, no friends, no life, nothing.

I held myself together feeling cold and damp, alone and hurt, angry at Renee, fucked off with Phil, pissed at who I had become because of them, frustrated I couldn't live in a small town without trying to set up my next screw. I was deeper than this. I didn't have to have sex with anything with a dick. I wanted love, I wanted to feel love, and I wanted to be loved.

"Hey."

"FUCK!!!" I turned to see Jacob behind me staring out at the sea.

"How fucking long have you been standing there?"

"Shit Bella! Didn't you hear me or the ute? What the fuck is wrong? What???"

"Geez Jake, I mean it. It's not you."

"Can you talk to me?" Jake's voice had softened with concern. I sighed.

"Yeah… no… ugh! I don't know! I'm just a fucking mess!" I started crying again and this time not giving a shit about where I was or who I was with. I was well past that.

Jake stepped over the log and sat next to me wrapping his arms around me pulling me close. I sobbed into his chest.

"Christ Bella! Someone really did a number on you! Who was it? Are they in Forks? Someone from school? I'll fucking rip their heads off!"

I shook my head and looked up at Jake trying to stifle back my tears. Jake was so angry he looked like he was about to explode.

"It's no one here."

"Then who? Back in Phoenix? Shit! Fuck! Phil! Was it Phil? What did he do?" Jake was livid and that was an understatement.

I put my hands on his face and dragged his face down so he looked at me instead of the water. I waited until he really looked at me.

"It's complicated. I thought it was easy but it's not. And yes, it's Phil but its Renee _and_ Phil."

"What? Your mum? Geez Bella! Did they beat you? Did they… you know… um… FUCK!"

"No Jake, NO! Listen for a minute…"

I waited until Jake looked remotely calm enough for me to start. I dropped my hands and fiddled with the cuffs of my hoodie sleeves.

"Okay, so… yeah… Phil beat me from time to time. Renee knew but ignores it. I spent most of my time in Phoenix walking on eggshells and taking orders from that fucker while Renee hung off every word, everything he said or did was for her but behind it all, he hated me.

"After a few months, Renee forgot me. I lived in the same house but that was about it. I might as well have been a fucking servant. So at night I snuck out, occasionally during school and anywhere I could find time."

I fumbled in my pockets, got out my cigarettes and lit up taking a deep drag. I could see Jake getting irritated waiting.

"And what?"

"Well…"

"Spit it out!"

"God dammit it Jake! It's not that easy… I was… easy."

"What does that mean?"

"It means what it implies. I fucked around. I couldn't get affection so… I did what I did."

"So, uh… more than a few?" Jake was definitely a lot calmer and almost apologetic in his tone.

"Yes…" I felt ashamed. Ashamed of how I treated guys, how I had just treated Jake and more so, ashamed of how I treated myself.

"So what does that mean… with us?"

I was puzzled.

"I can't do it again Jake. It's not fair to you, it's not fair, to… me."

"But… I don't get it. You were into me. I felt it… back at the house. There was something."

"Lust not love, Jake." I took another huge drag on my cigarette.

"Huh?"

"Ok… you've seen Romeo and Juliet? The one with Leonardo Di Caprio and Claire Danes? I'm no Megan Fox… I just want to be Clare Danes for once."

"Ok, I'm lost and no, I haven't seen it. I'm not into all that pansy shit. Speak English."

"English… that is English. I mean, it's from English."

"What? Ok, I'm no good at school. I failed when it comes to metaphors. I know who Megan Fox is though. She's hot! Does that help?" Jake gave his cheesy grin.

I shook my head and giggled.

"Ok, a reaction. A good one?"

"I don't want to be… easy."

Jake thought for a bit.

"You mean… you want to take things slow?"

"Um…" I thought for a bit.

I liked Jake. I really did, as a friend. Or was there more? There certainly was something, some sort of connection. Was it lust and my hormones ganging up on me? Or was this an opportunity waiting to be exploited? I remembered something Charlie had said a while ago about Jacob getting into trouble over some girl called Lisa… or was it Leah? I couldn't remember but I knew there was some sort of relationship. He was into her but she ended up with some other guy or something. It was one of those things I heard but wasn't really listening. So maybe Jake was prepared to take things slowly if he had been burned before. Had he just offered to?

"I guess if you're willing to be patient with me, I could handle that but I just don't want to… uh… you know… jump you or lead you into thinking I'm a guaranteed lay. I also don't want to be a cock tease. I just don't want that anymore."

"Well…" Jake looked out to the ocean. "I'm willing to try. Like friends with benefits but… well… you know, stalling on the benefits a bit. Ugh! I sound like a prick!"

I laughed.

"No you don't. Just as long as I'm not being a bitch…"

"Don't Bella, you're not. You're a really nice person."

"Nice… I've been called a lot of things and nice has never been one of them!" I laughed again.

"So, where to from here? Jake looked deeply and imploringly into my eyes. I could see hope, it may be a stretched out and bumpy ride but it was with someone I knew, someone I trusted and at least I wouldn't be struggling through it alone.

"If you're willing to go slow then I guess we may have something?"

"Slow it is then." Jake leaned in and kissed me softly.

Before we could get carried away and the hormones kicked in for both parties, I backed away. I looked a bit sheepish.

"Easy tiger…" I grinned.

"Tiger? I'm no big pussycat Bella." Jake grinned and nudged my shoulder with his. "But I'll be loyal and treat you right. You call the shots."

"I'm ok with that but I won't lead you around like some dog though, just know that. If it's too slow, you let me know and we go our separate ways. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh."

"Nah, not harsh. I'm cool with that."

"Cool."

Jake put his arm around me and we sat on the log watching the sea until it got cooler and the tide started coming in. I dropped Jake at his place. We kissed and kept ourselves in check. I drove home happy, pleased with myself. I felt selfish but knew I had to be to hold myself back.

I got home and Charlie was cooking dinner… or burning it. I wasn't really sure.

"Hey! How was your day? Everything ok with the ute? How's Jake?"

Shit! Bloody cops with their questions! I smirked at the memory of being interrogated over some petty thief thing a couple of years ago.

"Yeah, all good. Ute's good, Jake's good, all good."

"Ok, um… good then." Charlie giggled to himself. "Dinners almost ready."

"Ok, I'll just go and freshen up and I'll be down in a minute."

First things first though, my priority was to change the station on my alarm clock. Change was good, it was time for it. It was going to be… good.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay peeps... a few health issues with me (including a wee injury) and my beta is not well either... so I dedicate this to her, she brightens my day even when I just see her name in my email inbox! Much love and xxxx to you Nic! :)_


	5. Chapter 4

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 4**

I slept well. I didn't know if I had dreamt or not but I didn't care. No nightmares, nothing. I felt fresh and alive. My alarm clock was blaring out Muse's "Uprising" so I left it going and bounced around as I got dressed for school. I got downstairs; Charlie had gone as usual so I grabbed my pop tarts and coffee then headed off to school. The sun was out for a change. Change. This day was starting off great already.

I got to the parking lot at school and jumped out of the ute – deodorant and gum routine after my ciggie and headed towards the school. Eric and Mike were hanging by a van and said "Good morning." I smiled and nodded. Angela met me in the corridor. Everyone seemed bright and bouncy. Or was it me?

"So, English first?" Angela said as we reached our lockers.

Shit! I'd been such a bitch to Edward and cleanly forgot to talk to Charlie about working on our assignment after school. Great. We headed off to class as the bell rang and I walked in to see Edward sketching in his book. I sat down next to him.

"Hey."

He just nodded without looking up. Shit, shit.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to be so…"

"Yeah… forgotten."

Ouch! Cold! I guess I deserved that.

"So, you play?"

I looked at his sketching of the woman around the guitar, it was becoming more detailed. He was an incredible artist by the looks of it.

"Huh? Oh… yeah. A little." Edward shrugged.

"That would be a "huh" for the non-geek?" I smiled warmly towards him to try and lift the mood.

"I guess so."

"Any other talents other than guitar and sketching?"

"Talent? I wouldn't say I'm talented."

"Well, what would you say? She's beautiful." I nodded my head towards Edward's sketch. "Did someone pose or is that straight from your head?"

"Uh… my head I suppose."

"Someone you know?"

"Not yet." Edward smiled his half smile.

Good, at least I hadn't completely fucked up so we'd be able to work on our assignment together.

Mr Berty set us to reading sonnets and other works from Shakespeare to help those of us who didn't understand or know how to interpret the writing and poetry for our class assignments. It was actually an easy class, reading and then discussing it with our assignment partners while Mr Berty circled the class listening to the discussions and helping out those who just didn't get it. I quickly learned that Edward had a depth of knowledge for writing and poetry so we had some pretty insightful discussions. I was glad that we both weren't going to be letting each other down when it came to working on this assignment.

School passed by so quickly. Lunch was hilarious watching Eric, Mike and some guy called Tyler hassling each other about some sort of surfing competition coming up. It was apparently an annual thing down at La Push.

"Yeah, but at least I stood up!" Mike pointed out.

"For like, two seconds." Eric teased.

"And what about that Jacob dude? Man, he was off the charts!" Tyler added.

"Jacob?" I almost blurted out.

"Yeah, you know him?" Mike looked shocked.

"Um… yeah, I do, if it's the same Jacob."

"Whoa, so you know the guy that ripped up the waves and took the trophy while Eric was still flailing about in the water like a little girl?" Tyler shoved Eric jokingly in the shoulder.

"Hey! I got pummelled by a wave!" Eric pouted.

"Yeah, yeah." Mike laughed.

"Uh… I guess?" Was there another guy called Jacob? And he knew La Push better than anyone having never been anywhere else his whole life.

"The guy lives down there. I've seen him on a motorbike in town. His Dad is one of the tribal leaders or something." Eric looked intrigued.

"Yeah, sounds like the same guy."

"Wow! I bet he could teach us some tricks! You reckon you could hook us up?" Mike was over-excited.

"Uh… ok. I'll ask him tonight."

"What? Are you, like, best friends or dating or something?" Jessica had her gossip inquiry tone to her voice and twirling her fingers in her hair. What a ditz.

"Ah… kinda, I guess."

"Well, what is it?" Jessica leaned forward like someone was going to clue her into the biggest story of a life time.

I noticed all of the eyes were focused intently on me. I rolled my eyes.

"It's true!" Jessica applauded in excitement.

"There's no label. Our families have known each other for years, but yeah, I guess we're closer than friends."

"I knew it! I knew something was different! Didn't I say that something was different, Angela?" Jessica was unbelievable.

Angela softly smiled at me and didn't spur Jessica on. Did I say that I liked Angela? I like Angela. Before the gossip and questioning could start, I headed over to the cafeteria bar and started filling a bowl with bits of fruit.

"So, Jacob huh?"

I jumped in surprise knocking the bowl which Edward caught before it could fall to the floor.

"Shit! Uh… thanks."

Edward smirked.

"No problem. You know you should be careful around him, he's got a bit of a reputation."

"Right, ok. I thought you didn't judge people based on rumours?" I challenged him.

"Who said they're rumours?" Edward smiled warmly and almost slightly apologetically.

I eyed him sideways wondering what he was getting at. Could I not have one day of feeling special about someone with no crap attached?

"Well, my family has known his for years so I'm not concerned by any gossip."

"I'm just letting you know. You don't want to get too involved with him."

"Well, thanks for the heads up but I can look after myself."

"I'm sure you can. I…"

Before Edward could say anything more, I grabbed my fruit and went back to the table. Thankfully the subject had changed so I didn't have to rip into anyone. I sat quietly and picked at my food.

"You ok?" Angela asked quietly.

"Yeah." Not very convincing.

Angela smiled warmly. I loved that she didn't beat around the bush. She was straight up and didn't try to drag things on.

I was grateful when the last bell of the day rang. I grabbed my gear and headed off to the car park.

"Bella." Great. Edward.

"Yeah?" I turned around to see him leaning on his hummer.

"Studying tomorrow?"

"Oh… should be ok. I forgot to talk to Dad but I'll check tonight."

"Where would be easiest? Yours, mine, some geeky library or somewhere in town?" Yeah, his pose and his sweet little sideways smile could melt me but I wouldn't let it.

"Uh… I hadn't really thought about it."

"Well, if it's ok with your Dad, Carlisle and Esme are ok with you studying at mine."

"Um…"

"We have a separate dining area which tends to be quiet. I'll give you directions tomorrow."

"Cool. I'll let you know what he says."

"Cool. See you then."

"Yeah… see ya."

I turned and headed towards my ute. Fucking great! A flat tyre and not just any flat tyre, some fucker had sliced it and I had no spare. Who the hell had I pissed off in Forks already? FUCK! I kicked the wheel.

"FUCK!"

Most of the students had already left and no teachers were about. I lit a smoke and grabbed my bag wishing I had a cell phone so I could call Charlie or Jake. I started walking off the lot to head home when Edward called out.

"Need a ride?" Ugh!

"Um… I don't want to be any trouble."

"It won't be any trouble! Jump in!" A chirpy voice came out from the other side and then her head bobbed forward, bright and beaming Alice. My misfortune was her excitement apparently. I thought about the walk home and really couldn't be bothered with it.

"That'd be great. Thanks." I dragged hard on my ciggie before stubbing it out and opening the back door of the hummer.

"Thanks heaps. I'll pay you for the gas."

"Never mind, it's on the way home." Edward smiled in the rear-view mirror at me.

"Oh, are we not going to the café? Bella could come too… Bella?" Alice turned to face me from the front seat.

"Uh… I don't want to impose."

"Oh! You're not! It'd be nice if you could join us. We usually go once a week on a Wednesday."

"Ah… ok. Why is that?"

Edward headed off towards the main road.

"Well, because we're generally busy and with a full house sometimes it's nice to get out in the middle of the week and just chill over a nice latte or whatever you drink to get past hump day."

"Hump day? What?" I giggled at Alice's terminology.

Edward laughed. "It's our middle of the week "getting over the hump" pick-me-up."

"Oh." I giggled again. "Sounds great. So where do you normally go?"

Alice was beyond excitement. If she was a puppy, I would've let her out to pee.

"There's a nice little place in Port Angeles. They do the best coffee."

"Port Angeles?" I didn't think past the few places I knew of in Forks, particularly Charlie's regular diner.

"Yeah, is that ok?" Edward asked looking at me in the mirror again.

"Yeah, it's cool."

"Is Charlie or Jacob expecting you?"

"No, but I'll call Charlie when we get there just to let him know where I am."

"Here, you can call him on this." Edward handed me his cell phone.

"Ugh… you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thanks, I'll pay you back."

Edward giggled. "No, it's cool. Carlisle and Esme pay for it."

Of course they do, he drives a hummer.

I left a message at home in case I wasn't back in time for dinner. I was sure Charlie would be ok as he took a shining to Edward and Alice the other night.

"Sorry, did you say Jacob? As in Jacob Black?" Alice asked cautiously.

"Yeah… why? What's with him? It's only been a day and I'm already being questioned!" I glared at Edward in the mirror and he looked at me then straight back at the road.

"Oh, never mind." Alice tried to drop the subject.

"No, what?" I was curious now, in fact, I needed to know what everyone knew but me.

"Um…"

"Just spit it out Alice!"

"Well, did you hear about him and Leah?"

"I heard something but I can't remember what exactly."

"The story is… was… that there was a complication in their relationship and things went bad. I don't think I should say any more. Perhaps you should ask him."

"I'm asking you Alice… and Edward. What's with Jake and Leah?"

Alice looked at Edward and he looked back at her then faced the road. He darted his eyes in the mirror to me and to the road a couple of times.

"What? I can handle it."

"I think you should talk to Jake. You'd get a straighter story. And in the position you're in, maybe that's best." Edward said softly.

"I'd like to know what it is before I approach him. Come on, what's the goss?" I looked at the scenery outside the window wondering how bad it could be.

"All I know is that someone got hurt, there was some cheating…" Edward trailed off.

"And?" I was getting peeved with the stalling.

"Someone got pregnant. It wasn't a nice situation."

"That's pretty vague. Any specifics?"

"None that I'm willing to share."

"And how do you know any of this?" I glared at Edward in the mirror again.

He signed. "Carlisle is the head of the team down at the clinic as well as a doctor up at the hospital. He specialises in trauma as well as gyney, obstetrics."

Of course. Great.

"What about doctor-patient confidentiality?" I questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

Edward didn't say anything but kept fixated on the road. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. Alice gently touched his arm with an apologetic expression. Edward nodded then she turned around in her seat to look at me.

"Edward and Jacob used to be good friends, like… really close. Jacob was with Leah at the time and Edward was with Emily. Emily and Jacob ended up together at a party one night, Edward knew it was someone at the reservation and when he found out that it was Jake, Emily was pregnant and Leah was in trouble for slashing Emily's tyres. Things got out of control and Emily ended up really hurt and losing the baby. Jake lost it and hit Leah."

"Pregnant? Out of control?" I was shocked and looked towards Edward.

"No, not me, on both accounts. I stayed away from La Push to avoid the crap." Edward answered solemnly.

"So, out of control, meaning…?"

Alice continued.

"Jake tried apologising to Edward, Edward ignored Jake completely so he couldn't get a word in, and Jake confided in Leah that he still had feelings for her, he slept with Emily again and Leah found out. Leah went to Emily's and hit her in the gut with a baseball bat and Emily lost the baby. Emily turned to Edward for support but it was too much so the elders got involved and as long as they all stay apart, everything seems to be ok."

"So… how long ago was this? I thought it was a year or two." I was dumbfounded.

"Six months." Edward spoke softly.

Six months? I had no idea it had been so fresh or what the extent of it was. I could have sworn that it had been over a year since Charlie mentioned it. Jake had hurt two girls and his best friend in the process. A girl had lost a baby, not only that, it sounded like it was beaten out of her. Poor Billy having to deal with all of it on top of his own health issues. And Charlie… Charlie must've been involved as the local law enforcement. Shit! And Jake? Jake had come across as so caring and understanding with me… this couldn't be true! Maybe the truth was twisted, added to… gossip on top of rumours. I knew what that was like!

"Are you… okay?" I could feel Edward looking at me as he spoke but I kept staring out the window.

"Fuck I hate baseball…" I murmured.

"What?" Alice looked puzzled.

"That's your answer to it all?" Edward was intrigued.

I burst into laughter at the situation. If it were true, trust me to have landed in the middle of it. Alice and Edward looked at each other and burst into laughter as well. Neither one of us really knew why we were laughing but it eased the tension of the whole situation.

Edward turned on the stereo playing a mixture of Kings of Leon and some other music I hadn't really heard before but I liked it. Alice was right, the café was great and despite the earlier conversation on the way, I actually enjoyed myself. Alice was a lot of fun and Edward was equally as amusing. They had a sibling banter going on and I wished I hadn't been an only child. It was also great to have some decent conversation based on the same intellect. I never really had that in Phoenix, never really having anyone I could call friends.

I got home and after reassuring I was fine and that I'd check with Charlie about tomorrow's study with Edward, Alice and Edward left and we were all in good spirits. I giggled to myself about how right they were about "hump day" and getting through the week. I decided to cook for Charlie after his cock up with the previous night's pasta. He had burnt the pasta in the sauce and the toast he offered as a side was soggy. Steak and stuffed potatoes would make up for it.

"That smells great." Charlie walked in.

I felt great about having done something nice knowing my thoughts about the imminent conversation. We sat in the lounge and ate whilst watching the news.

"Uh… Dad?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"I went to Port Angeles with Alice and Edward after school." I purposely used Alice's name first thinking of the "no boys" rules that had been set in place as a condition in Forks, the same that Phil had tried to invoke in Phoenix.

"Oh yeah? How was that? You didn't have an accident did you? I noticed your ute wasn't parked out front."

I hadn't thought much about the ute but it was obvious Charlie would have picked up on it missing. I was surprised he hadn't brought it up earlier. Maybe he was waiting for a confession of sorts.

"No, no accident. The ute's at school. We went to a café."

"Cool. So, why didn't you bring back the ute?"

"Well, it… someone… uh… slashed the tyre."

"Bella! What the hell? You haven't even been here a week! Who?"

"I know Dad! I know… I didn't purposely… shit… um, sorry." I got up and started pacing the floor running my hand through my hair.

"Ok, so I went with Edward… Alice and Edward…"

"And the ute Bells?"

"I'm getting there Dad! I kind of… have a close friendship with Jake…"

Charlie bolted up on the edge of his seat and opened his mouth but before he could speak I put my hands up to stop him.

"Just listen, ok?"

Charlie waited then nodded hesitantly.

"Ok."

"Ok, so… ugh…" I paced again.

"Slowly from the start Bells. You're making me nervous."

I sat back down and took a deep breath.

"Ok, just let me speak. First of all, I'm here with good intentions of changing my life, you know, from my behaviour in Phoenix…"

"Good?"

I glared at Charlie for speaking.

"Sorry." Charlie held his hands up in a defensive but gentle manner.

"I don't like who I was in Phoenix. I know it was me and I'm not shifting the blame but I can see how things with Renee and Phil were not good for me so I thought I'd start fresh, new town, new school, new… Dad…"

Charlie nodded and made the point of keeping his lips sealed.

"So, yesterday, when I went down to La Push to get Jake to look at my ute, things well… progressed."

Charlie stood up and I followed suit.

"Wait Dad. Not like that, it was just a kiss… kissing."

Charlie stood frozen, thought for a bit, opened his mouth and then shut it again before sitting back down. I sat down and felt like we were playing musical chairs.

"Anyway… I backed off. I went down to the beach, alone, and thought for a bit. Long story short, we decided to be more than friends but take things slowly… if that's, um… ok."

Charlie nodded.

"So, the ute?"

"Well, like I said, today I went with Ed… Alice and Edward to Port Angeles. On the way they told me some stuff… about Jake."

"They told you?" Charlie seemed startled even though he knew he had spoken to me months ago about it.

"Yeah, but not straight out. Things get around Forks quickly, school gossip is faster. So I guess they were concerned and I'm assuming maybe Leah heard something or whatever?"

Charlie looked down and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Dad? I need to know. Was what they were saying true? I mean… how bad? Well… how should I be… you know, what's with Jake? Do I trust him? Do I turn the other way? Could it have been Leah?"

Charlie sat back in his chair and paused in thought. The suspense was grating on my nerves.

"Well, knowing the Cullens and how well-behaved Edward is, in fact all those kids are considering…"

"Considering what?"

"Huh? Oh… never mind. I'm sure they would have told you the truth and skimped some of the gory details."

"Like?"

"Uh… like… did they tell you how badly Emily was beaten?"

I shook my head.

"They just said Emily got hit by Leah with a bat to the gut and she lost her baby."

"I'm sure they did."

"Huh?" I was feeling a little bewildered by this point.

"Ugh! Shit Bells… it was bad. Leah really took it out on Emily. She wasn't hit once or even a couple of times, she was smacked around… a lot. And that's an understatement. It was so bad by the time Leah had hit Emily around the head that she had exhausted herself with the bat. Emily's head was smashed, her arms broken and her legs bruised to hell. Leah dropped the bat and while Emily was unconscious and bleeding on the floor, that's when Leah kicked her multiple times in the abdomen."

"Oh my God!" I was horrified to say the least.

"That's not all. Edward had arranged to meet Emily to make peace and wish her well. He offered support knowing Jake wasn't really… well, up to it so they were making plans together, as friends. He was the one who found her."

I couldn't even put into words how sad and disgusted I felt. Poor Emily! And Edward…

"So… did Leah go to jail?"

"Well, she's just a minor Bells. That and she was a mess so jail wouldn't have benefited her at all. We organised her to stay at a safe house at the reservation. The elders vouched for her and she's been getting help. She's been no trouble since."

"And Emily?"

"She's better. She has scars and keeps to herself. In fact, she doesn't really leave her house much at all. She lay in an induced coma for a few weeks and doesn't remember much of what happened. Edward, well, he kept a vigil by her side. He never left the hospital, not even for school. He's an amazing boy Bells. But Jake… well, we're hoping his good behaviour isn't just a phase."

"So… what should I do?"

Charlie got up and paced the floor with his finger tapping on his lip while he thought. I sat on the edge of the seat almost pleading with my eyes for an answer. I waited. Silence…

Charlie eventually stopped in his tracks and turned to me.

"Do you like him? I mean, I guess you do because you're asking about him and what to do, but… how much?"

Charlie sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of me and took my hands in his rubbing the backs of my hands with his thumbs soothingly and patiently while I thought.

"I don't know Dad. This is all new territory for me. I've never been involved… like, in a relationship. I've never had to consider anyone else's feelings before. Fuck! I never even considered my own."

At that point I was completely lost and confused. I didn't know what to do. Tears started streaming down my cheeks and I looked up to Charlie hoping he could answer it all for me.

"Maybe…"

"What? What Dad?"

"Ok, so you've got a couple of options. You could either stay apart knowing what you know and give yourself time, I know either way it's not going to be easy and maybe being alone is a good thing."

"Ok… and the other option?"

"Well…"

"I'm going to have to know my options Charlie… Dad…"

"Well, you could do the adult thing and talk to him. Talk to Jake. I know it's hard but maybe with you both being young, with messy pasts and with futures ahead of you, you could pace yourselves, you know… support each other. Whichever you decide, Bells, I'll support you and keep you safe as long as you're open and honest with me, yeah? I really do appreciate that you took the responsibility to talk to me. And your ute… don't worry about it. I'll look into it."

"My ute…" I thought about Leah and what she had done to my tyre. Then I thought about what she had done to Emily. I could feel myself being lost into bewilderment again.

"We'll sort it Bells, it's just a vehicle."

"I know Dad. I'm not worried about that. Maybe… if you don't mind, maybe I should talk to Jake. I could call him now, if that's ok?"

"Uh… I don't know Bells. It's all a bit fresh isn't it?"

"Yeah, but if I don't I won't sleep and it'll be worse tomorrow. School…"

"School?" Charlie was confused by the change of subject.

"Edward…"

"Don't worry over school and Edward… well, Edward's strong. I know that much."

"Dad, Edward's my partner for an English assignment. I forgot to ask and I was supposed to tonight as we wanted to start working on it tomorrow after school… I wanted to check with you first with the whole 'seeing guys outside of school' whether it was for school or not… I wanted to… I…"

At that stage I broke down. What a fucking mess! Charlie pulled me into a hug.

"Tell you what, you keep them apart and you'll be fine. One is personal and one is school. If you can do that, you'll be fine. I'm here Bells, I'm not leaving."

I cried into Charlie's arms for a while grateful for talking to him. Yeah, I was upset with the whole situation but I felt comforted I had someone. I had Charlie, my Dad.


	6. Chapter 5

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 5**

I went up to my room to think for a bit, the whole afternoon's information swamping me. I needed to make a decision and I knew I wouldn't sleep until I did. I picked up my walkman and scrolled through it until I found Evanescence, I was in the mood for something emo. I grabbed my writing book and came out with a bunch of one-liners and small verses, nothing complete. I sighed and by the time the band version of "My Immortal" had played, I was ready.

I flopped my feet as I walked down the stairs glumly and deep in thought. Charlie was watching football. Thank God he wasn't into baseball, I had had enough of that shit to last me a lifetime and quite possibly the one after that. Charlie looked up as I entered the room.

"You okay Bells?"

"Yeah, I think so. I think I just need to talk to Jake, get his perspective and hash things out. Is it too late to call?"

We both looked at the clock, it was only quarter to eight but it felt like nine. I shrugged.

"Nah, it should be okay. Billy's probably watching the game. Did you want me to talk to Billy first, you know… give him a heads-up?"

"Ah… no, but thanks. I'm pretty calm and had a good think about it all. I'll drop it if it's too much."

"Okay, I'll be right here."

"Uh, Dad?" Now was probably a good time if any. "There's one more thing."

"Yeah Bells?" Charlie sat up looking overly concerned.

"I, uh… I smoke."

"Christ Bells! I thought you were going to say something worse!" Charlie lay back down.

"Huh? I thought you'd be mad?"

"Well… I won't say I'm happy about it but I smelt it on you the first day at the airport. As long as it's outside and not at school I won't bring it up. But you have to buy them yourself."

"Thanks Dad." I smiled sheepishly.

I pulled my packet and lighter from my pocket and grabbed the cordless phone heading for the back door. Hiding my smoking from a cop and one that I lived with… what a dick! As if I could hide any of that shit from Charlie. As I walked out, Charlie called out.

"And no butts all over the lawn! Find something to put them in!"

I giggled. It was so weird! I had been so worried about Charlie finding out from the start. I shook my head at myself for being so naïve. I shut the door, sat down on the back doorstep and lit my smoke. I hesitated as I took a deep drag then exhaled finding Billy's number in the speed dial. The phone rang a couple of times before it answered and I could feel my heart pounding in my throat.

"Yeah?"

"Oh hey Billy, it's Bella. I hope I haven't called you at a bad time?"

"Nah, ads are on. How are you?"

"Good."

"Charlie okay?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could talk to Jake please?"

"Yeah, sure… JAKE!" I pulled the phone from my ear and took another deep drag on my smoke.

"Oh, tell Charlie fishing on Saturday."

"Will do."

"Thanks Bella… JAKE!"

I heard a door slam in the background.

"YEAH? What?"

"HEY! Cool it! It's Bella… quit the attitude Jake."

"Sure, sure. Hello?"

I finished the drag on my smoke before answering. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. I wasn't expecting your call."

"I know. I… uh…"

"What's up Bella?"

"I don't know how to go about this but I need to talk to you about something…"

"Just spit it out, Bella. What's up?"

"Well… I was told some things today that involve you."

"No shit… did Charlie tell you?"

"Actually, no but…"

"So who?"

"It doesn't matter who. I just…"

"Who Bella? It does matter." I could hear Jake getting irritable.

"Really, I only want to talk to you, get your… um… perspective."

"Was it someone from La Push or Forks?" Jake sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth.

"Ugh… Jake, I don't want to say. I just want to hear it from you."

"Bella, I thought we were going to be easier than this!"

"We will be… we are… I just, I want to know… ugh!"

"Is it easier if I talk to you in person?"

I pondered this for a moment. It would be easier to see his body language and thought about being on fairly neutral ground in case things didn't go so well.

"Ah… probably." I tried thinking of where we could meet.

"Want to meet me at the beach?"

"Uh… actually, I don't have transport." Shit.

"Why, what happened to the ute? Did it crap out?"

"No, it… the tyres flat so it's still at school. I haven't had time to arrange a spare."

"Oh, the spare's here. Um… just a minute." I could hear muffled voices of Jake talking to Billy in the background.

"I'll meet you soon. I'll take the spare and change the tyre then come get you."

"Jake… Charlie wants the tyre."

"Why?"

"It… uh… got slashed." Fuck! I cringed knowing Jake would react.

"FUCKING LEAH!"

"I didn't say…"

"You don't have to. That fucking bitch! It's her MO. I saw her today and she knew about us."

"How?" I felt uneasy about the thought of being watched by a psychopath.

"She saw us at the beach. I suppose Charlie wants to check for prints if any."

I didn't think, or want to think, that far ahead.

"Look, I don't care. I'll meet you at the ute."

"Bella…"

"No, Jake. There's obviously been enough shit. We either just be us or leave it. I can't deal with any crap… I can't… I won't." I felt my heart racing again and swallowed the lump in my throat.

Jacob calmed down and spoke softly. "Fair enough. How are you going to get to the ute?"

"Oh… I hadn't thought that far. I'll ask Ch… Dad."

"Ask if he's cool with the bike, I can get you."

"Um…"

"Just ask, Bella. If he can't trust me to be on my bike with you, then how will he trust me if we're together, you know… alone?"

Fair call. I took a deep drag on my smoke and stubbed it out in the nearest flower pot. The plant had died long ago so I didn't think Charlie would mind. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

"Hold on Jake…" I held the phone to my chest. "Hey Dad…" I call out as I walked in.

"Yeah Bells?" Charlie startled me. He was hovering in front of the open fridge, no doubt eavesdropping.

"Shit! Um… sorry… is it cool if Jake picks me up on his bike and we go change the tyre on the ute?"

"Ah… Bells…" Charlie frowned. Great. Not happy. Charlie shut the fridge door and faced me. He was wide-eyed but not angry. I was confused.

"Is he still on the phone?" Charlie asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Ta." Charlie held out his hand for the phone. I felt like a little child asking if I could go to a friend's house when the parents hadn't met yet. I handed him the phone.

"Jake… Charlie. It's not that I don't trust you, or your bike handling… yeah… no I understand… I don't think, well, I don't know if she's… oh? Really?" Charlie eyed me suspiciously. "Bells, you been on a bike before?"

I didn't like being third party to the phone conversation.

"Uh… yeah." Sheepish admittance.

"When? I mean… much?"

"Yeah, Dad." I felt like I was a disappointment under his stare. Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Typical." Charlie turned away.

"Yeah, Jake. It's fine. Bring a spare helmet, in good condition. And I want to hear "responsible" and "speed limit". The curfew is her back in one piece by nine…"

"Dad…" I interrupted.

"Okay, ten. One piece. Are we clear?" Charlie didn't wait for an answer and passed me the phone. He huffed and walked away to the lounge.

"Uh… Jake?" I tentatively held the phone to my ear.

"Yeah, Bella? It's cool. So I'll see you soon."

"Ah… ok."

I ended the call and I wasn't sure what to make of the situation. My breathing was shallow, I felt nauseated and my palms started sweating. It was the first time I felt scared of Charlie and was in a familiar situation but a different location. I had to give it to Phil, he was predictable. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help but feel like I was literally walking on eggshells as I slowly made my way to the doorway of the lounge and leant against the door frame. Charlie was watching the game, or pretending to.

"Bells…"

"Yeah, Dad?" I almost whispered trying to push my voice out.

Charlie didn't look at me.

"I want you to be strong. If he goes too fast, you tell him. If he leans too much, you raise your voice at him. Be assertive." Charlie was giving me assertiveness lessons?

"Dad… it's me you're talking to." I giggled making light of the situation.

Charlie sighed. "I know kiddo."

Charlie sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

"I knew it wouldn't be easy having me live with you. God! I've fucked up already haven't I?" My eyes started welling up and I struggled to fight back the tears.

"Oh Bells, I just… I feel like I just got you back. After all these years… I guess you can take the child away from the Dad but the Dad never stops being a Dad." Charlie's voice got quieter near the end.

I giggled. "Dad…"

We hugged each other both giving a light chuckle. I felt the tears spill over but they were more tears of joy this time as I actually felt the father-daughter bond seep through my veins. I felt… loved. I hugged Charlie tighter.

"You wear that jacket you wore on your first day." Charlie said firmly.

I pulled back from Charlie looking puzzled.

"Huh?"

"The leather one, you know, in case…"

"Oh! Dad! And I thought you were giving me fashion tips now!" I giggled again.

"You haven't turned me into a poof yet with all your girly shit in the bathroom." Charlie laughed.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Bells…" Charlie's voice changed into a sombre tone.

"I'll be good Dad, for you, at least I'll try anyway."

"Cool, but… here…" Charlie lifted a small box from behind the sofa and handed it to me. It was a cell phone. "I was waiting for a special time, you know, a reward or something."

I looked up as another tear streamed down my face.

"It's charged and there's twenty dollars on it. My numbers are in it, home, work and my mobile are all on speed dial."

"Dad…"

"I know Bells. You come back in one piece."

"I'm not going anywhere, Dad. Just up the road and then I'll drive my ute to the beach. I'll ring you when I get to the ute."

"The beach…"

"No, Dad. I'll ring you from the ute, then the beach." I smiled and hugged him again.

"I love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Dad. Oh, before I forget, you're fishing Saturday."

"We'll just see how things go first."

"Dad…" I started then we heard the bike.

We both looked at the front door then at each other.

"That was quick." We both said in unison and then laughed.

I kissed Charlie on the cheek then grabbed my jacket. I turned to look at Charlie. He was standing with his hands in his pockets looking down at his foot which he was softly twisting on the carpet.

"Hey…"

"He's waiting." Charlie spoke softly.

"Yup."

I wiped my eyes, put on my jacket and took a breath before heading out the door. Fuck! I had gone soft. At least my jacket always felt like my armour, I often wore it when I knew there was some sort of shit about to hit the fan in Phoenix, it was a comfort thing.

I headed over to Jake and smiled.

"All good?" Jake looked concerned.

"Yeah." I realised I probably looked like a mess.

Jake handed me the helmet. I put it on turning to smile and wave at Charlie standing in the doorway as I knew he would be. He waved back. Jake smile and waved at Charlie then kick-started the bike. He grinned at me as it roared to life. I mounted the bike holding onto him. Jake looked at Charlie, revved his bike and chuckled. I looked at Charlie to see him scowling and I slapped Jake on the shoulder.

"Quit it Jake!"

He chuckled again and drove off slowly. He just couldn't help but wind someone up for the hell of it. At least we were in good spirits before the impending shit conversation.

We got to the ute and I called Charlie as soon as Jake turned of the bike.

"We're here… love you too, Dad." I flipped the phone shut.

"New phone?" Jake grinned.

"Uh… yeah."

"How'd you score that?"

"Um… good behaviour. Well, at least I think so… or it will be… ugh!"

Jake laughed. "No pressure?"

"Well, I guess if I behave, I get to keep it." I shrugged.

"Let's have a look at this thing." Jake crouched next to the flat tyre.

"Yep, slashed. Fucking bitch!" Jake shook his head and got up to get the spare. He must've come past the ute on his way and put the spare on the deck.

"I'm sorry, Jake."

"Why? You didn't do anything."

I nodded not knowing what to say.

"Her problems are with me, not you. Don't worry. I'll get her to back off."

"Jake, Charlie will…"

"Deal with it, I know." Jake sighed. "It's just not cool."

"Yeah…" I had no words and felt like a bitch just knowing about Leah and her situation. She obviously still had strong feelings for Jake. Part of me felt like just backing away from the whole ordeal but I knew that wasn't fair to Jake, especially if he was trying to improve himself.

The tyre was changed quickly and Jake threw the slashed tyre in the deck of the ute.

"Ill meet you at the beach." He spoke heading to his bike.

"Did you want to put your bike on the back?" I gestured to the ute.

"Nah, it's cool. I'll meet you there."

"Um… ok."

Jake took a long look into my eyes and then kissed me gently on the forehead before getting on his bike. I stood frozen wondering what he was thinking about and my thought was interrupted by Jake kick-starting his bike. I got in the ute and turned it over. At least Leah hadn't messed with the engine or siphoned the gas. I looked at Jake. He nodded as if he had been thinking the same thing then he sped off skidding the back wheel as he left.

It felt like forever since watching Jake's taillight fade ahead into the darkness before I finally reached the beach. The drive to La Push had me thinking. I was going over the scenarios our conversation would or could play out. I pulled up and cut the engine staring at a glow coming from the beach.

I wandered down to the log Jake and I had sat at before all this shit… more shit… great. What was with the log? Just a stupid washed up chunk of tree. I felt like kicking the crap out of it. Jake had a small fire going with a rug out in front of the log which he was sitting on. It looked cosy. He was gazing into the fire. I ran my finger along the handlebars of his bike which he had leant against the log as I rounded it to take a seat next to him.

"So... tell me, what have you been told?"

I sighed and lit a smoke. "So… you and Leah… it was recent?"

"Uh… I guess."

"Like, how recent? And I mean… for you?"

"Well, it's kinda been over for about half a year, for me anyway, or longer. I guess it depends how you look at it. The whole things a mess and I really thought it was all in the past, done and dusted."

"But not for Leah."

"Obviously not." Jake's voice was low and slightly irritable.

"Do you… uh… see her? You know… around?"

"Yeah, she's a local girl. She lives here on the res."

"Do you talk to her?"

"No. Look Bella, if I can't talk to people around here, or whatever, I can't do the jealous girlfriend thing again." Jake stood and started to walk away but I grabbed is hand.

"Wait… ugh!" I was going about this all wrong. "How about we start over? How about you tell me what your side is and we'll go from there?"

Jake groaned and ran his hand down his face before sitting back down.

"Can I have one of those?" Jake nodded towards my cigarette.

"Sure." I got one out and lit it for him as he grabbed something out of a backpack next to the log. I passed him the smoke as he took a swig from the bottle. I eyed him sideways.

"Drinking?"

"Dutch courage." Jake dragged on the smoke.

"You're not Dutch." I smiled.

"Funny… you want?" I looked at the bottle of bourbon then at my ute and bit on the bottom of my lip.

"Yeah, but I have to be good. I have a curfew and… oh shit! Charlie!" I flipped out my phone and texted Charlie quickly. Hopefully he knew how to check that shit.

"Right." I took a big swig from the bottle and saw Jake grinning as I swallowed. "What? Is Dutch courage not okay for me?"

"You're not Dutch."

"That I know of."

"You didn't even cringe… not enough bite?"

"Ah… um… I used to drink a lot."

"A lot as in…"

"A lot, that's all I'm saying. Now quit stalling and tell me."

"So, what was it you wanted to know?"

I took another swig from the bottle before handing it back to Jake.

"Firstly, where do you buy your drink or does someone get it for you?" I winked.

"Stick with me, baby and I'll hook you up." Jake chuckled. He put his arm around my shoulder and slid us down the log onto the rug and we leaned against the log.

"Seriously, is there somewhere I can buy drink around here or what?"

"Yeah, Port Angeles or Seattle, you know, away from the locals. I go and buy a few at a time. You know that shop in Port Angeles that sells local tribe stuff, books and has a small café off to the side?"

"Nope, but you bet your ass I'll find it." I grinned.

"The side street it's on the corner of, next to a shady bar, is my liquor store. They'll treat you right as long as you say nothing."

"Sold."

"So… I guess I have to share some deeper bullshit now?"

"That's why we're here."

Jake took another swig from the bottle, looked into the fire while he finished his cigarette then flicked the butt into the fire.

"Ok… I admit I was an ass. I was a really horrible, selfish fucker and while I was with Leah, I cheated. Not only that but one of the girls was my best friend's girl and she got pregnant. Leah went nuts and beat the shit out of the chick. She ended up in the hospital in a bad way and lost the baby, the chick, not Leah. I lost everything except Leah.

"She was the one thing I wanted to lose but she won't let go. I know how much of an ass I was and I deserved to lose everything. I just don't know how to stop her, she' like a shadow everywhere I go.

"The elders are trying to help her and keep her out of trouble. As long as I stay away and keep my ass clean then it's in the past for me, but for Leah it's not. She still thinks she's with me, or will be… or whatever. But she's not.

"I'm with you. I want to be with you. I'm well over her, have been for a long time. Shit! I've rambled… did any of that make sense?"

I tried to stifle a giggle at the change in Jake's tone. "Yeah… it was pretty much what I had been told."

"Was it… Edward?"

"I said I wouldn't name anyone, Jake."

"Edward… school… typical."

"Jake, I…"

"No, Bella. I should have guessed. You're at school together."

Jake took another drink and we sat in silence. I lit up another two cigarettes and handed one to Jake, he handed me the bottle and I took a couple of gulps feeling the warmth hit me at the same time a small wave of numbness hit my brain taking the edge of my nerves. About time. I looked at my watch.

"What time is it?" Jake mumbled.

"Just after nine."

"So, what do we do?"

"I'm not sure."

"Me neither."

"Wait…" I pulled my phone out of my pocket and phone home.

"Dad… yeah, no, we're good. Just at the beach talking. Is it cool if I'm a little later, like ten-thirty max? Yeah… thanks. I love you Dad."

I hung up the phone and looked at Jake. "We have until nine-thirty then I need to stop drinking, then we have until ten before I need to head home." I smiled.

"Tell Charlie I love him too next time you talk to him."

We giggled.

"So… I understand if you don't want to stick around." Jake said quietly leaning back and looking at the sky with his head on the log. I shuffled down curling up next to Jake running my finger along his jaw line.

"I'm still here aren't I?"

Jake looked down at me, his chocolate brown eyes glistening.

"But for how long?" I could almost feel the pain in his voice.

"Until ten." We giggled which lightened the mood. "As long as we're okay and right now, I think we're strong enough to have shit in our past that we're dealing with together, so I'm going with it and saying we're okay, if that makes sense. What do you think?"

"I'm going with okay too. Man… we're a fucked up pair aren't we?"

I nodded. We had a couple more swigs from the bottle and finished a couple of cigarettes, flicking the butts into the fire. I watched as the flames engulfed them and then turned to Jake.

"Thanks for being honest."

Jake nodded. He turned to face me and slowly leaned down pressing his lips against mine. His kiss was soft and slow then grew deeper and more passionate. I groaned as his tongue parted my lips and ran along my top lip.

Jake lifted his head holding my chin. "So, we're okay?"

I giggled. "We're more than okay."

"Okay." Jake grinned hooking his arm underneath me and pulling me down flat onto the blanket underneath him. It was warm and the fire was crackling. Jake's kiss was deep and intense, his tongue pushing with mine as his hand came down my side then grazed up underneath my sweater. I groaned and ran my hands through Jake's hair pulling his head down firmly to mine as I pushed my tongue against his.

Jake ran the fingers across the under wire of my bra and nibbled my bottom lip before pulling away from our kiss.

"Are we still okay?"

I giggled again. "Definitely okay."

Jake smiled, lifted my sweater and unclasped my bra before grazing the back of his finger along my breast kissing me along my jaw line and down my neck. I hadn't been touched like this in a long time and never so tenderly. In fact, I don't think anyone ever concerned themselves with my feelings in the middle of, well, foreplay or any play.

As Jake started kissing my breast and cupping the other in his hand I could have kicked myself for comparing the past to what was happening now as it broke the moment for me. I knew I had to stop before things got too far and I didn't want to lead Jake on. I also didn't want to hurt him.

I lifted Jake's chin and leaned up to kiss him. I kissed him slowly and gently holding his head in my hands before slowly pulling away.

"Too far?" He asked cautiously.

"Um… it's okay."

"Bella…"

"It's fine. I don't want to… um…"

"It's okay, Bella." Jake smiled gently and leaned in kissing me softly as I clasped my bra and pulled my sweater down.

He scooped his arm under the arch of my back pulling me up as we still kissed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug, I wrapped my arms around him in return with my head against his chest gazing into the fire. I felt at ease, contented and… strong.

"Can I see you tomorrow? After school?" Jake asked quietly.

"Yeah… oh shit! No…"

"Huh?" Jake pulled from the hug to look at me.

"Can we make it later, after dinner? I have to work on an assignment."

"Homework? You're choosing homework over me?" Jake pouted cheekily.

"Well, I'm not but I have to. It's a big assignment and I've arranged to work on it every Tuesday and Thursday at this point."

"That's a firm schedule. Why is that?"

"Uh… I've been paired up like the rest of the class by the English teacher. It's um… shit. Is it going to be a problem? I should have said earlier…" I looked down feeling guilty.

"Edward?"

"Ah… yeah."

"Hmm…" Jake's eyebrows furrowed.

"Jake, I… I didn't choose him. The English teacher…"

"It's okay Bella, as long as you're not piggy-in-the-middle and you're… look, anything that happened is between him and me now, as it was, as it should be."

I nodded.

"If there's any trouble…"

"There won't be. And if there is, we'll work it out, together, if it happens."

"You mean _when_ it happens."

"No, I said _if_. It'll be fine. I better go anyway. Oh, give me your phone."

Jake looked puzzled and then realised when I grabbed my phone to look up the number and then programmed it into his phone. Jake took his phone, looked at it appreciatively and smiled a goofy grin.

"I'll text you when I've finished studying." I smiled at his expression.

"Not if I text you before."

We kissed again and held each other briefly while gazing into the fire then packed up the blanket leaving the beach. Jake grabbed me with one arm and scooped me up while holding his bike with the other hand. His kiss was deep and firm before he lowered me to my feet.

"I could do that over and over until my lips go blue." Jake licked his bottom lip.

"And what makes you think I'd let you?" I winked and grinned. Yeah, I probably looked goofy now.

"I'd say you'd have no choice in the matter."

We reached the ute and Jake pinned me against it kissing me again. Each kiss was more and more intense. His body pushed against mine and I heard the thud of Jake's bike as he pushed it away before hooking my legs up around his waist. I giggled as Jake kissed my neck.

"Jake…"

"Hmmm?"

"You'll have no one to kiss if Charlie locks me away."

"Hmmm…" Jake nibbled on my ear and I whimpered.

"Jake…"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm serious… or… trying to be."

Jake kissed along my jaw line before kissing my lips darting his tongue in and out gently before sucking my bottom lip.

"Tomorrow." He whispered against my lips.

"I'll try."

"Tomorrow." His voice was firmer.

I giggled. "If I'm not locked away."

"I'll let you go then, but you'll be back." Jake winked.

I climbed in the ute, started it and wound down the window.

"Who says I'll be back?" I grinned.

"Who says you can stay away?" Jake gave a cheesy smile.

I laughed. Yeah, he knew he was sexy.

"Tomorrow." I backed up the ute and smiled as Jake picked up his bike brushing some dirt off the side.

"Look! See what you do to me?" Jake gestured at his bike.

I laughed and shook my head. Jake started his bike and pulled up next to me. He leaned in the window and pecked me on the lips.

"Text me when you get home."

"Deal."

Jake revved the bike and took off pulling a wheelie. I shook my head and laughed again.

I turned on my stereo singing along to U2's "With or Without You" and headed home grinning like a school girl with a crush but I didn't care because that's who I was. No one could take that feeling from me right now so I basked in it.

Charlie was asleep on the couch when I got home. I threw a blanket over him and kissed him on the cheek. He stirred slightly and I whispered that I was home and everything was fine. I was sure he could hear it in my voice as he smiled and nodded before drifting off again.

I got into bed and played Paramore on my walkman. I was still smiling while I reflected on the time at the beach, the shit conversation clearly not in the picture. I felt warmth and elation and finally fell asleep listening to the words from "The Only Exception."


	7. Chapter 6

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 6**

I had Gym today. Baseball again but I didn't care. I was too happy to give a shit. I picked the outfield knowing hardly any of the girls would hit that far if at all. I sat on the ground with my legs stretched out and leaning back on my hands taking in the sunshine whilst occasionally checking there was no change in the batting for me to bother getting up for. The Gym teacher called out a couple of times for me to stand up or switch places with someone but she gave up after I returned her requests with a "don't kill my happy buzz or you'll get what's coming" glare. So Gym was great! It was probably the first time in a long while that I actually enjoyed the stupid game.

At lunch, Angela and I giggled at Jessica's poor attempt for sympathy trying to get the guys to give her pointers for batting. Mike took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Jessica pretending to help her hold an imaginary bat and practice swinging techniques. His occasional grin and wink had everyone at the table in hysterics. I checked my phone regularly after having already received about ten texts from Jake.

The school day flew by; maths was a breeze as I spent the period giggling with Angela about ways to hook her up with Eric. By the time the final bell rang, I was all set to work on my English assignment with a carefree attitude. Nothing could kill my buzz. Everything was brighter and cheerful.

I met Edward in the car park and followed him to his house. I had been up early with Charlie in the morning giving him details of mine and Jake's conversation the night before sans the particulars he didn't need to know of course. He was happy with the situation as it was and was even pleasantly surprised at Jake's openness and honesty.

I didn't realise that the Cullen's lived so far out of town. We reached the long winding gravel drive which manoeuvred through some of the forest then opened up like a clearing. Their house was nestled in the middle of it.

The house was massive and the gardens were immaculately landscaped. It was absolutely breathtaking. I had to remember to shut my mouth which kept dropping open in awe. The house was an old Victorian adorned with white standard roses and lavender in the front of the porch. There had been additions and large windows installed yet the character of the house hadn't been tainted by the modifications.

We headed up the front porch and as Edward opened the door and keyed in the pin for the alarm, I turned and took a deep breath inhaling the sweet scents from the garden and the calming aroma from the surrounding forest. Charlie's house was like a miniature of this place, more like the Cullen's house took a dump and that produced Charlie's house – a tiny and petite version of what I was standing in the doorway of. It had three stories of grandiose proportions topped with a fourth floor with shingle tiles and triangle peaked windows at the front.

The foyer was as breathtaking as the outside. To my left was a huge kitchen which lead onto an informal dining area, to my right was a drawing room with antique furniture, I loved chaise lounges, and a grand piano. The next room along appeared to be a formal dining room and ahead of us was a formal living area with large windows and bi-fold doors that opened out to the backyard. Edward gestured toward the kitchen after we left our bags at the base of the large staircase which made a feature in the foyer.

The size of the kitchen was as large as Charlie's lounge, dining and kitchen rooms combined. Edward filled a coffee machine and switched it on then pulled a couple of large muffins from the pantry before warming them in the microwave. Edward took our coffees and muffins on a tray and headed back out into the foyer. I grabbed our bags and we headed up the stairs.

"We'll make use of the library while the house is quiet."

I nodded taking in my surroundings. We passed a large office that opened from the second landing. It had a wall covered with books, Edward motioned where the bathroom was on the first floor, third landing (I was taking mental notes so I didn't get lost – totally overwhelming). All the walls in between doorways and windows held photos or art. We continued along the hall that followed across the front of the house from the same landing. We entered the library and I gasped as I walked through the doorway. The shelves reached from floor to ceiling and were packed full of books. The only breaks between the shelves were large bay windows with window seats and one wall filled with family photos and portraits above an antique tabling holding a huge crystal vase with a bouquet of lilies and roses. I was bewildered by their perfection and found myself wandering over and drawing in the rich scents.

"Esme has a passion for gardening. There's always a vase like that in here, the dining rooms, lounges…"

"She's amazing! These are beautiful…" I trailed off.

Edward sat our afternoon tea on the long oak table that was surrounded by twelve high-backed carved chairs, all antique of course, before proceeding to a bookshelf between the bay windows. I walked over and looked out the windows.

"Wow…" Yeah, understatement! I felt a little nosey but was taken away by the view.

The lawn was perfectly attended to like a golfing green but rich in colour. There was a scattering of mature trees, large and inviting with the odd swing hanging off a branch, a carved heavy wooden bench swing hanging from the bough of a large willow. There was a small lake, too big to call a pond that had a bridge over one end leading to a furnished gazebo. There were themed gardens, the Japanese garden leading off the outdoor entertaining patio almost beckoned for someone to wander through it in bare feet absorbing its tranquillity.

"Is your mum a landscaper?"

Edward chuckled.

"No, Esme's more like a garden fairy with the twist of perfection in her art. It's her love and her escape from a hectic lifestyle. She spends hours at a time creating or weeding and it always ends up looking perfect." Edward smiled at my expression of amazement.

"Does she have help?"

"No, she enjoys it so much that she does it all by herself."

"Wow…"

Edward chuckled again. "Yeah."

"What does she do, other than garden?"

"She volunteers, charity work and all the social obligations that go along with Carlisle's work."

"She must be busy."

"Yeah, and she keeps us all in check."

"Mother of the year?" I smirked.

"And then some. Ah… here it is."

Edward pulled a large old leather-bound book from the shelf and set it on the table with a light thud.

"What's that?"

"The Complete Works of William Shakespeare." Edward smiled accomplished with his find.

"Cool!"

"It is, yeah." Edward gave his dazzling crooked smile and sat at the end of the table. I sat to the side of him.

"So… why this book?"

"Well, not only does it have everything of William Shakespeare's but it also has notes from Carlisle, his father, his grandfather and so on."

"That's awesome!" I felt a lack of expressive words, my brain needed a thesaurus.

Edward grinned at me as if he had heard my thoughts or mocking me… I couldn't tell.

"I thought it might help us along the way."

"You bet your ass it will!"

I was intrigued by the history of the book. It was like opening up the Bible to find generations of notes and different interpretations. Charlie had inherited the family Bible and I remembered spending hours looking at it. I was too young to understand, of course, but I was always awestruck by the magnitude of the family history it held. I imagined grandparents, great-grandparents and so on, sitting and writing in it.

"The handwriting gets harder to read at times but Jasper is good at translating a lot of it."

"Jasper?"

"Uh, yeah. Alice's boyfriend."

"Oh, ok."

"This here, this is Carlisle's writing." Edward pointed out the fine penmanship.

"For a doctor he's almost legible."

Edward laughed. "This here, in blue, is his grandfather's. And here… that's Carlisle's father's."

"So… your grandfather's?"

"Um… no."

"Oh… huh?"

"I'm adopted." Edward stated coolly.

"Oh… I… um…"

"It's cool." Edward shrugged.

"I had no idea."

"It's okay, Carlisle and Esme are great… parents." Edward's eyebrows creased at the word.

"So… sorry if I sound rude and feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up or whatever, but how old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"Oh! So, sort of recent then?"

"Kind of." Edward took a sip of his coffee. "I lived in foster homes before they adopted me."

"Oh… so… do they have their own children?"

"No. Esme couldn't have children so they adopted."

"So… how many… um…" I felt like I was pushing my luck on a difficult subject. I had to rein in my mouth.

"Children? Siblings?"

"Ah… yeah." I smiled warmly.

"Well, there's me, Alice and Emmett. Alice was adopted as a baby, Emmett a toddler."

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, he's almost off to college with Rosalie."

"Rosalie?"

"Oh, his girlfriend." Edward chuckled.

"So, a full house at times?"

"Yeah, it's good though. We all get along really well."

"That's cool." My inquisition finally coming to a halt.

"Yeah and we have an hour before the house is overrun with noise."

"Oh, ok."

I took a bite of my muffin and a sip of coffee before pulling out my notebooks.

"Yum! Don't tell me Esme finds the time to bake too!"

Edward laughed. "You're like a kid in a candy store!"

I laughed, yeah, I was.

"That would be Alice."

"Any other talents in the family?"

"A few here and there." Edward smiled.

I hummed as I took another bite of the muffin.

We spent the hour grazing over our books and the big book between us, taking notes as we went, before hearing the door open downstairs.

"Honey… I'm home!"

I laughed at the booming voice and then heard the thumping of someone bounding up the stairs.

"Get dressed, I'm coming in!"

"You wish Em!" Edward laughed.

I heard more footsteps in the foyer and on the stairs. A large guy walked in. I had seen him at school. He was muscular with a cheeky grin and gentle eyes. His hair cropped short and gelled. For some reason he reminded me of that big bear from "Open Season", except not as clumsy. He scooped up Edward's book and pretended to narrate with massive gestures.

"A rose by any other rose…"

"Shut up Em!" Edward laughed and snatched back his book.

Alice walked in and applauded.

"Bravo! Bravo! Hi Bella!"

I was in hysterics and wiping tears from my eyes.

"Hi Alice. How are you?"

"Great! And you? Did you talk to Jake?"

"Alice!" Edward hissed.

"Jake? Not Jake the…"

"Emmett!" Edward growled his name.

"Oh, sorry. I'll leave you to your studying." Alice said softly and started to walk out.

"Hold on! Are you talking about Jake? What or who did he…"

"EMMETT!" Edward stood up and slammed his fists on the table glaring at Emmett.

"Come on Em." Alice pulled at Emmett's hand.

For a petite person, Alice certainly had some strength in her as she pulled the large guy from the room.

Edward sat back down sighing and trying to calm himself with deep breaths.

"I should go." I didn't want to cause any hurt for Edward. I closed my books, piled them together then got up to leave.

"You don't have to." Edward grabbed my wrist.

"But I don't want to be the cause of any upset… in your own home."

"I can handle it."

"Edward, I… I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Emmett just says what's on his mind. He's an open book." Edward let go of me and ran his hand through his hair.

"But you're still hurting, aren't you? It can't be easy me being here."

Edward held the bridge of his nose then looked up at me apologetically.

"I'm fine, really. How about we have a break and then do another half hour or so."

"Um…" I deliberated for a moment. "Okay. Is there anywhere I can smoke?"

"Uh… yeah. Follow the hall by the bottom of the stairs and go out the back to the gazebo. There's a small pot by one of the pillars which is an ashtray."

"Thanks."

I grabbed my smokes and followed Edward's directions through the laundry avoiding the voices I could hear coming through from the kitchen. I didn't look back at the house and sat with my back towards it as I lit up. I gazed at the forest encircling the property. What the hell was I doing here? I was causing Edward and his family pain. I winced at the image of Emmett's torn expression. It was all too fresh and I was too close to a reminder of what Edward went through. Was it all too soon for me to even be involved with Jake?

"Hey, Bella. Are you okay?"

"Shit!" I didn't hear Alice approach.

"Sorry."

"No, I just… I didn't hear you. I was deep in thought." I wiped my eyes not realising I had been crying.

What was with Forks and crying? Just because it rained so much here it didn't mean my body had to synchronise with the fucking weather! I felt like a big wimp.

"Would you like me to go?" Alice almost whispered looking down at her fingers she was fidgeting.

"No, it's fine."

"I just wanted to check you were okay. Emmett can get easily wound up."

"Yeah, I just hadn't thought about my being here and the affect on your family."

"It's not you Bella! You shouldn't feel that way."

"But it's true Alice."

"Give Edward some credit. He's strong."

"I know, but he shouldn't have to be. He should feel safe in his own home."

"Believe me, he _is_ safe. And he's doing well."

"Alice! _Fuck!_ Now I just feel like shit! I take it he was a mess?"

"Yes, oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"What am I doing Alice? Why am I here?"

I couldn't help but fall apart. I buried my face in my hands.

"Bella… stop. Not like this, you have to work together for school."

"I… I'll talk to the teacher. I'll get Charlie to write a note or something."

"Think about that… how will Edward feel if you do that? It would be worse." Alice trailed off.

"Worse? _What?_" Now I was getting irritated and confused. I lit up another smoke.

"He was betrayed and rejected by the two people he cared about since moving here. He had only just started opening up to them and they hurt him so… badly. I don't expect you to understand and I know it puts you in an awful position, but please… don't walk away, not like this."

"You have no idea how much I understand betrayal and rejection." I looked straight into Alice's eyes as the tears streamed down my face.

My mind started racing. I was fuming… I was hurting Edward just with my presence and now I felt like… like… like I was being attacked. I wanted to bolt into the forest. I was torn at how that would make Edward feel. On top of that, I wanted to thump Alice. _Fuck! _I could feel the anger building up inside as my legs jittered irritably. My hands started trembling. I got up and started pacing and folded my arms with my hands balled in fists tucked under my armpits. It felt like I was holding my body together before it imploded into a deep black hole.

"Oh Bella! What have I said? You've been hurt _too?_" Alice squeaked.

I gave Alice a _"No shit!" _glare before I softened.

"Don't worry about me. What do I do? If I stay I hurt Edward and your family, if I go I betray and reject Edward… it's the theme of my fucking life!"

I slid down the nearest pillar ending in a seated ball at its base rocking back and forth.

"Oh Bella!" Alice came and sat next to me putting her arm around me.

"What do I do Alice?" I whispered, my voice cracking, pleading.

"I'm here Bella. Shhhh…" Alice cradled my head against her shoulder and held me as I cried.

It must have been a good five or ten minutes.

"What would you do?" I looked up at Alice, my eyes begging her for a solution.

"Me?" Alice was shocked.

"In my position… what do I need to do?"

"Well… me… I beg you to stay, for Edward. Play it out… it might work out. Don't worry about the rest of my family. Emmett may look big and scary but he's like a big stuffed panda." Alice smiled softly.

"What about Edward and Jake? I thought I'd get caught in the middle and I was told I wouldn't… but I am."

"Well… Edward is stronger than you think. Yes, he's been hurt but bailing on him will only revive his feelings of not being wanted and… he's talked to you the most I've seen or heard him relate to anyone in a while. I don't know why… but he acknowledges you and that's something. As for Jake, he knows what he's done, I don't doubt that for a second, but he's young with a father and a tribe to look after him."

"We're all young, too young for this shit." I mumbled.

"I agree. I'm lucky, I didn't know my parents, and all I know is Carlisle and Esme as my parents. I'm safe and happy so I'm here for you. I'll be your rock any time you need me. I'm… I'm your Switzerland." Alice smiled triumphantly.

"Switzerland? As in neutral?"

"Anytime."

I looked up at Alice and smiled. She was genuine and comforting. I was at ease with her and I felt that I could trust her.

"Alice, I was betrayed and rejected by my own mother and her husband. That's why I'm in Forks." I sighed.

"Well then, we'll make the most of it now that you're here." Alice perked up.

"Everything okay?"

We looked up as Edward approached and leaned against the pillar on the other side of the gazebo lighting a cigarette. I sat up and brushed my hair back from my face.

"Yeah, girl talk." Alice winked at me.

"Yeah… shall we get back into it?" I cleared my throat.

"We can call it a day if you'd like?" Edward spoke in monotone.

"I'm good, your call."

Edward deliberated a little… I watched his intense expression, worried about what he was thinking of. Maybe I was just over-analysing…

"Shall we finish the part we were on? It'll be fifteen minutes, half an hour max."

"Cool." Yeah, I need that thesaurus now.

I got up and wiped my eyes leaving Edward to finish his cigarette.

"We'll just be there in a minute Edward." Alice said as she walked past him.

"Yep."

"Alice?" I was confused as she led me back to the house.

"We'll just freshen you up." She smiled lightly.

Did I look that hideous?

We got up to Alice's room, neutral coloured walls but bright accessories reflecting her personality. I used her bathroom and rinsed my face. I looked in the mirror and felt hideous… I looked like hell. My eyes were red and my cheeks puffy. I opened the bathroom door and Alice walked in before I could walk out.

"Here." Alice dropped some eye drops in my eyes, dabbed a bit of soothing eye gel on my eyes and cheeks then spritzed my face.

"Mmmm… that smells…"

"Beautiful? I know! Rose water. Mum and I make it." Alice beamed.

I felt fresh and surprisingly better. Alice ran a brush through my hair and gave me a hug before we left her room.

"Thank you." I smiled sheepishly.

"Switzerland." Alice teetered back and forth on her toes triumphantly.

I giggled.

I walked into the library and Edward was taking notes. He looked up with that gorgeous crooked smile and even though his eyes looked apologetic my heart still skipped a beat.

"So where were we?" I tried to compose myself.

I sat down and took a sip of freshly brewed coffee that Edward had refilled. I finished my muffin as Edward brought me up to speed. He was like me. We concentrated on the task at hand even though there was a big white elephant in the room. We finished what we wanted to achieve after twenty minutes then planned our next study session.

Once we got downstairs Alice bounced out from the kitchen.

"Are you finished?"

"For the day." Edward smiled warmly. He showed great affection towards his adoptive sibling. I could only imagine what that would feel like being an only child.

"Do you want to hang with us before heading off?" Alice beamed.

"Um… I should go."

"It's okay, we don't bite!" Emmett called from the living room.

I giggled.

Alice looked at me imploringly and pouting out her bottom lip. They were making an effort for me under the circumstances, the least I could do was sit with them for half an hour or so especially if there were more impending study sessions.

"Okay." I sighed.

"YAY!" Alice jumped up and down clapping her hands.

She hooked her arm through mine and walked (well, she pranced or skipped) us into the living room. Edward followed us in.

Alice introduced me to everyone. Emmett, I knew already, was sitting in the corner of a sofa with his legs on the coffee table, Rosalie, an exquisite blonde with a figure like a model, curled at his side.

"And this is my Jasper." Alice said warmly as she plopped herself on the sofa beside a lean guy with almost curly blonde hair and affectionate eyes that gazed into hers.

Alice patted the empty seat next to her and I sat down.

"We're about to watching "Evan Almighty" if you'd like to join us." Jasper smiled welcoming me.

Edward sat in the armchair to the side of me and smiled in acknowledgement.

"Um… okay." I looked at my watch.

"Mum and Dad are out for the evening so we're getting pizza. Do you want to stay for dinner?" I looked at Alice and she fluttered her eyelashes. I couldn't help but giggle.

"You know you want to…" Emmett pouted, cheekiness radiating from him.

I scanned the room… Rosalie rolled her eyes and giggled after jabbing Emmett in the ribs with her elbow, Jasper sat quietly with a warm smile and then I looked to Edward. He was looking back with a blank expression I couldn't read.

"Um…"

"That's like three "ums" in as many seconds." He smirked.

"Fine! I'll stay!" I grabbed the cushion from behind me and threw it at Edward. We all roared with laughter.

"I'll just call Ch… Dad… and let him know."

I got up and walked into the foyer switching my phone on. As it came to life, there were seven text messages all from Jake.

"Hey. Missin u."

"Wot u doin?"

"Can't wait to c ur sexy smile"

"I want 2 kiss u"

"I need 2 kiss u"

"U finished study yet?"

"Txt me soon or I'll explode"

I giggled then phoned Charlie. He was ecstatic that I had made friends with the Cullens. He mentioned catching up with Billy, I sighed and asked him to pass on a message to Jake that I was with Alice and would catch up with him tomorrow. I didn't feel comfortable in the present company to hold a text marathon with Jake.

Alice was beaming as I returned and sat back next to her. She handed me a coke and put a bowl of popcorn between us. It must have been ten minutes before Emmett made a comment about mixtures of animals breeding on the ark and most of the popcorn ended up on him with Rosalie scowling with the popcorn landing in her hair. There were intermittent roars of laughter. As the movie went on, names started being called out for the new breeds…

"Monkapotamus!"

"Camelligator!"

"Armadurtle!"

When I called out "Evanephant!" everyone went quiet and looked at me before Emmett cried out.

"Holy OUCH!" He grabbed his backside causing a huge burst of laughter.

Edward threw the pillow back at me and we all ended up in a pillow fight with popcorn flying everywhere.

Pizza arrived and everyone started debating what the next movie would be. I felt a pang of guilt that I was enjoying myself with the Cullens when I should probably have been with Jake by now. I felt… torn.

I flipped out my phone and text Jake.

"Being held prisoner. Hanging with Alice. Hope you don't mind. Miss your sexy smile. xxx"

I looked up to see Alice smiling softly at me. Edward got up and left the room. FUCK! No matter what I did, I was going to be doing the wrong thing.

"I'll be back in a minute." I said quietly to Alice as I got up and followed Edward. She grabbed my hand and squeezed gently with a soft smile followed by a nod.

I headed out the back and lit a smoke pausing as I saw Edward sitting on a chair in the gazebo. I hesitated wondering if I should head over or not. The door closed behind me and Edward turned to see me standing like a statue. He nodded and waved me over to join him. I bit my lip and slowly wandered over making my way to the gazebo and leaning against a post opposite him.

"I… uh…" I stumbled thinking of what to say as my phone blurted out "The Only Exception". Great timing. I groaned and flipped open my phone to see a text from Jake. I ignored it and closed my phone shoving it straight in my pocket.

"Jake?" Edward asked softly.

"Ah… yeah. Sorry." I felt like crawling under a rock.

"You know you don't need to apologise, you've done nothing wrong." Edward turned on his chair to face me better. I was lost for words and just stared at the ground as I smoked.

"You like him, right?" Edward looked up at me through his eyelashes. He was stunning to look at there was no doubt about that. I felt a small blush creep across my cheeks and was grateful at the gentle breeze that stirred.

"Uh… yeah, I guess. It's still early days."

"Look, it's no problem. As long as he doesn't hurt you, it's okay. And as long as you're safe from Leah, well, that's even better." Edward's voice was quiet, almost an effort to push the words out.

"But… I can see you're hurting." I said as I sat at the table across from Edward.

"Yeah, but it's not as bad as it looks. We're just… concerned. Alice seems to have taken a real liking to you and we'd hate for her to get caught in the middle of all this too."

"Edward… I wouldn't…"

"Yeah, I know. But the risk is still there."

I nodded understanding his perspective. I knew I was taking a leap of faith with Jacob too and not to mention, Leah. I shuddered at the thought of what she was capable of.

"If you ever need us, any of us, any time, you just call. I see you've got a phone now." Edward smiled warmly and held out his hand as he pulled his phone out of his pocket with his other hand. He gestured for me to give him my phone.

"Hand it over."

I gave it to him reluctantly feeling like everyone had to have tabs on me. Edward quickly programmed in the numbers showing me how to use the blue-tooth function.

"It's not a bad phone." He smiled.

"Uh… thanks. I've never had one so I don't know much about it."

We sat and Edward transferred music and tones. The funny ones gave us a good giggle. We then went through our walkmans checking out each others play lists, well, he had an iPod and it was the latest one. It made mine look like a monster.

We laughed and smoked, talked about nothing in particular.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" Alice called from the house.

I looked up and realised we had been completely in our own world and it had gotten dark.

"We left you some pizza, there's a debate about having another movie or drinking games. Mum and Dad phoned to say they were catching up with some old friends they bumped into so they're checking into a hotel and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. I think we're drinking." Alice grinned.

I checked the time on my phone, almost eight o'clock. Charlie must be getting worried.

"Actually, I better head off. I have to drive and I'm not sure Charlie would be okay with me being late on a school night."

"There's no school." Edward looked up at me, I had obviously missed something.

"Huh?"

"There's a teacher training day." Edward smiled.

"Good to know… I would've looked like a prize ass turning up tomorrow to hang with teachers."

Edward and Alice laughed.

"Hey, why don't you stay?" Alice clapped her hands and jump up and down. I knew she'd win.

"Uh…" I contemplated thinking of Charlie.

"You can sleep in the guest room. I can lend you some PJs and all that. Please? _Pleeeeeeeease?_" Alice was holding my hands begging.

I bit my bottom lip and glance at Edward who acknowledged it was okay with that sideways smile.

"Well, if Charlie says it's okay…"

"YAY!" Alice bounced around.

I rolled my eyes and giggled.

I walked out of the gazebo and wandered around the gardens as I phoned Charlie's cell phone. He had no idea about the teacher training day either but I heard Billy confirm it in the background and Jake cursing. Apparently it was just the schools in Forks and didn't include the school at the reservation.

Charlie was fine with me staying and gave me the typical "and don't get into trouble" statement I had grown accustomed to hearing and ignoring all my life. Jake wanted to talk so I said my goodnight to Charlie and wandered further away from earshot of Edward and Alice. It took a bit of time before Jake spoke. I assumed he was getting out of Charlie's and Billy's earshot too.

"Hey gorgeous."

"Hey yourself good-looking." I grinned as I flirted through the phone.

"How would you know? I might have got ugly since last night and you wouldn't know it." Jake said smarmily.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I…"

"Hey, it's cool. I trust you and I'm guessing you and Alice are getting on like chicks do."

"Yeah, we are."

"Alice is great. She's the nicest girl I know… or knew. Anyways… how was study? Did everything… um… did he… uh… ugh!"

"It's okay Jake, everything's fine. We talked and it's all good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing really, there wasn't a lot to say."

"Bella, please. I'm not stupid."

"No Jake, trust me, we're good. All the cards have been laid out on the table, nothing to worry about, honestly."

"Unless he has a joker up his sleeve?"

"Huh? Who… what?"

"You know, Edward. You're on his turf. What if he uses you to get back at me?"

"Jake…"

"No Bella, I don't like it."

"Trust me, nothing will happen."

"I trust you… I'm just not so sure about him."

"Jake!"

"Really Bella, I just… don't."

"Jake, I'm here with Alice. The studying is over, I'm with Alice now. If I can't have friends…" What the hell? I was on Edward's defence.

"I'm not saying that."

"Then don't say any more Jake."

"Bella…"

"No Jake. I'm going to spend the night with my new friend and we'll do something tomorrow evening unless you decide otherwise."

"Of course I won't decide otherwise. I just… I wanted to see you tonight." Jake sulked.

"I know and that's my fault, not theirs. I stayed for dinner and a movie, and then it got late and so on." By the time I said dinner, my stomach rumbled having still not eaten.

"Okay… I… how about dinner and a movie with me tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Yes?" Jake's voice jumped an octave.

"Yes, Jake. I won't miss it."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Tomorrow then?"

I giggled.

"Seriously Jake, I'll be there with fucking bells on or whatever. I. Will. Be. There."

"And only bells?" Jake flirted brazenly.

I giggled again. "You wish."

"Yeah, I do."

We laughed.

"I better go, Alice is waiting."

"Okay. I'll dream of you."

"I'll dream of you too."

"Not like I'll be dreaming…"

"I bet." I held onto the giggle forcing its way out.

"Tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow."

"Have a good night."

"You too." I hung up the phone and shook my head looking at my phone as I lit another smoke.

I turned to see Alice and Edward chatting away and headed back towards them. Alice stopped mid-sentence with an expectant look awaiting my answer.

"It's fine." I smiled.

"Are you sure? Did you have other plans?" Alice looked concerned. I can't have been further enough away.

"Nothing to worry about, it's all sorted." I felt drained after talking to Jake but tried to come across excited for Alice's sake.

"You look like you could do with a wine." Alice giggled.

"You betcha!" And my stomach growled again. "And some of that pizza."

The three of us laughed. Thank the heavens the tension had gone.

"You're on." Edward smiled stubbing out his smoke and getting up from the table.

"I hope you can handle your liquor." Edward smirked. "It might be a long night."

"I'm pretty sure I can." I smiled mischievously.

"Oh really?" Edward challenged.

"Yes, really." I challenged him back.

"So, it's all on then." Alice giggled excitedly.

I laughed as I stubbed out my smoke and we headed into the house. "Indeed it is Alice."

FF_2184952_ 16


	8. Chapter 7

**a/n: **Fun chapter, just for the hell of it, to break some of the tediousness of my boring story and cos my 30th is in a week so I thought "what the hell" Enjoy!

* * *

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 7**

Edward and I sat down with our pizza as Alice and Rosalie sifted through the computer hooked up to the stereo system making a play list. Emmett went to fetch his and Edward's supply of alcohol, Jasper came from the kitchen with a bottle of wine, glasses and shot glasses. He poured the each of us girls a Sauvignon Blanc each and set up a deck of cards with the shot glasses on the coffee table.

Rosalie picked up hers and Alice's wines and they finished the play list as Emmett came in grinning from ear to ear with a bundle of six different spirits in his arms. I laughed at the sight of him, finished the last bite of my pizza and put my plate down to help him.

"Cheers Shirley Temple." Emmett chuckled.

"Shirley Temple? Really?" I giggled as I helped Emmett with the bottles.

"Well, "virgin cocktail" doesn't have the same ring to it." Emmett grinned childishly.

"Oh, you have no idea what you're in for." I laughed.

"Wicked!" Emmett rubbed his hands together like a mad scientist plotting an evil scheme.

I downed the last half of my wine and knelt at the table beside Alice.

"What are we playing?"

I looked up to see Jasper staring, Alice and Rosalie looking between each other and at their glasses which they had only taken a sip or two from, Edward chuckled and smiled at Emmett who went from his mouth gaping open to beaming in his huge infectious grin.

"What?" I asked wondering if I had pizza on my face or said something wrong.

"Well, I think we've cleared that up!" Edward laughed.

"Huh?" Okay, I was totally missing something.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a fish!" Emmett announced proudly like some sort of circus ringleader.

I remained puzzled while Edward grabbed his sides and roared with laughter falling backwards from the cushion he was perched on next to me. Alice and Rosalie giggled and I looked toward Jasper who had started to laugh too shaking his head.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?" I felt like the victim of a cruel practical joke.

"A fish…" Edward sat up using the coffee table to help himself as he still laughed "…drinks like a fish…" He chuckled again.

I felt a blush creep across my cheeks.

"So, I've gone from Shirley Temple to a fish in the space of a couple of minutes… nice." I finally felt a smile creep across my lips.

"Well, you're obviously no virgin cocktail." Emmett chuckled.

"That I am not." I laughed lightly.

Alice and Rosalie sipped their wines and we set to writing down the list to play Four Kings. I had played it before and knew there were so many different rules you could have so it was great to have an easier, lighter set of rules considering it had been a while since I had a decent session of hard drinking.

"Another wine?" Jasper asked me as he shuffled the cards.

"Or name your poison." Emmett interjected.

"I'll just have whatever you guys are having."

"Um… what are we having?" Emmett asked Edward.

"The usual." Edward replied.

"Same." Said Jasper nonchalantly.

"Girls?" Emmett asked, Alice and Rosalie nodded and lifted their glasses of wine.

Emmett handed Midori to Rosalie who filled hers and Alice's shot glasses and set the bottle between them on the table.

"So, Bella? We have one set rule, spirits and mixers only in the centre vessel and no curdling. Rosalie and Alice generally start with wine, fill the vessel from their shots and progress to spirits, Jasper here is a bourbon man as am I, Edward, well, he has what's his and you, what would you like?" Emmett's grin was infectious again.

I giggled before answering.

"Have you got vodka?" Uh oh.

The table went quiet again, Jasper stopped shuffling and everyone looked at Edward.

"It's cool, I'll share."

I obviously missed something. Maybe Edward was passionate and possessive about his vodka like I was when I had a bottle.

"Oh, I can drink something else…"

"Nah, it's cool." Edward took his bottle and filled our shot glasses, smiled his gentle crooked smile then tucked the bottle next to him on his other side away from me. Yep, must be the same about his vodka. Emmett filled his and Jaspers shot glasses and set the bottle between them.

"Would you like juice or something?" Edward asked quietly.

"Ah… not yet, but thanks." I smiled apologetically.

It was the first time I ever felt guilty about my heavy or hard drinking habits. Maybe I should add a mixer.

"Nothing to feel like that about." Emmett spoke up with an understanding tone as if he could read my mind.

He smiled and clapped his hands as Jasper finished shuffling and placed the cards in the centre of the table.

"Let's begin." Emmett announced enthusiastically.

"Uh… no vessel." Alice stated.

"Oh!" Emmett laughed.

I placed my empty wine glass in the centre of the table.

"Is that okay? I don't have cooties… well, that I'm aware of."

"Wow, we've upgraded!" Edward chuckled.

"Huh?" Again, I had missed something. I was beginning to feel like the third wheel… or sixth to be precise.

"We started off with paper or plastic, then progressed to plain drinking glasses to shot glasses and a plain glass in the centre." Rosalie stated condescendingly.

"Oh." Yeah, she was intimidating with her looks.

Rosalie picked up from the deck first and looked at the list, rolled her eyes then got up and played air guitar to the music playing on the stereo. Everyone giggled. Maybe her intimidation was just a façade. She suddenly appeared to be on par with everyone else. Alice picked up her card and started singing to the music. I picked up a card, looked at the list and grinned tucking my card under my hand on the table whilst everyone waited to see if I'd do anything. I just smiled in acknowledgement that I would not be using my card at this point and looked at Edward. He gave his gorgeous crooked smile in return then picked up his card.

"Score!"

Edward flashed his "toilet card" while everyone groaned and because it was an even card, Alice stopped singing. Rosalie sighed and kept playing air guitar. Emmett picked up his card and pointed his elbow at Edward flicking his ace on the table.

"Drink up buddy." He grinned and Edward pointed his elbow at Emmett for saying "drink" and they both downed their shots.

"First cherry popped for the night!" Emmett laughed.

Rosalie sat as it was an odd numbered card, Jasper picked up a card and slid it under his hand and nodded to Rosalie to go next. Rosalie picked up a ten and laid it on the table smiling at Jasper so he drank, Alice hid her card, and I hid my next one too. Edward chuckled at his card and played air guitar to "Sweet Home Alabama" that was now playing, Emmett hid his card, Jasper flicked over a three, Edward sat and everyone drank. Shot glasses were refilled again while Emmett eyed me cautiously.

"What?"

"Hrm…"

"_What?_"

"You are a fish aren't you? You didn't flinch." Emmett grinned.

I fought back the embarrassing blush threatening my cheeks again then I winked at Emmett grinning mulishly.

"This _is_ going to be good. You guys now have a new challenger." Jasper pointed from Emmett to Edward.

Alice giggled and aimed her elbow at Jasper for pointing. He made an "O" shape with his mouth as he realised his gesture. Jasper raised his glass as if he were making a toast and then downed his shot smacking his lips together afterwards.

"We'll see." Edward nudged me. Oh, that crooked smile.

Rosalie flicked over a nine and pointed at Emmett with her elbow to drink, Emmett flicked over his hidden card and smiled at Rosalie, said nothing and they both drank. Alice looked at her card, smiled and tipped her shot into the vessel. Everyone cheered. I picked up my card and hid it.

"Stink! She's getting the good cards!" Emmett chuckled and leaned across the table pointing at me accusingly.

I grinned back defiantly, glaring up underneath my eyebrows before aiming my eyebrow in Emmett's direction. Emmett made a mocking shocked expression before he took a shot of his bourbon then poked his tongue at me before sitting back down.

Edward picked up his card, looked at me and muttered.

"Punishment then…" He cocked an eyebrow and smiled flicking over a two so I smiled and flicked over my six.

"Fine." I pointed my elbow at Edward before we giggled and downed our shots.

Alice clapped. "Well played! She's great!" And laughed.

"I've seen better." Emmett chuckled impishly.

"Really?" Asked Jasper, his toned egging Emmett on.

"Yeah, I'll drink her under the table, you watch!" Emmett winked and grinned at me.

I pointed my elbow at Emmett. "Consume." To which he did rolling his eyes.

"Cool… so…" Jasper smirked drawing back Emmett's attention with his silence.

"Ah… yeah?" Emmett looked puzzled.

Jasper flicked his two which landed in front of Emmett. Everyone laughed and Emmett drank.

"What goes around comes around." Emmett playfully warned Jasper as he refilled his glass.

"It does…" I smirked at Emmett and flicked him my nine. He gaped pretending to be mortified, chuckled and drank.

"So, where are we at?" Emmett huffed.

"You're getting toasted and it's your turn, hun." Rosalie batted her eyelashes at Emmett.

"Oh shit!" Emmett flicked over a queen to which everyone laughed.

"What's your favourite snack?" Jasper asked Emmett.

"Diddily-dee… potato chips." Emmett tried to answer in the worst Irish accent.

We all roared with laughter.

"Where'd you last jerk off?" Edward laughed.

"Diddily-dickee… in yer bed." Emmett chuckled.

Everyone roared with laughter again.

"What's the first line of your favourite nursery rhyme?" I asked.

By that stage, everyone was splitting their sides with laughter before Emmett could even attempt to answer.

Edward applauded and Jasper hi-fived him across the table. Alice shushed everyone and we waited for Emmett with odd giggle escaping.

Emmett cleared his throat. "Tweenkle tweenkle liddle starrr… diddily-dee!"

We were all in hysterics unable to contain ourselves. Alice sprayed her wine everywhere after trying to sip it, Jasper and I wore the most if it. Edward flicked over his toilet card and bolted causing everyone to roar louder.

When Edward returned and everyone had settled, Emmett patted him on the back.

"You good?" he asked.

"Yep, all good. No accidents." Edward smiled proud of himself causing everyone to laugh.

We waited as Emmett took his turning flicking an ace at me to drink. Edward snorted out a laugh so I flicked him my ace and he palmed his forehead then we knocked back our shots.

Jasper smiled proudly as he turned over a toilet card, Rosalie hid her card, Alice picked up hers, kissed Rosalie on the cheek then got up and kissed everyone's cheeks leaving Jasper for last and kissing him briefly but passionately. I triumphantly displayed my toilet card.

"Would you like a frame for that?" Giggled Alice.

"Why, yes… as a matter of fact I would." I giggled back at her.

Edward turned over his card, rolled his eyes and got up running around kissing everyone on the cheek. Alice said "thank you", Emmett pouted at the lack of affection and Rosalie muttered "homo" and we were all giggling again.

Emmett flicked over his four and started singing along with Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out" and doing the actions like the video clip causing everyone to laugh hysterically again. Jasper turned over a king and we all cheered as he poured a shot glass of bourbon into the wine glass.

Rosalie sighed and let everyone see she had a queen. Her three questions were asked and she spoke in a beautiful English accent. Alice grinned and tucked away her card as did I. Edward flicked his ace at Emmett for him to drink, Emmett's card had Jasper drinking a shot, Jasper pointed his elbow at Edward and flicked over his nine and Rosalie made an evil grin as she flicked over her card and poured a shot of Midori in the vessel.

"Eww! Now it's more of a girls drink!" Emmett screwed up his face and then rolled his eyes as Rosalie gracefully gestured with her elbow at him for saying the word "drink".

"You keep complaining and I'll give you something to really complain about." Rosalie fluttered her eyelashes at Emmett.

Emmett gave her his juvenile grin before Rosalie flicked her seven at Emmett and dared him to pour a shot of bourbon in the vessel. He happily obliged.

"Actually, that must have been our third king." Alice thought aloud. "In that case, you…" she pointed her elbow to Edward. "I dare you to make a batch of brownies." She flicked her seven at Edward and he grinned devilishly.

"I'll take that dare as long as it's okay after the game." Everyone was satisfied with Edward's condition, of course.

"And you…" Alice pointed her elbow at me. "I dare you to let me give you a makeover where and when I say." She smiled excitedly.

"Um… could I drink the vessel instead?" I pleaded.

Alice pouted and everyone laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, whatever."

Alice clapped and bounced up and down. "You won't regret it."

"You're gonna get all pwetty and look like a girl." Emmett egged on.

"That's fine, I'm okay with that." I flicked over my seven and looked at Emmett. "But are you okay with this… I dare you to have your legs waxed after the game." I grinned wickedly.

Emmett looked at Rosalie and then Alice who were both beaming, he looked at Jasper who held up his hands motioning that he was keeping well clear of the situation then Emmett turned to Edward who had started clucking like a chicken.

"I'm not chicken shit!" Emmett protested.

"Man or mouse?" Edward egged on.

"Fine! Man!"

Everyone howled with laughter. We worked out it was Alice's turn, she ran around and kissed everyone's cheeks again but not Jasper of course, he got his special attention. Then I flicked over the final king.

"Crap." I murmured.

Everyone cheered and Emmett called out "Pinkie out and bottoms up!"

I picked up the vessel and smirked at Emmett. "You're just lucky it's your legs getting waxed."

Everyone laughed as I sculled the drink.

"Mmmmm… melon." I got applauded then Alice and Rosalie raced off to get the wax despite Emmett's protests.

Jasper headed to the kitchen and came buck with a tumbler for Emmett pouring him four fingers of whisky encouraging him to get "numb".

Edward stood up and stretched, grabbed his vodka and wiggled his smokes at me to which I nodded. We headed out the back to the gazebo deliberating Emmett's fate. We decided in fairness to Emmett that he needed a brownie first. Edward confessed he already had a batch stashed in his room so we were set. Edward put the ash tray on the table. We sat and lit our cigarettes.

"Poor Emmett. I feel bad now." I shook my head and took a deep drag on my smoke thinking about what I had unleashed on him.

"He just has to survive his legs getting waxed. You wait until Alice gives you a make over." Edward chuckled.

"Shit." I mumbled. I realised I'd quite likely gotten myself into something I've never done before. The most time I ever spent on my body was shaving my armpits and legs every few days.

Edward laughed and handed me the vodka as consolation. I was quite appreciative at his courtesy of parting with his beloved drink. I took a few swallows.

"You know… I've never seen a girl handle her drink like you do." The crooked smile made my heart skip a beat.

"Um…"

"We're back to "ums" now?" Edward chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess we are." I giggled and took another swig from the bottle before handing it back to Edward.

I lit another smoke.

"I take it things haven't been easy on you either." Edward's voice dejected.

"Mmmm… yeah."

It was silent for a while.

"You know I'm here if you want to talk." Edward put his arm around my shoulder and rubbed it gently. I nodded, a stray tear betrayed me and I quickly wiped it away.

"Are you okay?" Edward put down the bottle and lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

I felt torn. My heart was pounding erratically taking in the sight of this gorgeous being. I heard mine and Jake's earlier conversation play in my head about trust. I hurt at how betrayal seemed to be the theme for the week, discovering it, trying to run from it… not be the cause of it.

I looked away as more tears started to flow. Edward dropped his hand.

"I'm sorry, I… are you… what can I do Bella?" Edward was genuinely concerned.

"Just being here, being my friend, despite… you know… me and Jake. I had nothing, no one in Phoenix. Here… there's Charlie and friends, people who listen and understand."

"And… Jake…" Edward muttered.

"Yeah."

"And he understands?"

I looked at Edward. He was fiddling with his Zippo lighter and lit another smoke.

"Surprisingly enough, I think he gets it." I murmured.

"You don't sound entirely convinced."

"I'm not sure that I am but like I said, early days. I've never committed myself to… I mean… been in a… ugh, fuck!" I shook my head and lit another smoke. Why couldn't I say the word?

"Relationship?" Edward asked as he slid the vodka to me.

I took a few gulps and a huge drag on my smoke exhaling slowly, contemplating.

"I guess that's what it's called but it's only been a few days. My first week here and I'm already in a shitty fucking mess." I planted my chin on my hands with my elbows on the table and stared at the lake.

"Like I said, we're all here. Just remember that, any time. You have my number, there's Alice, any one of us. You call here and even Carlisle and Esme will be there for you. They're good like that."

"They've really helped you haven't they?" I turned and faced Edward keeping my head resting in one hand.

"Yeah, they have. Still are. I don't know what would have happened if they weren't the ones to take me in." Edward closed his eyes as his sentence trailed off.

I rubbed Edward's shoulder as he did for me. He took a swig of the vodka and then stubbed out his smoke.

"So… shall we liven up and get back to the fun and games?" Edward perked up encouragingly. He stood up from the table.

I finished my smoke and stubbed it out also.

"I'm game if you are." I smiled nervously and got up from the table.

"It'll be fine, Bella. Just relax and have fun. You can trust us, all of us. You'd be surprised at how close we are even Jasper and Rosalie."

I nodded feeling another tear trail down my cheek. Before I could wipe it away, Edward already had his hand cupped around my cheek wiping the tear with his thumb. I put my hand on his and leant into it a little enjoying the tenderness and care but not for too long to feel that I would be leading him on. I brought Edward's hand down with mine.

Edward pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear.

"Everything will work out, you just hold in there."

I felt a shiver run down my spine from his warm breath on my neck. I held Edward tight for a minute or two before pulling away to wipe my tears. Edward kept one arm on my shoulder and leant across grabbing the vodka. I closed my eyes and absorbed his closeness. He took a swig then handed me the bottle as we headed towards the house. I took a few swigs and he kept his arm around my shoulders leading me into the house.

We heard a commotion from the lounge when we walked in the door and looked at each other. We picked up the pace and entered the room to see Emmett bouncing around the furniture as Alice and Rosalie were cornering him. There was a sheet laid out on the floor in lieu of the coffee table with the wax set up.

"Dude! They're like bloody vulchers!" Emmett yelled towards Edward mocking the situation he was in.

"How about a brownie before succumbing to their evil ways?" Edward laughed.

"We're not waiting for you to make them, Edward." Rosalie warned with her hands on her hips and narrowed eyes.

"Wait a couple of minutes…" Edward turned on his heel and raced out of the room.

"I blame you!" Emmett laughed and pointed at me.

"You did agree." Jasper pointed out from his comfortable position on the sofa, a drink in his hand.

"You're not helping!" Emmett just dodged Rosalie reaching out to grab him. Jasper chuckled.

"_Legend!_" Emmett perked up. I giggled as Edward entered the room with a cake tin.

"Now, you can have one when you're sitting ready for the girls and co-operating with them." Edward mocked holding up a brownie as if he were bribing a toddler.

Emmett leapt over the sofa he'd been using as a barrier between him, Alice and Rosalie. He lay quickly sprawled out on the sheet holding up his hands grasping the air playing into the toddler act.

"Gimme! Gimme!" Emmett beckoned.

"Okay…" Edward went to hand the brownie to Emmett then pulled it away. "What do you say?" He ridiculed.

"There better be some good shit in those!" Emmett scowled.

"It's me, of course it's good!" Edward pretended to be offended. "Now… what's the magic word?"

"_Pweeeeeeeeease!_" Emmett pouted.

We all chuckled and Edward dropped the brownie in Emmett's hand. Emmett took a huge bite and hummed with satisfaction as Alice and Rosalie rolled up his pants before applying the wax. The rest of the brownies were shared around those who wanted one, of course I was no stranger to brownies. Alice and Rosalie declined the offer.

Edward and I sat on the sofa next to each other eating brownies and drinking vodka as we relaxed watching Emmett get waxed. By the time Alice and Rosalie had waxed the front of each leg, Emmett's roars of pain had subsided into giggles and everyone was joining in with the laughter as the brownies took effect.

Alice and Rosalie were finished in record time praising their work as Edward, Jasper and I began splitting our sides with laughter as Emmett strutted around showing off his legs. Alice and Rosalie applauded.

We all chilled out for a bit munching on chips and popcorn. Emmett was adamant that someone had stolen his bottle of rum even though we'd tried to convince him several times that he had been drinking bourbon. Jasper started spouting off random quotes from philosophers causing everyone to think they were involved in deep conversations even though none of it probably made sense. Alice curled up and fell asleep next to Jasper; Rosalie sat under Emmett's legs rubbing oil into them as he lay across the couch and hummed to the music.

Emmett and Rosalie headed off to bed leaving Jasper, Edward and me in our philosophical conversation and at some point all was quiet and I was listening to music I hadn't heard before with my eyes shut soaking it in.

**

* * *

****a/n:** Yeah, another one… In my time flatting, we had lots of rules. This is the list my twin sister and I have put together for our 30th…

You can find more on wikipedia - search Kings or drinking/card games

**4 Kings**

Also known as

Kings, King's CupRing of Fire, Circle of Death, Rhombus of Nosferatu

Sociables, The King's Game

***A** You – The player who drew the card assigns someone to drink

**2** Viking Master

The player who drew the "2" becomes the "Viking Master." Whenever the "Viking Master" chooses, he/she may place his fists with pointer fingers extended skyward on either side of his head suggesting a Viking cap. All players must begin to pantomime rowing. The Viking Master may initiate the rowing at any time. Next person to draw a "2" assumes the role of "Viking Master."

**3** Social - Everyone drinks

**4** Sing until an even card gets turned over

**5** Play Air Guitar until an odd card gets turned over

***6** Person who assigns anyone to drink can be made to drink

***7** Noses

When someone a 7, they keep the card and the game continues. At any point during the game the holder of the card might put their finger on the nose (the idea being to do it so that no-one notices) the last person to then notice and put their finger on their nose has to drink.

**8** Toilet card

***9** Thumb Master

The player that picks the card puts their thumb on the table. Then everyone else puts their thumbs on the table. The last person to put their thumb on the table drinks.

**10** Never Have I Ever

Everyone holds up 5 fingers. The person who picked the card starts off and will say something that they have never done in their lives.

e.g. (Never Have I wrecked my car).

If anyone playing has wrecked their car, they put down 1 finger and have a drink. Then the next person will say something they have never done. This continues until one person or more has put down all of their fingers.

**J** Rule - The player who drew the jack must make a rule for the game.

It is considered unsporting to make rules which affect a particular person or group of people, rather than target everyone. (Compare "John cannot speak English" vs "The next one to draw a club cannot speak English").

**Q** Speak in an accent for 3 questions

**K** Vessel

*Cards that can be hidden and played anytime throughout the game

**Rules (person to break rule must drink):**

No pointing

No first names

No swearing

Can't say "drink", "drunk" or "drank"

**Unconditional Rule**

Spirits and mixers only

No curdling


	9. Chapter 8

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 8**

It was quiet and warm. I woke up groggy, confused as to my whereabouts. I took in my surroundings, firstly the bed. It was massive! I was in a four-post with swathes of white, sheer fabric draped across it making a canopy and trailing to the floor by each post. The room was a pale ivory colour with neutral tones in the linen and accessories. The warm sun was filtering through what looked like silk drapes. I wasn't really sure having never seen silk in real life before. The drapes were the full length of the top of the ceiling and swathing on the floor. A large vase of flowers sat on the dresser with more lilies and roses like the one in the library.

I was surprised at the homely feel of the room even though it felt like I was in a luxury suite in a hotel like you see in the movies. I wasn't sure if I should move in case I dirtied or creased something. There were more than enough pillows and a comforter at the foot of the bed. Bliss… I felt like a princess. Then I felt stupid for feeling like a princess. What a soft-ass I was turning into! I drifted back towards the sunlight filtering in… sunlight. The sun shining... in Forks? Bet the beach at La Push would be superb.

I let my mind wander at the thought of lazing on the beach, kicking pebbles, walking with Jake. Oh hell! Jake! What time was it?

I bolted upright and pulled back the covers to reveal myself dressed in a set of pink satin long pyjama pants with a matching camisole that had shoestring shoulder straps and a pathetic little pink bow in the centre of the v-cut between my breasts. What the fuck was this prissy shit? Alice…

I got up and started searching for my clothes but came up empty. All I could find was a hoodie on the seat at the end of the bed. I shrugged and hoped the owner wouldn't mind. I contemplated finding Alice's room and my clothes but didn't feel I could intrude on her and Jasper. Maybe they were awake…

I bit my bottom lip and hesitantly opened the bedroom door hearing nothing but an eerie silence. Great. Then the smell hit me. I could smell the faint scent of bacon wafting up the stairs. At least someone was up, or was Carlisle and Esme home already? Ugh!

My head throbbed a little with the briefest amount of concentration, I needed coffee. I sighed and quietly ventured downstairs from the top story of the house. How the hell did I make it up all these stairs? I made sure not to make a sound past all the closed doors.

As I contemplated making a return to the bedroom to hide out a while longer until Alice or somebody checked on me, I heard a soft giggle from the lounge and a couple of muffled voices. Alice? Rosalie? Jasper? I felt myself move forward although I had made no conscious decision and peered through the kitchen.

"Good afternoon sleepyhead!" Alice chirped. She was curled up next to Jasper in a similar set of pyjamas to what I was wearing only in a soft silver blue.

"Uh… afternoon?"

"Yeah, just. It's a little after noon. How's your head?" Alice eyed me wearily with a smirk.

"Good." I nodded and smiled.

"I think she's broken." Rosalie murmured without looking away from the television.

"Are you okay Bella? Hung-over?" Alice giggled.

"Nah, I'm good. Had worse. I wouldn't mind a cup of coffee though if that's ok?"

"Yeah, sure." Alice bounced up from the sofa and patted Jasper on the leg. He smiled lightly and a little pained. His head was cradled on one arm leaning back against some cushions. He was dressed in plaid flannel pyjama pants and a grey t-shirt. Rosalie, of course, looked stunning in a red satin kimono, her hair waving over her shoulders looking freshly groomed. I was glad I wasn't the only one wearing PJs although I still didn't know how I ended up in them.

"I can do it. You just relax and I'll… uh…" I turned to face the enormous kitchen and didn't know where to start.

Alice giggled behind me.

"There's bacon and pancakes keeping warm in the oven. Coffee mugs…. Plates…" Alice opened up cupboards and pulled out a mug filling it with freshly brewed coffee.

"Coffee's fine thanks." I smiled warmly at Alice.

"Feeling a little off?" A booming voice startled me. I turned to face Emmett. "Morning Pickle!" He grinned.

"Uh… afternoon." I grinned. His mood was infectious.

"Yeah, that…oh! Pancakes!" Emmett grabbed a plate and stated piling them on and pouring syrup over top.

His short, almost shaved hair slightly tousled and fluffy instead of gelled, also in his PJs. Pac man flannel pants and shirt. I giggled. Emmett looked down at himself and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Save some for everyone!" Alice chimed.

"Yeah yeah." Emmett rolled his eyes and then met my confused expression. "What?"

"Pickle?"

"Yeah, I guessed after last night something ended up pickled… or someone." He chuckled and nudged me.

"Well, that beats being called a fish!" I laughed.

"I like your spirit!" Emmett beamed and headed for the lounge mussing up Jasper's hair on the way to Rosalie. Jasper grunted and Emmett settled next to Rosalie kissing her on the cheek. "Morning babe."

"Are you sure you just want coffee? There's cereal, toast…" Alice started.

"Coffees good, I'm fine, really." I smiled warmly at Alice, a gracious hostess. "Oh, um… where's my things? And how did I…"

"Oh!" Alice giggled. "You fell asleep down here, Edward carried you upstairs then I changed you before we returned to haul Jasper to bed. I hope you don't mind. I thought you'd be more comfortable than sleeping in your jeans."

"Um… thanks." I blushed a little.

"Anytime. No need to be embarrassed, we're both girls. Actually, we managed you better than Jasper." Alice giggled again. "He was a handful. He had Edward and me in hysterics, it's a wonder he didn't wake the whole house!"

Jasper groaned from the lounge.

"Uh… you and Edward?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Hmmm? Oh! No, he just carried you up and lay you on the bed. The full gentleman." Alice beamed fondly of her adoptive brother. "You're clothes are in the drier already, I figured you'd want fresh clothes."

"Oh, cool. Thanks again." I smiled apologetically.

I would have been fine throwing on my already worn clothes. It wouldn't be the first time after my walks of shame some mornings back in Phoenix.

"Anytime! And I hope we can do the same again soon! We all loved having you here." Alice rubbed my arm affectionately.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett called from the lounge.

I giggled. Jasper stifled out a quiet "Shhh!"

Alice rolled her eyes. I figured I had nothing to do but hang out with my new friends until my clothes were ready. I followed Alice back into the lounge and slumped into the empty chair.

"How's the legs?" I smiled at Emmett.

"They're so smooth and sexy!" Emmett crooned and ran his hand up his leg revealing his freshly waxed skin.

Rosalie scoffed and pushed Emmett's pant leg back down. Emmett chuckled and stuffed a lump of pancake in his mouth.

The remnants from last night were already cleaned away, I wondered if Carlisle and Esme knew what their adoptive children and their subsequent partners got up to whilst they were out. Everyone was quiet and watching a music channel.

I must have dosed off when I was startled by Emmett.

"He's alive!" Emmett chuckled.

I looked up to see Edward shuffle in, yawning and running his hands through his messy hair. That hair… I felt the urge of wanting to run my hands through it. I was taking him in, black t-shirt hugging his body, his boxers showing over the top of faded, worn, blue jeans, the small trail of hair from his belly-button, down…

"Hey fish!"

I jumped spilling cold coffee on me that I had forgotten I was holding.

"Ah… fuck!"

I heard everyone laugh. I rolled my eyes and blushed hoping I hadn't been caught perving.

"It's pickle now." Emmett grinned.

"Great." I mumbled as I looked down at the Kings of Leon hoodie I was wearing. I had forgotten about asking Alice if it was okay that I had borrowed it.

"It's had worse." Edward smiled a crooked smile.

"Oh… sorry. I… uh…"

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad someone found it, I couldn't remember where I put it." Edward waved off casually. "Want a fresh one?"

I must have looked confused.

"Coffee?" Edward chuckled.

"Oh… yes please." I thought I had better wake up a little before heading off. "Hell! What time is it?"

"Almost three." Alice smiled.

"Ugh… I better get going."

Edward brought in my coffee as I sat up and stretched.

"Thanks." I smiled awkwardly and sipped my coffee.

"You could stay another night." Alice bounced up on the edge of her seat. Jasper stirred having fallen asleep but didn't wake.

"Um… I have plans." I managed a gentle smile.

"Not with that…" Emmett started but was interrupted with a cold, hard glare from Edward.

Stunned, I put my coffee down. "I better go."

"Emmett, you jerk!" Alice hissed.

"What?" He asked defensively.

I got up and looked apologetically at Edward; he was leaning against the wall fuming into his coffee as if he could make it boil over with his eyes. I thought it best to keep my mouth shut and struggled not to reach out and console him as I walked past. I got to the foyer and turned, Alice was already on my heel looking sorry.

"I'm…"

"Can I have my clothes please Alice?" My voice was firm but shaky.

Part of me felt like bolting dressed as I was. Alice quickly ducked down the hall to the laundry and came back with my clothes. I looked up at the stairs contemplating the long walk up all the stairs to the top floor and instead walked straight past Alice to the downstairs toilet under the stairwell.

I came back out and Alice was waiting leaning against the wall across from me.

"Bella, I…"

"Alice, it's okay. I just… I shouldn't have… I need to go." I sighed.

She held out her hands for the clothes I was holding.

"Thanks, I really did have fun last night."

Alice looked forlornly at the PJs. I headed to the foyer whilst Alice quickly took the clothes to the laundry then scurried up beside me.

"Bella, wait." She grasped my elbow.

"Please, Alice. It's okay." I tried to reassure her with a small nod and a gentle hint with my eyes.

I opened the front door and hurried out to my ute.

"Shit!" I patted my pockets, no keys, smokes, walkman or phone.

I turned to see Edward standing at the door with Alice still waiting in the foyer behind him. He ducked inside then returned and walked down the stairs holding out my things for me.

"Thanks." I whispered.

"Bella… sorry. Emmett's just… he's protective. He speaks his mind. I'm sorry he… I…" Edward froze in the middle and furrowed his brow trying to come up with whatever he was trying to say.

"Look, I brought this on myself. I stepped over a line just being here."

"But that's the thing, you haven't. You haven't done anything wrong."

"So why do I feel like I'm always being put in the position of feeling like I have?"

Edward shrugged. "I…"

"Don't apologise, please. I've heard enough apologies to last me a lifetime. I'm… ugh! I have to go."

I jumped in the ute and it roared to life. I looked over to see Edward hadn't moved. He was looking at the ground, grinding his foot on the gravel, lost in thought. I wound down the window.

"Edward…" He didn't move.

"Edward…" I said firmer and reached out to touch his arm and waited until he looked up.

"I'm sorry… I…"

Edward shook his head and looked up.

"Don't apologise Bella, please."

I nodded. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to make the situation better, or was there?

I tried to start, to say something, but I didn't have anything. I came up empty. I let go of Edward's arm and placed my hand on the steering wheel feeling lost and torn. I was in the middle of Jacob and Edward, I didn't want to be but I just was. And it wasn't just them, it was their families. Emily, Leah, Billy, Charlie...

Maybe it was stupid of me to have gotten involved with Jacob. Maybe I shouldn't have moved to Forks. Maybe… maybe… ugh! Fuck! This was too much shit for me to handle.

I threw the ute into gear and turned quickly avoiding Edward or even looking at him. I forced my foot down on the pedal and gunned it down the Cullen's drive. The ute slid and then gripped on the gravel but I didn't slow as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I wiped them away trying to keep control of myself and of the ute. I started sobbing. I couldn't think. I had so much pressing on my mind.

Where could I run away to? I had no money, no friends, no… nothing. I was wiping my eyes, sobbing, heaving, I felt like someone had punched me in the guts and was stomping on my chest. I was… hyperventilating.

I clutched my chest to try to hold myself together. The ute slid around the corner and I regained control of it just in time see something dark in front of me. I slammed my feet on the brake and clutch bracing myself for impact.

I heard a whoosh of wind as I gasped, the skidding of my tyres on the gravel and the inevitable crunch of metal. The last I saw was blackness.

FF_2184952_ 6


	10. Chapter 9

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 9**

Emmett: "I think she's coming around."

Edward: "It's my fault."

Carlisle: "No, Edward. It was an accident."

Edward: "I shouldn't have let her go like that."

Emmett: "I should have kept my mouth shut."

Alice: "Yeah, Emmett, you should've."

Esme: "Hey, this isn't helping anyone. Alice and Emmett, go and cool down. Edward…"

Edward: "It's my fault, I'm staying."

Esme: "Edward, go easy on yourself. It was an accident. You stay here and help Carlisle; I'll go and ring Charlie."

Edward: "Carlisle…"

Carlisle: "It's okay Edward, just a scratch."

Edward: "It's been half an hour."

Carlisle: "It's okay. I checked her out. She's concussed and she'll wake when her brain let's her."

* * *

"Ow…"

"Bella?" Carlisle whispered.

"Bella!" Edward quietly exclaimed.

"Mmmm?"

"Bella, its Doctor Cullen… Carlisle. Can you open your eyes honey?"

"Ugh…" I gently opened my eyes allowing stinging light to slither in the gaps.

"That's it. Just lay still, you're ok." Carlisle's voice was smooth and calming.

"Ow…"

I winced at the throbbing coming from my head. I automatically tried to sit up and grabbed my head but felt pressure on me as soon as I moved.

"Relax Bella. Can you open you're eyes a little more?" Carlisle hummed.

Aren't they open already?

I slowly lifted my heavy lids. Everything was bright and fuzzy. I blinked a few times and slowly focussed on the silhouettes above me that changed from heavy blurs to shaky outlines then eventually to a silhouette of Edward and Carlisle.

"Omigosh! Dr Cullen! I'm so sorry, I… ugh! Fuck! Ow!"

"Its okay, Bella. You've got concussion." Carlisle smiled warmly.

"But I… you and…"

"We're fine. We're more concerned about you at the moment. Do you know what day it is?" How could he be so calm? Oh right, the doctor thing.

"A pretty shit day at this point." I murmured.

Edward chuckled. I tried to smack his arm but missed completely. Crap.

"I think she'll be fine." Edward cracked a gorgeous crooked smile.

"Does anything hurt Bella?" Carlisle asked as he shone a light in my eyes.

"Um… you mean besides my head? I um… ugh… I don't think so."

"Okay. You just lay still. Charlie will be here soon." Carlisle patted his hand gently on my shoulder.

"Shit! Charlie! He'll be pissed!" I tried to sit up again but failed miserably. I lowered myself down and as my head made contact with the couch it felt like a rock. I winced again.

"Bella, it's okay. I think he'll just be happy you're not severely injured." Why did Carlisle have to be so polite?

"I'm… s-s-s-sorry…"

"Bella?" I felt Carlisle check my pulse.

"I'm c-c-cold…"

"She's going into shock. Can you help me Edward?" Now Carlisle's voice got a little firmer but remained surprisingly calm.

He scooped up my legs and Edward stuffed sofa cushions underneath then left the room.

"What's happening?" I heard a gentle voice.

"A-A-Alice?"

"No Bella, love. It's Esme."

"Oh… I-I-I'm… s-s-s-sorry…"

"Shhh." I felt Esme stroking my hair gently. "It's okay." She hummed quietly.

Edward returned with blankets.

"Carlisle, you're bleeding." Edward said quietly.

"Oh. Pass me some gauze will you?" Carlisle smiled apologetically at me as I gasped and looked at the gash more intently across his temple.

"It's okay Bella, just breathe slowly, in and out…" Edward held a piece of gauze to Carlisle's head while Carlisle checked my chest with a stethoscope.

"How are you doing Bella?"

"O-k-k-k-kay… s-s-still c-c-cold-d-d-d." Stupid fucking chattering teeth.

The phone in Esme's hand rang. "It's Charlie."

Esme kissed my forehead then patted Edward's arm as she walked into the kitchen.

"What can I do Carlisle?" Edward spoke quietly. I could hear the irritable edge of panic in his voice.

"If you don't mind, can you hold her and warm her up? Just be gentle."

"Uh… ok."

I started shuddering more than shivering. Edward gently rolled over the back of the sofa and cradled me holding me close then Carlisle placed a couple of blankets over us.

"Is that ok?" Edward whispered.

"Mmmm…" was all I could manage without sounding like a stuttering ass.

Carlisle grabbed some tape out of his bag beside him and secured the gauze to his head. I closed my eyes as I trembled.

"Carlisle?" Edward's tone was a little more panicked.

"It's ok, just let her rest and get warm. We'll keep an eye on her." Carlisle whispered.

Edward started humming and stroking my hair with one hand while rubbing my arm with the other that was wrapped around me.

"Charlie's almost here, Emmett will pick him up and bring him the rest of the way." Esme sighed. "How's she doing?"

"Bella, honey? Are you warming up?" I felt Carlisle check my pulse again.

"Mmm…" I tried to nod. Everything fucking hurt my head.

Edward continued to hum.

* * *

"Hell Bells! Carlisle… Doctor Cullen… I… is she…" I opened my eyes to see a flustered and angered but very hazy Charlie.

"D-Dad? Ow…" I closed my eyes again.

"She's got a good concussion and went into shock. She's slowly improving." Carlisle's voice was calm and reassuring.

"Why didn't you call an ambulance?" Charlie's authority had entered his voice.

"There was no need Charlie, she'll be okay.

"Have you looked in a mirror? You don't look so good yourself. I don't know if…"

"Charlie, I'm fine. The airbag just gave me a good scratch. Please, have a seat. She just needs some time."

"But… can I… is there anything I…" Charlie sounded like he was going into shock.

"Just being here, reassuring her, keeping her calm and quiet is the best medicine right now." I could hear Carlisle taking control of Charlie, firm and calm.

"Oh… I… oh, Bells." Charlie sat on the floor next to me taking my hand gently in his.

I opened my eyes slightly to see Charlie glaring at Edward briefly, seeing the glare turn into anguish then of gratitude. He sighed. Typical. He had to play the protective father figure while there was nothing intimate about Edward helping me even though I had to admit I was enjoying it a little.

I tried to grip Charlie's hand to reassure him but it was hardly even a soft squeeze. Charlie's eyes flickered to mine and he smiled sheepishly and I closed my eyes again.

* * *

"Bella, can you open your eyes?"

With a little concentration my brain connected to make it happen and I eventually peeled my eyelids open a little. Carlisle checked my vision with that annoying little torch again. Stupid invention.

I glanced around a little to see Charlie now sitting on the sofa next to the one I was on, his head propped up on his hand and staring at me expressionless. His jacket was on the sofa next to him. Edward was still humming and running his fingers through my hair.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle smiled softly as he checked my pulse.

"Is it still the same shit day?" My voice was quiet and hoarse.

Edward chuckled lightly shaking the two of us.

"Yes, sorry." Carlisle grinned. "Are you in any pain?"

"Other than my head? No." I winced.

Carlisle hand me some pills and a glass of water.

"Do you want to try these?"

I went to nod but that was inflicting more pain on me. Edward gently sat me up holding me to him as I held out my trembling hands.

"Here…" Edward took the glass of water and I opened my mouth as Carlisle fed me the pills.

I sipped the water carefully. Even swallowing made my head throb. I leaned my head slowly back against Edward's shoulder and let my eyes shut.

* * *

"Bella? How are you doing?"

I opened my eyes again to see Carlisle doing his regular check. It was darker.

"Um… ok? What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

I glanced around first noticing Charlie had gone. Carlisle had changed clothes and I had one less blanket over me. Edward was still behind me.

"Where's Ch… Dad?"

"He's with Emmett and Jake pulling the cars apart. He'll be back soon to join us for dinner." Said Carlisle.

"Oh." And then I clicked. "Emmett and Jake?" I bolt upright then grabbed my head as it throbbed.

"Carlisle…" Edward groaned.

"Oh… I… sorry Bella." Carlisle sighed.

"Dr Cullen… I'm sorry, I… I need to…" I was so confused. Jake was pulling apart my mess? With Emmett? And…

"Shhh Bella." Edward pulled me back to lean against him.

"Shock?" I heard Edward whisper.

"No, anxiety I think." Carlisle remorsefully replied. "Bella, breathe slowly… in and out… slowly…"

I struggled to follow the instructions at first then slowly focused on Edward who was breathing as Carlisle instructed helping me grasp the rhythm. Soon my breathing was in sync with his. I felt tears streaming down my face. I was so embarrassed; my bodily functions out of my control and my head throbbed like fucking crazy.

Once my breathing settled, I lay back down with my arms crossed over my face hiding my shame and holding my head together.

Edward started to hum again running his fingers slowly through my hair. The tears wouldn't ease. I fought as hard as I could against the sobs that threatened to escape feeling like that would push me over the top of whatever it was, impending doom? My head ached. I could feel the painkillers seeping in and taking affect.

* * *

"Hell! Glad I'm not fixing the thing. It should be squashed and buried!" Emmett roared with laughter.

"Yeah, well he spent some time on the engine. He takes pride in that thing." I heard Charlie chuckle but I refused to budge keeping myself from falling apart.

Things can't have gone too badly with Jake on the scene if Emmett and Charlie were laughing. It didn't ease my tension though.

"How's she doing?" Charlie must have walked in and stopped before coming right into the lounge.

"Really well. She'll be tired and will need to rest for a few days. Keep any sort of brain stimulation like television, conversation and noise to a minimum. I'll prescribe some pain medication. Actually… Charlie… do you mind if I have a brief word worth you in my office?" I heard Carlisle and Charlie leave the room.

"Bella, are you awake?" Edward whispered.

I sighed.

"Are you… okay?"

Kill me, kill me NOW! Am I _okay_? How the hell do I answer _that_? I couldn't remember the events. I remembered being upset, I remembered Edward's anguished expression as I was leaving, I remembered… well, _sweet fuck all_! I'm guessing I crashed my ute in the drive and possibly into Carlisle by the snippets of conversation I had heard. Oh, yeah, and the gash on Carlisle's forehead. How _fucked_ was the ute? And his _expensive_ car? Fuck, AM I _OKAY_? FUCK!

"Bella?" Edward's voice cracked as I broke into sobs.

"I'm FUCKED! I've totally… fuck… and… I…" I was heaving, trying to gasp for air but getting too much air at the same time. My head was spinning and pounding. Ugh!

"Breathe, Bella… out…" Edward rubbed my back as I bolt upright struggling for the air to leave my chest before it exploded.

My heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest at any moment splattering anyone in the vicinity. I clung onto my body rocking back and forth. I started retching. Edward bolted. _Great_. I scared the fuck out of him!

The next thing I knew Edward jumped over the back of the sofa and held a bowl in front of me just in time. I gagged, retched and vomited nothing but the few sips of water I'd had. Oh, right… I hadn't eaten since… since… last night?

Edward rubbed my back humming again, shushing in between to calm me down. God! I really _was_ a mess! What. The. Fuck?

"Everything okay Bells?" Charlie asked as he walked back in the room stopping at once when reaching the end of the sofa.

Let's get this straight… I _HATE_ pity eyes.

Carlisle continued past Charlie rounding the sofa and put his hand on my shoulder in a fatherly gesture, one that Charlie couldn't bring himself to do.

I nodded. "Can I go home?" I choked out quietly.

Charlie looked at Carlisle, Carlisle looked at Edward, and Edward cocked an eyebrow with an expression I couldn't quite decipher. What was I missing here? Charlie looked down at his feet, puzzled and speechless.

"What?" I was getting paranoid. And the throbbing in my head wasn't helping the rage I was trying to hold back.

Carlisle crouched in front of me. "How are you feeling?"

"Um…" I sighed. "My head still hurts. But, okay… I guess."

I eyed Carlisle suspiciously.

Carlisle nodded with pursed lips. "I want you to take it easy and rest. No television, no…"

"I heard." I cut him off. Yeah, rudely but I was so past today.

Carlisle sighed giving me a concerned look which I ignored and flicked the blanket off me.

"I'll stop by tomorrow and check in on you."

I nodded slowly. "Dr Cullen?"

"Carlisle." He smiled.

"Uh… Carlisle… I'm sorry about the trouble I've caused you and your family."

I couldn't look at him. I was so ashamed from all the events from… well, the scattered memories I could scratch together of my time at the Cullen's.

"Don't worry about any of that right now. You just look after yourself and take care. There's no need to be hard on yourself, it'll all work itself out in time."

I looked up to see Dr Cullen's… Carlisle's warm and compassionate smile. I was definitely missing something but right now I didn't give a shit. I craved the comfort of my bed, a cigarette and being alone.

Edward helped me up and kept his arm around my waist as I wobbled a little. I gave him the slightest apologetic smile. Hey, I'm not a total bitch. Well, not right now.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"Anytime." Edward returned my apologetic smile with more effort in his than I had put into mine.

Edward walked me out to Charlie's cruiser. As I got in the car I caught a glimpse of Carlisle's car. I couldn't make out what it was but it looked European and expensive. The front of it was pushed in and the bonnet buckled. I gasped and then cringed at the thought of having to work to pay it off for the rest of my life.

I felt the pang in my chest and the pounding in my head again. I closed my eyes and rested back against the car seat wishing I could've just not woken up after the accident.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward spoke softly.

I had completely forgotten he was still standing beside the car.

"You're sorry?" I looked up at Edward. I was confused and looked away from him and back at Carlisle's car.

"Yeah, I am. I…"

I sighed and shook my head. _That hurt_. I held my temples.

"I'll see you… uh…" Edward trailed off.

"Yeah." I whispered and Edward paused before quietly closing the car door.

Charlie finished talking to Carlisle on the porch, shook Edward's hand thanking him on his way to the car.

Edward held one hand up in a still wave before slinking into the house. I closed my eyes again and remained silent for the drive home thankful that Charlie wasn't a big talker.

We arrived home and all I could think of was ducking out the back for a well overdue cigarette as we entered the house.

"Are you…"

I turned around and glared at Charlie. "Please don't ask if I'm okay." I sighed.

"Actually, I was going to ask if you were hungry." Charlie smiled warmly.

"Oh… dinner. Dad, I…"

"You don't have to worry about me Bells. The Cullen's fed me. Boy, can that Esme cook!" Charlie patted his belly.

"No, I just want a cigarette and then to go to bed."

"But…"

"I'm not hungry." I pushed past Charlie and out the back door.

I sat down and lit a smoke resting my head on my arm which was wrapped around my legs hugging them close to my chest. I tried to remember the accident but it was like trying to make a picture out of a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle that had just been opened and spilt on the floor.

I finished my smoke and headed back inside. I gave the dead plant where I stubbed my smoke out a jealous glare feeling for it.

"I should be so lucky." Great, I was talking to dead plants.

Charlie was sitting in the lounge channel surfing. I kept walking.

"Night."

"Goodnight. Oh… Bells?"

"Yeah?" I turned on my heels to face Charlie and grabbed the doorframe as I wobbled.

"I have to check on you through the night… just so you know."

"'Kay."

I turned and went up to my room before anything else could be said. I changed into my pyjamas deciding a shower could wait until I had the energy. I ran a hot facecloth over my face trying to ease off the remainders of the shittiest day.

I grimaced at the pain from my forehead looking in the mirror at the sight of it. My forehead was swollen, my eyes bloodshot and there were bruised bags forming under them, my hair was a fucking mess.

I decided to leave the room before I smashed anything at the mirror.

I curled up in bed in the foetal position finally getting comfortable and ignoring the instructions about "no brain stimulation" settling for whatever I landed on with my walkman. The screen was blurry so I had no idea what I ended up listening to. It was music I hadn't heard before but it was good. Great even. Acoustic, mellow… just what I needed to soothe myself to sleep.

FF_2184952_ 9


	11. Chapter 10

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 10**

The daylight filtered in. I had no clue what time it was.

I remembered Charlie waking me in the night and checking on me. I was still dazed as to what had happened. I couldn't put the pieces together. My stomach rumbled and before I could think of getting out of bed, there was a light knock at my door and Charlie walked in.

He smiled as soon as my eyes met his.

"Hey." Charlie spoke softly.

"Hey." My voice was still a little raspy.

"How's the head?"

"Still attached." I groaned.

"Feel up to eating anything?"

"Yeah." I rolled over to get out of bed.

"Stay there. I'll bring it up."

Before I could argue, Charlie was already heading downstairs. I reached around my head feeling for my walkman which often ended up under my pillow with the chords snaking somewhere around my head but I couldn't feel it anywhere. I finally found it on my side table but couldn't remember putting it there. I turned it on to look for what I had been listening to last night but I still couldn't read the fuzzy screen. Fuck it all…

Charlie walked in with a tray. He'd made scrambled eggs, bacon, a couple of pop tarts, coffee, and a glass of water with a couple of painkillers rested next to it. I beamed. I'd never had breakfast in bed and appreciated the extra mile Charlie had gone to.

He put the breakfast tray on my lap after I had sat up propping some pillows behind me. He took the walkman and turned it off. I glared at him.

"Dr Cullen… Carlisle said…"

"I know what he said, Dad. It helps me sleep though."

"Yeah, I… okay… I was just following orders." Charlie held his hands up defensively.

"Thanks Dad, this looks great." I popped the painkillers in my mouth first and started sipping my coffee.

"Carlisle will be here at one o'clock to check on you."

"Okay." I glanced at my alarm clock but couldn't make out the numbers. "What time is it?"

"Quarter past twelve." Charlie sighed.

"Whoa… so I've been asleep…" I furrowed my eyebrows trying to think and felt the tight pull and pain from my forehead. I reached up and tenderly touched the bulge grimacing.

"Uh… a little over fourteen hours. Yeah… you have a hell of a bump. Try not to think.

"Hmmm… not thinking… that's going to take some skill."

Charlie chuckled.

I ran my fingers through my hair wondering if I still looked as much of a mess as I did last night.

"I suppose I should have a shower or something."

"No hurry Bells. Just take it easy. I'm sure the doc has seen… um…"

"Yeah, worse." I rolled my eyes at Charlie and lightly shook my head more to myself than him.

He smiled and then left me to eat my breakfast.

By the time I nibbled a little bit of everything on the plate and finished my coffee I was exhausted. I lay back and rested my eyes.

There was another small knock on the door and Charlie walked in then lifted the breakfast tray.

"Carlisle's here."

"Already?"

Carlisle poked his head in after Charlie walked out.

"Good afternoon Bella." Carlisle smiled a warming tender smile.

"Hi Dr Cullen."

"Please, Carlisle's fine. So… how are you today?" He asked as he sat on the edge of the bed opening his medical bag.

"Um…" Other than horribly embarrassed? "Yeah, alright. Could be better." I smiled lightly.

I noticed Carlisle's gash had been redressed.

"I'm sorry about everything." I frowned.

"Don't worry about it right now. Do you remember much of the accident?" Carlisle asked as he checked my vitals.

"Uh… I remember… well… leaving, kind of. I know I upset everyone and then, well… not much after that." I felt my voice tremble.

"Okay, that's okay. It's normal to lose a bit of memory after a head injury. Do you know what today is?"

"Uh… Saturday?" I guessed.

"Yes." Carlisle smiled.

There was a light knock on the door again and Charlie walked in taking a seat on the chair by my desk.

"How is she doc?"

"Good. A couple of days rest and we'll see how we go. A few days off school with maybe a few half days before getting into the swing of things, you know, depending…" Carlisle smiled compassionately at Charlie.

"Depending…?" I prompted.

"Well… I wanted to ask you a few things if you don't mind."

"Uh… okay?" I assumed this was the result of the brief conversation Charlie and Carlisle had last night, why Charlie was now wriggling a little uncomfortably in his seat now and not looking at me.

"I understand you had a bit of a rough time in Phoenix."

"Yeah…" I looked across at Charlie who was still avoiding eye contact and then back at Carlisle waiting to see where this was going.

"Since you've arrived in Forks, how have you been feeling?"

"Uh… okay I guess." How the hell would I know?

"Any irritability, confusion, feelings…" Carlisle prompted.

I thought for a moment. I was feeling a little confused right now and getting irritable with the questioning. I knew I was being led down some path I wasn't sure I wanted to be on but I couldn't quite help myself by following. I was pretty knackered and just wanted to curl back up to sleep.

"I guess a little… lost? Confused… yeah…" I looked down and fidgeted with the edge of my duvet. I could feel my heart starting to pound and my bottom lip trembling again as I fought back tears that I could feel coming. There was this horrible lump forming in the back of my throat that I wasn't sure of. Was I going to vomit or did I need to cough up a fur ball?

"It's just, well… I noticed you having some anxiety issues last night and I hope you don't mind but I spoke to Edward and Alice this morning."

Yeah I fucking mind!

I glared at Carlisle and felt the anger surge through me. My new friends betrayed me already? My body started to tremble, like a shiver that wouldn't quite escape me, I felt like ripping into Carlisle… and Edward… and Alice… Alice, "Switzerland"… yeah, right.

"They didn't say much, they kept your confidence so please be mad at them. We're all just concerned Bella. This is hard to absorb, I know, but it's possible that you have depression and maybe some anxiety issues."

Oh.

I could feel the wind being knocked out of me. Was he, Charlie… everyone… saying I'm… nuts? I kept staring at where my hands had frozen gripping the edge of my duvet.

"It's common Bella, especially when you've been in a stressful situation like you were in Phoenix. There's nothing to be ashamed or scared of. It's similar to being deficient in minerals or vitamins, like lack of iron. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain and can be easily remedied."

I couldn't find any words. I could hear Carlisle speaking but I was numb apart from feeling the tears stream down my face.

"I know it's a lot to take in and you've probably had enough for today. I'm guessing you're tired. I'll give you a prescription and recommend some counselling."

Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"We're all here for you Bella, anytime. I understand you have Alice's and Edward's phone numbers. Here's my card and my mobile is always on. Charlie has agreed to have a week off so there's no need to feel alone. Please, just call one of us if you need us."

I slowly nodded in the smallest movement as Carlisle placed his card on my side table then stood.

"I'll check on you tomorrow." Carlisle hesitated then left the room.

"I'll be down in a minute doc." Charlie made his way over to me and sat on the bed where Carlisle had just been.

He took my hand in his and clasped his other hand over the top.

"Bells, honey…"

"You're supposed to be fishing." My voice was cold. I almost surprised myself.

"Bella?"

"I said go AWAY!" I felt the anger surge through me.

I felt betrayed.

I glared at Charlie, his eyes wide open with shock, his mouth almost gaping and white around the edges.

"_GET OUT!"_

Charlie stood up and turned to leave. He looked back at me while I shot daggers at him with my eyes then he left the room. I bolted out of bed and slammed the door regretting it as soon as my head began to throb.

I slumped back on the door and pulled the covers over me, buried my head in my pillow and sobbed. I could hear muffled voices downstairs, no doubt Charlie and Carlisle conspiring my drugs and treatment.

The whole world was out to get me. No matter where I went, where I ended up, everything I touched, anyone I got close to… it all turned to shit.

I sobbed until I was beat. The tears kept flowing and eventually I fell back to sleep.

I woke to a light knock on the door.

"Go away." I mumbled hoarsely into my pillow.

I heard the door open and groaned picking up one of my pillows and throwing it toward the direction of the door.

"Hey!"

I looked up to see Jake. He had caught the pillow and was pretending to look offended. I rolled my eyes and buried my head back in the pillow.

"So, it's bad enough you have to wreck the ute, now you want to wreck me too?" Jake teased.

I groaned. "Geez Jake… kick me while I'm down."

"Okay, so that was a little harsh. How are you doing? You had me worried." Jake lay across the bed next to me and rubbed my back.

"Yeah, sorry. Haven't you heard the latest? I'm a screw up." I mumbled not lifting my head.

"Uh… yeah. Charlie called Dad, he filled me in."

"Great. So now the whole of Forks _and_ La Push knows I'm a nutter."

"Aww Bells, none of us think that. You've had it rough."

I turned to look at Jake. "What are you doing here?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Jake looked perplexed.

"Why are you wasting your time, here, with… me?"

"We didn't get our date." Jake pouted.

I rolled my eyes and lay my head on the pillow facing him, confused. Great. The doctor was right. Nuts.

"I figured since you bailed on me, well… twice, I might as well come to you." Jake grinned.

"I didn't bail, Jake."

"I know, just hasslin'. Besides, I missed you and I'm sure you missed me. Admit it."

I giggled. I had to hand it to him; he knew how to lighten me up. Maybe I wouldn't need medication if I spent more time with Jake… maybe.

"Yeah, I missed you too."

"Aww shucks!" Jake put his hand over his heart with a contented expression. "So… what shall we do?"

"I'm not allowed to do anything, no brain type stuff."

"Sounds technical."

"It's harder than you think."

"So you need to act like a blond for a few days?

I giggled.

We lay in silence for a while. I closed my eyes as Jake ran patterns on my back with his fingers.

"So, how bad is it?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Huh?"

"The ute."

"Uh… nothing I can't fix."

"Jake…"

"No really, a few weeks and she'll be mint."

"A few weeks?" I went to sit up but grabbed my head and lay back down.

"Yeah, but you'll love it when it's done."

"Huh?"

"Do you like black?"

"Black?"

"Yeah." Jake beamed.

"Yeah… suits my mood. I'm all about emo now." I smiled lightly. "Let me know what it costs."

I didn't know how I'd pay, time for the job hunt to begin I guess. I grimaced at the thought.

"Oh, Bella." Jake kissed my forehead tenderly. His lips were soft and gentle on the melon I felt was trying to grow from my skull.

"Jake?" Charlie called.

"Just a minute Bella." Jake left the room and returned shortly with a glass of water and some pills.

I recognised the painkillers; the other two pills were new. I glared at Jake.

"Aww come on Bella. If it makes you feel better, isn't it worth trying them?"

I took the painkillers and swallowed them first with a sip of water. I handed the glass back to Jake and lay down.

"Bella?"

"No Jake."

"What if I asked you to take them for me… for Charlie?"

I closed my eyes and tried to contain the fury.

"Please?"

"Leave them on the side table and I'll think about it."

"Bella…."

"I'm tired Jake. I need to rest."

"But…"

"I will think about it." I forced each word using the last of my strength then sighed rolling over away from Jake and the rest of the world.

I heard the glass being placed on the table and the chink of the two little pills next to it. Jake leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Take it easy Bella. I'll see you tomorrow." He whispered.

I grunted and Jake left closing the door quietly behind him. I petted for my walkman, found it and pressed play. The same music played as before but I still couldn't read the writing. I let the music detach my mind from my body and felt the relief as the painkillers kicked in then drifted back off to sleep.

_"In the failing light of the afternoon  
__Lucy in the shade of the dogwood blooms  
__Yesterday the solace of a poison fish  
__Tomorrow I'll be kissing on her blood red lips_

_No one is the saviour they would like to be  
__The lovesong of the buzzard in the dogwood tree  
__With a train of horses laughing through the traffic line  
__And the cradle's unimaginative sense of time_

_Springtime and the promise of an open fist  
__A tattoo of a flower on a broken wrist  
__Lucy tells me jokingly to wipe her brow  
__With a pocket map to heaven and the sun goes down"  
_~Iron & Wine "Lovesong Of The Buzzard"


	12. Chapter 11

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 11**

For a cop, it was amazing how timid Charlie was of me. I knew it wasn't his fault and he was probably going through hell, more so because of me. He tried to make a joke about hiding the medication in my food and I ripped into him telling him I wasn't a dog or some dumb animal. I refused to eat anything he brought in and managed to make my way downstairs slowly to get a coffee and a couple of pop tarts for dinner before retreating back to my room just to reinforce my point.

Charlie tried to threaten me gently that he would take my walkman if I didn't take my pills, when that didn't work he tried to take my walkman saying I shouldn't be listening to it with my head the way it was. He wasn't too good with emotional outbursts so when I started laying into him and relating him to Phil and his opinion with music he dropped the subject. Yeah, it was a bitchy move but I wasn't in the mood to be messed with.

The night went fairly uninterrupted. I felt guilty at how badly I treated Charlie especially as he still checked on me every few hours.

Carlisle returned to check on me. I had woken at nine and was bored already by the time he came at ten. Charlie had brought up another breakfast, the same as yesterdays. He swore on his life he hadn't drugged my food and I apologised for my behaviour. He shrugged it off and in a show of good will towards him, I took the pills that were still on my side table and swallowed them. He smiled softly before leaving the room.

Carlisle didn't say much, he smiled compassionately, made sure I was doing well physically and said he'd check on me in a couple of days. I was given permission to watch a little television but nothing heavy. Again, no brain work.

Apparently Alice had been asking about me and begging to visit. I knew she meant well by saying as much or as little to Carlisle so I gave my permission for her to visit anytime. Angela sent me a text message which, reluctantly, I asked Charlie to read to me so I called her and filled her in with the weekend's events. I would've asked Charlie to read the walkman for me but I was sure that would just rub salt into his wounds for all the fuss I'd made over the fucking thing. I definitely needed to make it up to him after the comments I threw at him about Phil. I kicked myself for being such a bitch.

Angela was great to speak to. I didn't go into detail about how I ended up having the accident or my new diagnosis. She kept the phone call short, no messing with words as usual. I dozed off for a bit and woke shortly after one to a bright voice downstairs, Alice.

"Hey." I said quietly as I heard her reach the top of the stairs.

She came and sat on the edge of the bed with a sorrowful glazed expression. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it. Alice, lost for words? This had to be a first.

I reached out and held her hand giving her a warm smile. She brightened a little and a tear slowly trickled down her cheek.

"Alice…" I choked out her name. "I'm so sorry… I…" I was sobbing.

She threw her arms around me, we hugged and cried together.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

We regained our composure a little and Alice curled up beside me on the bed with her arms still wrapped around me.

"Why are you sorry Alice?"

"I should have, I guess, I shouldn't have… Oh Bella! There's so much I could have done differently so things didn't have to escalate… like… this."

"Alice, no one is at fault but me. I got myself into this mess. I went into it, eyes wide open. I set myself up to fall." I trailed off into a whisper.

"But that's the thing Bella, you didn't. Don't you see? This is all a consequence of what happened to you before you came to Forks."

I reflected over my past week in Forks, flashbacks to my behaviour in Phoenix, flashbacks of Phil's beatings and arguments.

"I wasn't too easy on my mother's husband. She loves him… I should have made it easier, shared my mother. I…"

"Bella, don't." Alice sat up with her intense eyes boring into mine. "There is _no_ excuse for the actions that brute felt he need to inflict on you, his wife's daughter. He knew he had to share your mother, a package deal. He's the adult in the situation. None of this is your fault."

I gazed into her eyes contemplating what she had said. She was right, my mind tried to rationalise it even though I felt a large pang of guilt in my heart. All the things I had done, sleeping around, getting into fights at school and the odd pub brawl I caused just for the hell of it. I purposefully seduced a couple of men in a bar every now and then just to get the thrill of them fighting over me only to eventually walk out of the bar to fuck another man. Shit, I was a bitch. But still, I didn't deserved to be physically, and I guess emotionally, beaten.

We were quiet for a while. The silence was comfortable as we lay together. I wondered if this would be how if felt to have a sister.

"How's Edward doing?" I whispered.

Silence.

"Alice?"

I turned to face her, her eyes were closed and a few tears crept out between her eyelashes.

"He's doing ok." Alice sighed.

"Alice, please… don't spare me the truth."

Alice took a deep breath.

"He's shut himself away. He comes out only to get food and take it too his room. He's…" she trailed off.

"Broken." I grimaced as the word escaped my mouth.

"No Bella, he's just… um…"

"What?"

"Protecting himself. I don't know… I haven't been able to get a word out of him. He won't even make eye contact." Alice burst into tears and I rolled over to hold her the way she had me.

"I'll talk to him."

"What?" Alice looked at me almost in shock.

"I need to. I can't let him feel like this, because of me. He needs to understand my side. If we have to work together for school I need to be honest with him, give him the option of walking away. You know, so he doesn't feel rejected."

"Bella…"

"Alice, I'm not prepared to walk away from him or Jake. They both need support, like… we all do. _God!_ We're all _fucked!_"

Alice giggled. "You have such a way with words."

"What can I say? I have an extensive expletive vocabulary hidden away for moments like this." I batted my eyelashes.

We both laughed.

As the giggles died down I was lost in a train of thought.

"Can you take me to your place?"

"Now?" Alice sat up, wide-eyed like a deer caught in a set of headlights.

"Yeah…"

"Bella, I… normally I would but, well, under the circumstances, I think you need some rest and Edward just needs time."

I sighed.

"I guess you're right."

"Switzerland, remember?" Alice smirked. "I'm looking after both your best interests."

I thought I smiled, maybe I frowned.

"It'll be fine." Alice rubbed my arm. "This will be easier, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it will be. Carlisle said you're having the week off. Let your medication sink in, take care of yourself, don't think too hard."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, like that'll be easy to do." I mumbled.

"Really, Bella. Edward and I will take notes from school."

"Alice, no." I interjected.

"No arguments. And I'll come and see you after school. Don't try to stop me, I'm here for you. Anything you need, just text or ring."

"Why are you so good to me?" I sighed again.

Alice gave me a big hug and then got up to leave.

"Don't think, rest, take care of yourself." Alice ordered with a firm but soft voice. She didn't let me say anything, blew me a kiss and she slipped out the door.

I rolled over and let our conversation play over in my mind. In the short time she was here I had felt guilty, I felt loved, I felt… exhausted.

Tears were on the edge of breaking through again. I heaved in a shaking breath and pushed back the tears. I grabbed my walkman and finally I could read the screen. "Iron and Wine." So that's who I had been listening to. I pressed play and listened to "Resurrection Fern" absorbing the words and the melody. It was my favourite track so far but I loved the whole album.

Charlie didn't make an appearance the whole afternoon. At four thirty I wandered downstairs to find him asleep on the sofa in front of a muted television. He looked drained.

My heart throbbed as I realised he had put a vast amount of his time over the last couple of days checking on me throughout the night and most likely fretting with worry when he was awake. Of course he'd never admit to that.

I crept into the kitchen to make him a decent dinner, steak and stuffed potatoes. I even threw together chocolate brownies for dessert all the while smiling remembering Edward's brownies. At that moment the compilation I was listening to on my walkman stopped me in my tracks. I closed my eyes as the tears flowed and I held myself up gripping onto the bench while I absorbed the words.

"_Step one you say we need to talk  
__He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
__He smiles politely back at you  
__You stare politely right on through  
__Some sort of window to your right  
__As he goes left and you stay right  
__Between the lines of fear and blame  
__You begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

_Let him know that you know best  
__Cause after all you do know best  
__Try to slip past his defence  
__Without granting innocence  
__Lay down a list of what is wrong  
__The things you've told him all along  
__And pray to God he hears you  
__And pray to God he hears you_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

_As he begins to raise his voice  
__You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
__Drive until you lose the road  
__Or break with the ones you've followed  
__He will do one of two things  
__He will admit to everything  
__Or he'll say he's just not the same  
__And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life"  
_~The Fray "How to Save a Life"

The oven timer beeped and I snapped my eyes open as a small cloud of smoke billowed out of the oven. Shit!

The steak I was grilling looked more like briquettes of charcoal.

"FUCK!" I threw the tray across the room in a fit of fury.

"Bella?" Charlie charged into the kitchen to find me a sobbing mess sitting on the floor, hunched in a ball with my arms wrapped around my legs, leaning against the kitchen cabinets.

"Bella, honey? What…" Charlie took in the evidence scattered across the room.

He turned off the stove and sat next to me wrapping me in his arms. I sobbed heavier and harder than I ever had in my life. With every heave, the sobs escaped but the big lump in my chest continued to swell.

Charlie leapt up and grabbed the phone then returned holding me with one arm as he dialled. _Dear God! He's going to have me committed!_

All rationality had blasted its way out of my brain and I was fighting for the phone. I was in a fit of primal rage, an instinctive reaction to preserve what little dignity I may have left. Screaming, clawing, grasping… heaving… retching… suffocating…

I tried to gasp for air, I could get air in but it wouldn't get out. My heart was pounding, my lungs bordering on explosion, my head throbbing wishing for the hazy darkness to envelop me and take me over. I wanted out, out of this broken brain, this broken soul.

I heard crinkling. I saw nothing, felt nothing but claustrophobic. I fought again, striking whatever was in front of me. Damn my fucking head and my distorted vision!

Fuck knows how long it was going on for. Heaving, crinkling… heaving, crinkling…

Then FUCK! A stab in my thigh. I didn't feel the pain as such but more the fright of it happening. I reacted by punching the closest object to my legs. Next I was thrashing against whatever was trying to pin me still… _FUCK ME! They're putting me in a straitjacket!_

Heaving and crinkling… it eventually slowed and my thrashing exhausted. I lost all will to fight.

Gradually I opened my eyes. Charlie was in front of me holding a paper bag around my nose and mouth. Rationality crept back in and I recognised the sound of the crinkling. _Ok, so not totally crazy… yet._

He stroked my forehead, wide-eyed, hesitant and guarded. He flinched as I reached up to touch his face where there were three distinct scratches. _Did I do that? Was I so feral that I clawed him?_ His nose was red and puffy. _Had I punched him? Oh my fucking GOD! What the hell had I done?_

My breathing hitched and I was overwhelmed by tears. Another hitch in my breathing and I was struggling for air again. _FUCK!_

It felt like an eternity, more heaving and crinkling. My body thrashing as I suffocated. I felt the restraining against my body again before another stab in my thigh. _What. The. FUCK?_

As my body slowed, the thudding in my head easing into a dull ache, my breathing returning to some sort of rhythm in between gasps, I glared towards where my leg was now being rubbed. Carlisle…

_When did he get here? How? Why?_

There was another set of hands softened around my ankles. I rolled my head a little to see Edward. _How fucking embarrassing._ The look in his eyes… sorrow, torment, empathy?

Disoriented and feeling heavy, slightly more relaxed, I let my mind go.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes and Carlisle was crouched next to Charlie.

"Bella, you're okay. You're having panic attacks so I've given you a sedative. You'll feel a little groggy now, don't be frightened. Everything will be okay, just try to relax. Concentrate on your breathing for me if you can, breath in, count to five, slowly, and slowly exhale counting to ten. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded as I heard Carlisle breathe to set the rhythm and quietly counting for me. It got easier to breathe, my body heavier. Through the light-headedness I heard an exchange of low voices between Carlisle and Charlie.

"Bella, Edward will stay here and keep you company. Charlie and I will just be in the lounge."

I nodded and reached up to take Charlie's hand in apology but he didn't take it. The tears continued to stream and Edward came to replace Carlisle. I realised I was lying on the kitchen floor. Carlisle returned briefly with a blanket and Edward lay it over me then lay next to me on the floor resting his head on his arm. He began breathing as Carlisle had, holding the paper bag and my gaze.

Edward's eyes were glassy and pained, his face calm with an occasional soft reassuring smile. Some time passed and he removed the paper bag.

"Why are you…"

"Don't talk Bella, just breathe."

Edward set the breathing again and I followed his rhythm. He ran his fingers down a strand of my hair tucking it behind my ear. I kept breathing, focussing on keeping the rhythm whilst Edward began to hum.

I felt the heaviness of the drugs take effect and the melody soothe me. I drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 12

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 12**

I awoke groggy, eventually daring to open my eyes. Disoriented wasn't even enough to describe how I felt. I took in my surroundings. I was in the lounge on the sofa. I could hear muffled voices and looked towards the dining table.

Charlie's head was cradled in his hands. His fingers circled his temples while he was staring aimlessly into his coffee. Carlisle was speaking. I couldn't quite make out the words all blurring together like a hum. I was suddenly conscious of my position. I tipped my head upwards and saw Edward leaning his head back on the sofa. My head was on a cushion and resting on his lap. His arm rested on my upper arm. He looked peaceful.

Warily I absorbed his features. He had a strong jaw line emphasised by stubble framed by his copper-brown sideburns which led up to his chocolate-bronze coloured hair. His eyelashes, long and dominant, being the envy of every girl I could possibly know. His nose, perfect, almost like a Greek God led like a neon sign to his lips. Those lips… drawing every butterfly out its slumber in the pit of my stomach. They were relaxed, slightly parted, whilst he slept.

I rolled cautiously toward him so I could let my eyes trail down his form without disturbing him. From his neck, his torso, his grey-marled t-shirt cut in a v which allowed the slightest scattering of hair to show. The shirt was tight but not too clingy allowing my imagination to wander with the shape of his chest and the firmness his torso most likely held. I wondered if he worked out or if he was a natural-born wonder of the world. I hadn't really noticed before how stunning he actually was.

I closed my eyes and inhaled drawing in his scent. Sandalwood or patchouli? Leathery, woody, musk and velvet. Soft but masculine. Enlightening my sense but yet calming, warm and inviting.

I opened my eyes to see Edward's sleepy gaze fixed on mine. His eyes looked shadowed and drawn eradicating the peacefulness he had before. He lifted his head slightly and his eyebrows furrowed as he gave me a small smile, concern. Great. I smiled lazily back at him and lifted my hand. He flinched slightly. What had I done to him?

I slowed my movement and ran my fingers between his brows smoothing it out. I placed my hand against the side of his face contouring his cheek and tried to piece together any words with depth to say more than just "I'm sorry".

Edward smoothed my hair and leaned into my hand humming his now familiar tune. I closed my eyes and focussed on the melody. Like a lullaby, I drifted back to sleep.

I stood at La Push looking toward the ocean. The shit log was in front of me with Jake sitting on it gazing into a fire. I heard footsteps on the pebbles behind me and turned in slow motion. As I recognised Edward, he stopped and held his hand out to me whilst his perfect crooked smile graced his formerly apologetic eyes. His eyes now sparkled with hope and expectation.

"_Bella?"_ Jacob's voice was firm, almost demanding.

I turned to his direction. Jake's hand extended in front of him also. His expression was possessive, his eyes glinting with lust. My head turned from him to Edward and back again. I looked at the sea, my legs poised ready to sprint to the water.

"_Bella!"_ I heard both their voices as I took off towards the water. _"Bella!"_

I leapt up and focussed my eyes. Daylight was breaking through the curtains. I was sweating and confused. I looked around and felt a pang of insecurity when I realised I was alone. My breathing hitched and then Charlie walked in from the kitchen.

"Bells!" Charlie was shocked I was awake but also happy like when I first arrived a week ago.

It hit me then. A week…

A week in Forks and this is what Charlie has. A mental daughter, more dilemmas to deal with than the destruction I created in Phoenix, a bruised and clawed face.

"Dad… I'm… oh my… I…" _FUCK!_

"Bella, honey… shhh…" Charlie sat down and put his coffee on the table then pulled me into a hug. "It'll be okay, just breathe…"

_Ohhhh kay…_ Charlie must have been giving breathing instructions to help the nutter. Fanfuckingtastic.

I followed his shaky and less rhythmical breathing for a minute or so then sighed.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I know what you must be thinking. I didn't mean to…"

"Bells, it's nothing." He interrupted.

"Dad…" I pulled away from him and eyed him suspiciously. "Have you seen what I've _done_ to your _face_?"

Charlie chuckled. I couldn't see what was so amusing.

"I've had worse in my line of work you know."

I grimaced at the thought.

"But I'm not a… a… street thug. I'm your daughter."

"Now just you cut that out. Physical wounds heal quicker than what you're going through. Don't worry about us."

"Us?" I looked up at Charlie, perplexed.

"Uh… me…" Charlie looked away and sipped his coffee as if that could change the subject.

"Dad, us?" I demanded.

"Look Bella, it's nothing."

"Charlie, _tell_ me!" I pleaded.

"Ugh… shit. Okay. You were really upset and a mess. No one's blaming you…"

"What did I do? And who?" Frustration was boiling into anger.

"Uh… Carlisle got a good punch in the arm I think and Edward, well…"

"Come on, spit it out!" Yep, fury.

"He copped a couple of kicks. Tell you what Bella, you're one hell of a tough cookie, could take up kickboxing or..."

"I kicked Edward?" I gasped.

"Uh… yeah…" Charlie murmured.

"But he… he didn't say… he didn't look… where?"

"Huh? Oh, in the legs or his gut or something."

"Where are they now? I need to apologise." I bolted up off the couch then felt a wave of euphoria hit me as well as a few quick thuds in my head.

Charlie grabbed my shoulders to steady me and sat me back down on the couch.

"Now look, Bella…" Charlie started in an authoritative tone, gasped and stood upright. He closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath then started again softly.

"It's okay, like I said, no one's blaming you. They've gone home to rest. Edward is taking the day off school and will come over to spend time with you. I'll go to the pharmacy and supermarket, Alice will join us this afternoon. How about I get pizza for dinner?" Charlie sounded almost automated.

I stole a moment to take in what Charlie had pretty much just blurted then remembered my failed attempt to apologise to Charlie.

"Dinner…" I sighed as I cradled my head in my hands tugging my hair at the roots.

"The stuffed potatoes were great and those brownies… we saved you some." Charlie smiled whilst patting his stomach.

"You ate that?" I gasped.

"Yeah, why not? Everything was fine. Well, except the steak. Is that what set you off?" Charlie's voice petered out.

I spared him his emotions knowing he'd had more than his fair share of tears and tantrums to last him a decade or more.

"Yeah… it was. It was supposed to be an "I'm sorry for being such a bitch" dinner but I failed… miserably." I shrugged with an efforted smile.

"Oh Bells, you didn't have to."

"Yeah I did and I still will make it up to you."

"You don't need to go to any trouble…"

"I do, I want to." I cut Charlie off. "This has been a shit week, I promised improvement and look what's happened. When I get a job…"

"Bella…"

"No, I'm getting a job and when I do, I'm shouting you dinner, somewhere that someone else can fuck it up." My turn to use an authoritative tone. Okay, I included the arm folding and everything.

Charlie laughed. "All the time in the world, Bells." Then he sighed. "I want you to be… well, better, you know… um, happier. Don't worry about a job just yet." Charlie ran his hand nervously through his hair looking up through his eyebrows.

"Dad, I have to. I need to pay for the ute." I closed my eyes and grimaced. I wondered how bad it really looked and how much it was going to cost to get it back on the road. Maybe it was a write-off?

"I'll make you a deal, you worry about you and don't feel pushed into getting a job, I'll pay for the ute and we'll square it up later."

"Dad…" I moaned.

"Nope, not budging. It's not a deal in fact, it's an order." Charlie smirked.

I knew by his tone that he was going to be a stubborn mule and there was not much I could do about it.

"Yes sir, Chief Swan." I saluted.

"That's my girl. Now, breakfast?"

"Yes please. I can…"

"Nope. Sit." Charlie ordered and pointed to the recliner chair.

I saluted again and giggled. Charlie grabbed his coffee and tossed me the TV remote before heading into the kitchen. He returned with a coffee for me.

"Uh… pop tarts, right?"

I nodded and giggled. "Oh, what time is Edward coming?"

"About ten or eleven I think." Charlie said making his way back to the kitchen.

"You know I don't really need a babysitter."

"I know." Charlie popped his head quickly around the door frame just to smile.

"I do need a bath though." I mumbled frowning.

I looked at the clock, nine-thirty. I hadn't had a bath or a shower since… _ewwww!_ Thursday before the accident. _Gross!_

Charlie walked in with a plate holding a couple of pop tarts; I grabbed them off the plate bouncing the hot little fuckers between my fingers and blowing on them at the same time. Just when I could manage holding them in one hand, I picked up my coffee and swallowed the last of it along with the pills teetering on the plate.

"What…?" Charlie looked slightly disorientated.

"Bath." I turned and headed upstairs.

"Oh."

I soaked in the bath washing away as much of the last few days as possible. I floated my head in the water slowly moving my head from side to side drowning out any signs of life. Eventually I sighed and got out of the bath.

Wiping the condensation off the mirror was a bad fucking idea. Staring back at me was an altered version of me with yellows, greens and purples blotching my still slightly bulging forehead. My eyes were puffy and reddened with dark circles underneath. I pulled a little at the temples like the women in movies opting for a facelift but to no avail. Hideous.

I glared at the bath annoyed that it hadn't really helped other than making me clean then pulled the plug cursing at the water as it started down the drain. _Yeah, fuck off_.

I felt better after brushing my furry-feeling teeth then walked into my room. Utter fucking bombsite. Clothes, shoes, school books, blankets… ugh! I rolled my eyes and jumped into a fresh pair of comfy sweats, a baggy Henley shirt and fluffy chenille socks. There was no way my clothing could look as bad as my face.

I refused to look in the mirror so I ran my fingers through my hair and tied it in a ponytail as I shut the door hiding ground zero and plodded down the stairs.

Edward was already sitting next to Charlie on the sofa with a coffee and talking.

"Bells…" Charlie acknowledged me ending their conversation.

Suddenly I was very self-conscious of my surroundings and my appearance.

"Hey." Edward smiled.

"Hey." I tried to sound blasé as if my stomach wasn't aflutter with that sexy… _shut up Bella…_ as I walked past into the kitchen making myself another coffee.

Edward followed me in and leaned against the kitchen bench.

"So… sleep okay?"

"Ah… yeah. Thanks." I blushed a little feeling perverted for eyeing him up whilst he had been asleep. "You?"

"Yeah." Edward looked into his mug.

"Excuse me." I pulled the cutlery drawer open next to where Edward was leaning. He moved to the side grimacing a little trying not to show it.

I froze staring at him, gaping.

"What?" As if I hadn't seen anything.

"Edward! I…"

"It's nothing." He waved off.

"Nothing? I kicked you… how bad?"

"Just a little tender. Like I said, nothing."

"But…"

"It's okay." Edward smiled reassuringly. Smug bastard. He knew how to use his facials. "Anyway, Carlisle said you should be okay to watch movies, if that's what you want to do. I noticed the selection here was a bit thin so I brought some with me."

Charlie walked in and rinsed his mug. I nodded to Edward and finished making my coffee knowing this wasn't going to sideline me.

"Right, if you kids are okay, I'll head off. What's the plan?"

"Uh, movies." I was overwhelmed and feeling perturbed but concealed it as well as I could.

"Okay, you have fun." Charlie tenderly kissed my forehead. "I have my phone Edward, help yourself to food."

"Thanks Mr Swan."

"Charlie." Charlie smiled and left.

"Ok, so… movies?" Edward strolled into the lounge.

I tilted my head watching him walk, shook my head then followed settling on the end of the couch with my knees huddled up to my chest slowly sipping my coffee.

Edward pulled a stack of DVDs out of his satchel, some chocolate covered biscuits, a packet of chips and popcorn. He smiled as he placed it all on the coffee table.

"Wow, you came prepared." I was slightly haunted by my monotone voice.

"Yeah, well, you'd be surprised how simple things can make you feel better." Edward smiled warmly.

I felt nothing. Hrm… numb. The meds?

"Alice suggested a couple of these, I picked a couple, I didn't know what you'd feel like…" Edward flicked through the DVDs.

"A cigarette." I whispered.

"Huh?"

I cleared my throat. "A cigarette." So monotone, so… empty.

"Cool, priorities in order." Edward chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and we headed out the back door.

I sat on the back doorstep and lit up. Edward lit his smoke and slowly wandered around looking at everything and nothing, scuffing his foot on something occasionally. There wasn't much of a backyard. An old tyre swing hung from a frayed rope, dangling from a large spruce. The lawns needed mowing, small fruit trees and shrubs had weeds growing through them.

Charlie hadn't done anything with the place since he and Renee separated. The forest nearby gave a beautiful backdrop. It was probably more of Charlie's preference for a garden or yard. The whole property had potential. Charlie just never did anything with it other than mow once a month or so, maybe rake the leaves occasionally, but he was generally immersed in work, watching football or going fishing.

"Do you think Esme could help me with what to plant?" I broke the silence.

"Huh?" Edward blew out a puff of smoke.

I giggled at his expression. About fucking time I found some other feeling. I realised I had been lost in my train of thought and he was probably lost in his own.

"The yard, I'd like to tidy it, make some gardens or something."

"Uh… yeah I guess. I'll ask."

"Cool."

"What do you want to do with it?" Edward cocked an eyebrow looking around him obviously not envisioning what I could.

"Nothing too grand, just something Charlie can maintain when I go to college. Add some colour I suppose, or just some life."

Edward nodded as he gently tapped an old rose that was now a dead stick and it snapped. "Yeah, I'd agree there."

We laughed.

"It's nice when you laugh." Edward tilted his head still smiling.

"Have I been that bad?" I felt a surge of guilt.

"No, not really. It's just…"

"What?"

"Um… how your eyes sparkle when you do." Edward's cheeks flushed a little as he shrugged.

I blushed completely.

"Uh, thanks."

"Anytime." Edward gave his dashing crooked smile.

Okay, that time there was a little flutter.

He held up his cigarette butt and cocked his eyebrow in a silent question.

"Oh, here." I took a last drag on my smoke and stubbed it in the pot plant pushing slightly against the black shrivelled remnants of what may have been a succulent or a cactus? I eyed the dead thing suspiciously.

"So, you want to plant a garden and risk its fate when you leave?" Edward chuckled.

I giggled.

"Yeah, haven't you heard? I've lost all rational thoughts." I giggled again and stood.

Edward laughed a little although his eyes were apologetic. He opened the door for me and sucked in a bit of air wincing as he stretched slightly.

"Edward…" I gasped.

"Like I said, nothing."

"Has Carlisle…"

"It's fine."

"Edward?"

He ignored me and gestured me into the house. I refused to drop it. If he wasn't going to answer now I'd get it out of him later. Or Alice? I grabbed a couple of cokes as we returned to the lounge taking up my position on the sofa as before whilst Edward picked up the DVDs.

"So, what are you in the mood for?"

"Nothing soppy, no romance or chick flicks."

"Okay, so there goes Alice's ones."

I giggled as Edward placed them on the table.

"Action, drama, comedy…?"

I shrugged.

"What about a mix?"

"Okay. So what does that leave us with?" I was curious.

Edward grinned mischievously. "Do you like Quentin Tarantino?"

"The "Kill Bill", "Pulp Fiction" guy?"

"That's the one."

"Hell yeah." I giggled.

"Seen this?" Edward held up a DVD.

"What is it?"

"Inglorious Basterds."

"Uh, no."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Edward grinned triumphant. "Great, it's one of my favourites!"

He set up the movie and sat in the middle of the remainder of the sofa, completely at home, opening each of the packets of food placing it between us.

I almost choked on a piece of biscuit as I chortled part way through the first chapter.

"What's so funny?" Edward looked puzzled.

"Uh… have you not noticed the subtitles?" I giggled.

"Uh, no?"

"Watch." I skipped back a little to repeat what we had just watched. "Now… English translation, what do you notice?"

We watched briefly and Edward leaned forward focussed intently on the screen. He suddenly slapped his leg and roared with laughter.

"Did you get it?"

"They say "merci" and it doesn't translate? I've never noticed that before!" Edward grabbed his sides as he laughed trying to hide the pain.

I laughed with him but felt the guilt for hurting him.

We enjoyed the movie commenting about the plot, how twisted yet hilarious Quentin Tarantino must be, laughing at the pitiful piss-take on accents. Overall it was the best movie I had seen in a fucking long time.

We had a late lunch. Edward looked so out of place in the kitchen but refused to let me help him. About half and hour later with a pile of messy dishes in the sink we had scrambled eggs on toast. I still couldn't get a word out of him to ascertain the extent of the injuries I had inflicted on him but I had noticed how gingerly Edward walked taking care not to stretch far or turn his body.

I dozed a little through 40-Year Old Virgin and felt a little embarrassed waking up to find a blanket over me and my feet resting on Edward's lap. He smiled lightly and returned to watching the movie.

Charlie returned and Edward helped him bring in the groceries. Shortly after, Alice arrived. She bounced in and the atmosphere in the house was overrun with her vivacious personality. Within minutes she had persuaded me into some sort of pampering session, not to be misconstrued as her planned makeover, of course.

I left Edward and Charlie downstairs as Alice and I raided the bathroom for supplies that were within the perimeters of her criteria. Surprisingly enough, Alice was quite accommodating with what little I had available but she noted what I'd need stocked in future.

As I opened the door to my bedroom so we could get nail polish Alice gasped at the state of the room.

"Oh… it's not normally like this." I mumbled.

"Bella Swan…" Alice shook her head in dismay with her hands fisted on her hips.

"Yeah, ground zero. I guess I'll tidy it tomorrow or whatever."

I shrugged my shoulders and headed over to my dressing table picking up the box that held my very few nail polishes.

"Oh Bella." Alice shook her head again. "Black, blue, or… what's this?" Alice shook the little bottle.

"Uh, it used to be a colour that went from khaki green to purple on different angles or light, something like that."

"Well, it doesn't look like it'll do much now." Alice giggled. "Au naturelle will do just fine for now." Alice commanded.

"About black and blue…" I started hesitantly. "How badly is Edward hurt?"

"Oh." Alice pursed her lips. "He's okay."

"Alice?" I pleaded.

"Really Bella, he'll be fine. I… how about you ask him?"

"He won't tell me." I frowned.

"That'd be right." Alice nodded. "I'm not sure but all I know is there's no real damage, Carlisle will have made sure of that. Anyway, pampering."

"Alice…"

"Come, happy thoughts." Alice perked herself up physically, beamed her bright pink lips and held my hand leading me downstairs.

Various bowls from the kitchen were filled and my feet and hands were soaking as the recliner chair made a comfortable beautician's table. Charlie had been clued into the plotline of "Pirates of the Caribbean" so it was a consensus decision to watch the trilogy. Alice returned from the bathroom with a hot wet towel and wrapped it on my face.

"Now stay, I'll just be a few minutes." Alice chimed.

"Uh, okay." I mumbled from the breathing opening I had been given.

Alice reappeared and pulled off the now cooling towel. She was grinning and I hesitated with curiosity before asking what she was up to but as before, I could get an answer out of her.

She manicured, pedicured, massaged, filed and buffed until I couldn't recognised my own hands and feet.

"Whoa…" I whooshed out a breath.

"That's nothing, wait until you get the full Alice Cullen makeover!" Alice exclaimed.

I giggled and rolled my eyes as Charlie and Edward laughed until they received the wrath of Alice's glare.

Pizza arrived and then we began the third movie of the trilogy. By then I was exhausted as well as feeling the affects of my recent dose of meds kicking in including the new one, Valium. Great.

I excused myself for the night and headed upstairs.

"Alice!"

I heard the giggle downstairs.

I shook my head as I entered my room. She had tidied. All my bed linen had been changed and clothes sorted into the laundry hamper, hangers on my closet door and on the back of my chair. I was exhausted and relaxed from the day and the pampering so I slid into my favourite flannelette pyjama pants and cotton camisole then snuggled into the fresh sheets inhaling then drifting off.


	14. Chapter 13

**a/n:**Yeah, sorry for the delay. I'd like to take this moment to spare a thought for those in Christchurch affected by the earthquake. My prayers are with those who are grieving, who are still waiting to hear of the missing, and who are lost and displaced. We not long suffered the heart-wrenching tragedy of losing the 29 Miners at Pike River, we now stand next to you to give our support and our love. Kia kaha. Je t'aime. xox

**Broken and Untamed**

**Chapter 13**

A few days past in a blur of rest, watching DVDs, Alice, Edward and timed visits from Jacob when there were no Cullens present. I started catching up on my missed schoolwork in between relaxing and zoning out. I was beginning to look forward to school for the social interaction but feeling nervous at the same time. I guess that was the anxiety and I'd get used to it if it didn't disappear altogether. I also kind of missed Angela.

Charlie finally agreed to go fishing with a couple of friends from La Push as long as I was babysat. He was hesitant at first but finally allowed me to spend the day with Jacob.

"Wow… I just… I…"

"She's looking good right?" Jacob folded his arms admiring his workmanship on the ute.

"I thought it was close to written-off?"

"Bella, you can't just write off a classic. Besides, they don't build them like they used to."

Jake explained the work he had done, he lost me at "chassis" and "panels" so I just nodded and took in his enthusiasm for his hobby. I was in complete awe of his ability, his commitment to his project. His eyes gleamed as he spoke with a passion.

"So, is this okay?" Jake held open a pot of paint breaking my chain of thought.

"Huh?"

"Bella, have you listened to any of what I've said?" Jacob chuckled. "This is the colour I picked for your ute. A few more days and I should be able to paint."

I looked in the pot to see a shiny jet black shimmering back at me.

"It's better than what I had imagined."

"Not too black?" Jacob asked hesitantly.

"Hrm…"

"What? You don't like it?" Jake's voice trailed off.

I dipped my finger in the paint and swirled it a little before examining the paint running down my finger.

"Don't waste it!" Jacob shut the lid and put the paint tin on the workbench.

"I just wanted a good look." I pouted.

"I could put a bit on some card or something."

I grinned mischievously as I approached Jake with my painted finger edging towards him.

"I don't think so." Jacob laughed as he backed up until the workbench stopped him. His hands were held up in front of him mocking defence.

"Oh, I think so." I smiled daringly.

"You better not…" and within seconds Jake had a shimmering jet black line down his cheek.

"You so didn't!" Jacob was wide-eyed.

"Oh, I think I did." I beamed.

"You better not start something you can't finish." Jake grinned widely.

"Bring it." I giggled.

Jake spun around and grabbed a brush out of an oil pan and faced me again.

I laughed as I picked up the nearest tool, a torque wrench.

"On guard!" I laughed.

We exchanged a couple of parries and I was swept with the brush up my arm.

"You didn't!" I gasped.

"Oh, I think I did!" Jake laughed as he licked the brush across my neck.

We stood braced to lunge in any direction. Jake lurched forward with the brush outstretched and I shirked back dropping the wrench and running behind a covered vehicle.

"You're not that fast, Jake." I tormented.

"I was being nice. I am way faster."

"Yeah right!" I laughed.

"When I catch you I'll give you something to laugh about!" Jake sprung forward around the vehicle.

I grabbed the cover and pulled it as I circled revealing a Rabbit in the midst of a rebuild, no doors and missing panels. Jake jumped on the cover and just missed catching me. I laughed as I completed the full circle of the car.

Grinning devilishly at my minor accomplishment, Jake threw the brush aside and grabbed the Rabbit roof sliding across it on his torso. I yelped and jumped inside the car scrambling across the driver's seat making my way across to the passenger's side before I felt Jake's hands grasp my waist.

I squealed and roared with laughter at my poor attempt to wrestle out of his hold. Then he spun me over pinning my hands above my head.

"I think I have you." Jake panted.

"I think…" I squirmed, "you may be right." I giggled.

Our eyes locked and the comical situation evaporated as the sexual tension escalated between us. Jake's eyes deepened and on impulse, or probably habit, I bucked my pelvis to meet his.

"Oh Bella…" Jake whimpered before his lips met mine burning hot with lust.

His kisses were hot and heavy. This had been building in him for a long time. I had noticed the tension the last few days. My subconscious was yelling _"Stop! Pull back! This isn't what you want!"_ but it shrunk back to a small corner in my mind while I let my desire dominate the rest of me.

I struggled to the hem of Jake's tee shirt and pulled hard until I had fought it off him, throwing it over my head. It knocked some tools over as it landed and I began running my hands across the ripples of Jake's well-toned abdomen.

Jake gazed into my eyes and I caught a mischievous glint before I felt his hands run down my sides swiftly as he pulled off my jersey and top, balled them up, and then threw them in the same direction as his shirt. With a clatter of tools hitting the floor, Jake cocked his eyebrow grinning wolfishly and began running big kisses down my neck.

He trailed across my shoulder then followed my collarbone kissing down between my breasts. Jake's hands, large and warm, arched the centre of my back unclasping my bra within seconds. It too was flung across the shed. I ran my hands up and down his torso. God, those muscles had me aching for him already. I skimmed my fingers across to his centre along the waistband of his jeans and slowly undid them.

Jake groaned exhaling then returned to kissing my breast whilst kneading the other. I reached down as far as I could, pulling his jeans down then lifting my legs to push his jeans completely to the end of his feet. I felt him move and kick of his boots completing the removal of his clothes.

With his mouth returning to mine, his tongue ducking in and out exploring my mouth, Jake leaned on one arm and unbuttoned my jeans. He trailed his fingers up the centre of my abdomen causing a whimper to escape through our kissing. He trailed his fingers gently down my centre and unzipped my jeans.

Jake paused and sat up.

"You sure?" He cocked his eyebrow.

I grinned and nodded.

"You can say no and I won't be hurt." Jake tilted his head.

"I'm sure." I whispered as my eyes ducked down to Jake's abdomen and trailed meeting his eyes. His consideration of me was enough to make me want him even more, right here and now.

Jake flicked down the passenger sun visor and a strip of condoms slipped out into his hand.

"Handy." I coked my eyebrow at Jacob.

"Well, I was hoping she'd get christened once she was on the road."

I kept my facial expression firm taunting him.

"What? A guy can dream." Jake shrugged.

"Enough talking." I smiled and Jake planted kisses on me again fervently than before.

My jeans flung out behind him and he scooped me up leaning himself through the front seats to the back setting me astride him. I kissed his neck down the centre of his chest pulling off his boxers using my feet again to move them down the rest of his legs. Leaning back I grasped the girth of him causing a moan to escape his parted lips.

Jake leaned forward running his tongue along my collar bone removing my g-string on leg at a time. He leaned back and ripped the condom packet with his teeth taking control and putting it on before slipping his hands onto my hips. With a firm gaze of hunger in his eyes boring into mine, he slid me down onto the length of him.

"Mmmph!" I moaned as he grunted.

He lifted me again and my lips met his as he filled me again. With a couple more thrusts I lifted my hands to his hair gripping tightly as I moved up and down, his pelvis lifting to mine.

"Ffffffuck!" Jake groaned as we soon came together.

I panted into Jake's necked sated with relief. It may have been quick but I figured we had both restrained ourselves long enough considering our individual histories. Our rugged breathing slowed and Jake ran his hand through my hair, down my back and then back up lifting my chin. He kissed me softly and smiled.

"This doesn't count."

"Huh?"

"We have to christen the Rabbit again when she's on the road too."

I laughed. "Deal."

We eventually found our scattered clothes and dressed before Jake tenderly tucked in his precious Rabbit, kissing the front guard before dropping the final corner of the cover.

I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Boys and their toys."

Jake shrugged and wrapped his arm around me as we walked toward the house. We nestled on a small sofa surfing through channels on the TV before settling on a Jackie Chan movie and eating corn chips. My phone sounded a text message from Charlie. I went outside for a smoke as I checked it.

"_Hope you kids are behaving."_

I contemplated various replies smirking before replying.

"_Watching movies, eating chips. Any bites?"_

I snapped my phone shut and put it in my pocket taking a drag on my smoke as it blurted out again.

"_A few. Harry has enough for dinner already. Back just after 5.00."_

"_Cool. Will have sides waiting. xx"_

I sighed as "Resistance" by Muse played from my phone again making me jump. There was no way that Charlie could text that fast.

"_Miss me yet?"_

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up as Jake laughed.

"You're so cute when you look frustrated."

He had no idea about how frustrated I was actually feeling.

"Geez Jake!" I laughed.

He leapt of the deck swooping me up in his arms planting a large kiss on my lips.

"So what shall we do?" Jake asked lowering me back to the ground.

"The guys will be back for dinner."

"Plenty of time." Jake grinned as he took my hand and led me back to the house.

I flicked my cigarette butt away as we walked up the deck. Jake turned to shut the door behind us and lifted me over his shoulder.

"Jake!" I yelled laughing and pounding his back lightly with my fists as he strode effortlessly down the hallway to his bedroom.

Jake laid me on his bed, pushed his door slightly then crawled up the foot of his bed hovering above me. His chocolate eyes were deep again and his right index finger ran tenderly up the centre of my forehead tracing my hairline down my neck to the centre of my collarbone where Jake lowered his head and started kissing me slowly and more tenderly than earlier.

I ran my hands through Jake's hair, down the back of his neck, trailing his broad shoulders then down to his backside. He sat up and removed his shirt then removed mine before lowering back down to kiss my jaw line up to my ear. I tilted my head to give Jake better access taking in a trembling breath wondering if this was what it felt like to actually _make love_.

I groaned running my fingers up his sides and across his shoulders as I felt the warmth and aching for him down below. I slipped my hand into Jake's pants circling my fingers around him. He pushed himself into me grunting and in a sift movement Jake opened a box under his bed pulling out a condom packet holding it between his teeth while he removed my pants then his. I grabbed the condom and smiled as Jake froze.

I sat up tearing the wrapper and slowly rolling it onto him as he closed his eyes and hissed. I moved my hand around and cupped him but before I could do anything else, Jake pushed me back down, lined himself up and entered me forcing the held breaths from the both of us.

Jake paused and I waited for him to regain himself. When his eyes met mine, I bit my bottom lip and circled my pelvis. He moaned and pressed his lips hard on mine, our tongues fighting and our pelvises thrusting hard to each other. I wrapped my legs around Jake and could feel he was close.

"Uh… shiiiiiit…" Jake hissed as he came hard.

I wasn't fully satisfied with the Rabbit escapade and I didn't see the point of making an effort and getting nothing out of it. I used the opportunity of Jake's body relaxing after his climax to turn him over and sit astride him with him still in me. His eyes were wide, bewildered, as I pushed his hands either side of his head sitting up on him and resting my hands on his chest as I started rocking myself. I closed my eyes making sure I could feel what was left of his erection to my fullest and advantage. Having had plenty of experience with this, a few manoeuvres and Jake was hardening again inside me.

"Fuck Bella…" Jake groaned as his hands grabbed my waist as he started pulling me onto him thrusting his pelvis harder.

"That's what I'm doing, Jake." I smirked, my voice hard and heavy.

As my body tensed and tightened I looked into Jake's eyes to gauge where he was at, not quite where I wanted him to be. I needed this, the control, the letting go, a decent fucking orgasm.

I slid myself up Jake's length slowly and before he could protest, I tilted my pelvis teasing the head of his erection then pushed hard and fast onto him pausing for the reaction…

"Fffffuck!"

Yeah, that was it.

Twice more and we were both ready.

Utterly spent, we lay together silently. A few moments later Jake's arm slid off my back and I lifted my head watching his breathing changed to snoring. I rested my chin on his chest and tried not to giggle as I watched. My eyes wandered to the clock on the shelf. Four thirty. _Shit!_

I bolted upright and threw on my clothes slapping Jake's shoulder as I threw on my jersey.

"What the f… shit… What time is it?" Jake groaned.

"Time to get up or Charlie will have his gun in your face."

Jake chuckled. "Bella, I doubt that Charlie would…"

"You want to chance it? He's always on duty even when he's, well… not." I grimaced. "You know, there's a possibility that I might be daddy's girl?"

"Sure, sure."

"Ugh!" I stormed out ignoring Jake and heading to the kitchen.

I rummaged around grabbing what I could and started chopping vegetables. Jake sauntered in and wrapped his arms around me kissing my neck.

"Jake…" I stopped and turned to face him placing my hands on his forearms effectively stopping him in his tracks. "You and me… this…" I gestured between us, "You'll want to tone it down if you want it to keep happening."

"Why? Scared your Dad won't like me? Because newsflash, Bella, he's like an Uncle to me."

"I'm aware of that, that's why he can't know that were doing more than just kissing."

"Do you think Charlie, you know, the local _law enforcer_" Jake gestured speech marks with his fingers "doesn't have a clue? The last I knew, he was your Dad and knows about both of our pasts and that it's highly possible, in fact, really obvious that we're going to fuck at some point whether it was today or next week?"

I cringed at Jake's term bursting my little love bubble.

"I'm aware of that." I snapped. "I'm also aware that he thinks we're being responsible and supportive of each other, taking it slow." I sighed.

"Yeah, okay." Jake plodded into the lounge.

The female in me wanted to continue on, the bitchy part, you know. The most reliable and instinctual side of me, the part that was kicking me for not listening to my subconscious earlier, decided to drop it.

Needless to say dinner was great, the company less so. No wonder I liked older guys, none of this childish, bruised ego bullshit, but it really wouldn't fit well if Jake wanted to brag to our Dads about his latest screw. As much as I liked Jake, I was beginning to have regrets about our relationship already. I seriously started considering going back to the one-night stand routine but before dinner was over, I convinced myself to make an effort and stay on the responsible path I had chosen to take. It couldn't be that hard, could it?


End file.
